Masturbating by Hand

Leah Leah
Alright, this may sound strange, but I have NEVER had an orgasm from masturbating by hand. It just doesn't do it for me! My husband thinks that this is odd. Has any other woman gone through this? Do you consider it normal or abnormal?
05/10/2008
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Essin' Em Essin' Em
In my entire life, I've probably orgasmed manually (by myself or with others) less than 5 times. I rock out with my vibe out, and that is currently the only way I masturbate. It's quite normal for lots of women; promise!
05/10/2008
Grizli Grizli
From male prospective this sound abnormal May I ask you, do you fantasize while masturbating? If you do, than it might all be in your head. You have to let all the outside worries go first.
05/11/2008
SilverVixen SilverVixen
Quote:
Originally posted by Leah
Alright, this may sound strange, but I have NEVER had an orgasm from masturbating by hand. It just doesn't do it for me! My husband thinks that this is odd. Has any other woman gone through this? Do you consider it normal or abnormal?
...Not abnormal, it's all about preference. I frequently masturbate by hand and it's often more powerful of an orgasm than those produced by toying. The key to successful manual masturbation is relaxation. Find a comfortable environment where you feel you can, in essence, leave your inhibitions at the door.

Find a good position, generally lying down, and just let your mind wander. Think about anything you care to; think about things that you find arousing. Most often times women feel that manual masturbation is "forbidden" "shameful" or "taboo"; all of which can't be further from the truth!

Exploring your body is 100% natural. The question really shouldn't be about if it’s normal or abnormal. If it's something you don't feel comfortable with, then simply avoid it. But I think if you take some time and explore yourself in an environment where you feel comfortable; you're sexy girl, so do it! I think if you remember that whether you're with a mate or mono y' manual -you'll find that you're capable of achieving incredible orgasms by your own hands. Now...Get to playing!
05/11/2008
Nashville Nashville
It's not odd in the least! I used to have trouble having an orgasm, I realized it was more of a mental block than a physical one. When I first started having sex I had trouble with getting comfortable, I wasn't in touch with my body, and frankly, I didn't know what I liked. If you can ONLY cum with a vibrator, stop using them for a while. Your clitoris may be so desensitized from high powered vibrations that your fingers aren't enough to get the job done. My advice is just to try touching, not with the intent to orgasm. Just rub your clitoris, hard, fast, slow, soft... do whatever it takes until you find what touches you enjoy.. and just keep touching. If you don't have an orgasm, you don't have an orgasm but you'll have fun in the process. Don't go at it like a job, just look at the whole situation as an exploration without a purpose. Watch some porn while you're doing it or use toys that stimulate your nipples and heighten your sense of arousal- such as massagers on areas like your neck, thighs, head, etc. It took until I started dating my husband that I was able to have an orgasm from manual stimulation alone.
05/13/2008
Cock Wrangler Cock Wrangler
As stated, nothing abnormal here. Just a thought- using a little lube when masturbating manually might add to the sensation.
05/19/2008
TexasBrat TexasBrat
You are NOT odd. Maybe HE'S never encountered a woman that can't orgasm with manual stimulation (or they've faked it for him), but I can't get off with just a hand either. I need a good, strong vibe on my clit. The majority of women out there are like this, so don't feel bad at all!! ((hugz))
06/07/2008
Oggins Oggins
You're perfectly normal, everyone is unique! I do agree with cock wrangler about using a little lube! When my clit isn't wet, it isn't as much fun so, maybe give that little tip a try! It couldn't hurt!
06/09/2008
Bulma Bulma
Quote:
Originally posted by Leah
Alright, this may sound strange, but I have NEVER had an orgasm from masturbating by hand. It just doesn't do it for me! My husband thinks that this is odd. Has any other woman gone through this? Do you consider it normal or abnormal?
I think this is pretty normal. Lots of people still seem to be under the impression that its not important for women to orgasm period. I still get so pissed when I read something that says this. My husband knows how important it is for me to finish. If I don't, then neither does he. Yeah...that was rambling, sorry about that. I can't seem to masturbate myself, although I can orgasm if someone else does it for me. I think for me its a mental thing, you know how its dirty and I shouldn't touch myself. I don't know why that still gets to me, but it does. I think men aren't thankful enough for just how easy it is for them to reach their cock. I must say that as far as rubbing my clit, it does tend to make my arm sore, and I just can't finger myself. My fingers are too short as is my arm, and I have a long torso to make matters worse. I find it too cumbersome to bother with most of the time, so I either borrow my husband's hand, or I use a toy.
07/07/2008
sugar & spice sugar & spice
I don't think it is abnormal at all! It is actually very difficult for me to orgasm by stimulation from my hands. Since I was a kid, I always achieved very easy orgasm by lying on my stomach and rocking my hips back and forth over a pillow or something similar. This would build the sensation in my clit. This also explains that the only way I can orgasm from sex is being on top and riding. Different people like different things and NOTHING is abnormal when it comes to this kind of stuff!
09/15/2008
ZenaidaMacroura ZenaidaMacroura
It's definitely not abnormal not to orgasm using your hand. I agree that it help to be relaxed (and nice and turned on) when you masturbate. I can't orgasm by hand unless I'm super horny, but with a vibrator I don't need to be into it at all and I still orgasm. And it is true (at least for me) that using a vibrator all the time can temporarily desensitize you so it can be harder to orgasm with your hands. But like everyone else has said, everyone is different. And you're not abnormal at all.
09/15/2008
BeeLeaveMe BeeLeaveMe
Quote:
Originally posted by sugar & spice
I don't think it is abnormal at all! It is actually very difficult for me to orgasm by stimulation from my hands. Since I was a kid, I always achieved very easy orgasm by lying on my stomach and rocking my hips back and forth over a pillow or ... More
I thought I was the only one. I also find it very difficult to orgasm by hand. I could never get myself off vaginally until I got my first vibrator. I am the same way, I usually roll up a blanket, towel or something and do the rocking motion with my hips. I find it very easy to orgasm this way and always have. Sometimes this method is easier for me than getting out my toys.
09/17/2008
Tuesday Tuesday
I don't think you're abnormal, but I wonder if changing your technique would help. I don't use my hand directly on myself. Its just too sensitive and too easily can become painful. It feels better to have a layer of something thin, like underwear, between my hand and myself. It sounds so stupid, but its what works for me. I'm wondering if that would help you. Maybe you're ultrasensitive like me.

Also, if you feel any anxiety about it, you're sure to not succeed. Its always harder for women to come. Women need to focus and will it to happen. Men seem to only need to not be focusing on something else. Survival of the species depends only on male orgasms.
09/21/2008
Spiking Glue Spiking Glue
If it makes you feel any better -- I was always convinced that most girls couldn't get off with their fingers alone, and needed toys. On my sex-ed communities, I would frequently see posts like yours, with many many comments about the normality of the situation, but I rarely saw posts of people like me, who got off far stronger with their own fingers but not so much with sex toys. I don't even need to be relaxed, happy, and sexual to get off with my fingers, but I *do* need to be relaxed, happy, and sexual to get off using sex toys.

My general feeling is, that most sex-education sites are trying to reinforce that 'normal' isn't even normal, thatat getting off in general is good, and that what you like is simply that -- what you like.

I love seal meat. <3 I love gin and tonic. I love getting off by my hands and my toys.

I actually don't much like sexual intercourse with another person, and I never could get over movie theatre popcorn.

Don't let him make you feel too weird about it.
09/21/2008
Nashville Nashville
Quote:
Originally posted by Tuesday
I don't think you're abnormal, but I wonder if changing your technique would help. I don't use my hand directly on myself. Its just too sensitive and too easily can become painful. It feels better to have a layer of something thin, ... More
I had to! I don't really need to anymore because for some reason my clitoris isn't as overly sensitive as it was. It's like as soon as I had my son I didn't have to anymore. Isn't that odd?

I still enjoy masturbating with panties on though, that's something that hasn't changed.. maybe they're my comfort or whenever I think underwear I think of getting off.
09/21/2008
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Grizli
From male prospective this sound abnormal May I ask you, do you fantasize while masturbating? If you do, than it might all be in your head. You have to let all the outside worries go first.
Of course, from the male perspective, many things completely typical for females sound abnormal.

Just wanted to second what everyone has said. If it gets you off, who cares what is normal? But, yes, manual masturbation doesn't work for many females.
09/22/2008
deceased deceased
I don't need to fantasize about anything. I have to be laying down, and I pretty much use a similar method that I do on a bass guitar, it invoves mostly a thumb and vibration.
I used to be able to cum just by playing bass.(an electric one) Its a very sexual instrument to me; it makes people vibrate.
06/16/2009
imp imp
How does one judge what is normal or abnormal when it comes to getting yourself off, every single person is different.

I can't either. I need a little assistance. I have chronic repetitive strain injury from an old job so I can't use my hand for a long period of time without ending up in pain. And using the other hand is just plain weird. And even before that using only my hands did nothing, turned on yes but never an orgasm.

So I use a vibe,toys no big deal. I always end up with a smile on my face so it can't be a bad thing. I wouldn't worry about it too much
06/16/2009
Orme Orme
I think I read (or possibly decided on my own) that it really depends on what kind of person you are! I can't get off with my hand period, ever, unless I am fantasizing and about half asleep. (I guess the half asleep helps with a more vivid imagination). There is something about seeing/hearing that adds to the experience more than what my hand is doing for me.

I just use a vibe. But even then sometimes I need the visual stimulation as well.

Though I agree that its not really normal or abnormal, its just what feels good to your body
06/04/2010
joja joja
It took me a really long time to learn how to get off manually. I had my first orgasm (and many thereafter) with the tub faucet, and try as I might, I could never do it the "right" way. Before I knew better, I was afraid the faucet was too strong, and caused me to lose sensation.

I learned to do it after a few years later, mostly through using lube (very important for me!) and persistence. I always thought that direct stimulation and making little circles was how all girls got off, but I found that using two fingers on the sides of my clit and rubbing up and down is the best way for me.
06/11/2010
Envy Envy
I can but it's very difficult and took years to learn, but I have to have fingers inside and outside at the same time, so I have to use both hands. It leads to cramping though, and very awkward positioning, which sucks, so I use toys instead. If I have a dildo, using my hand works for external stim, but I used to only use a vibe. Now it depends if i want a quick one I can combine with another, I use a vibe, if i want to slowly build one up and have a stronger one, I use my hand.
06/11/2010
Gary Gary
It is definitely a lot easier being a guy. I can't imagine what it would be like to not be able to get off using my hand alone.
06/11/2010
Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
I find that pretty normal...I've tried it with porn, with lube, and I don't think I've ever orgasm-ed from manual masturbation more than 2 or 3 times in my whole life. I'm just a toy girl, the vibrations do so much more for me. And oddly, if someone else is touching me, that will get me off. It's just the way it's always been and I don't find it odd at all.
06/11/2010
Morrigan Morrigan
It can take me a while to come when masturbating by hand, but I've found that Flower Body Balm (here: link )works wonders since it really sensitizes the area. Also, I've found that it's much easier for me to come if I masturbate while reading erotica.

And no, I don't find it odd at all. Everyone's different.
06/11/2010
Newlyinclined Newlyinclined
When I was first trying to figure out masturbation, I used my fingers and could never get it to work out (joys of joys I found out when I finally did figure things out, that I was just doing it wrong). My first orgasm was with a vibrator and so far almost all of the rest of them have been as well. There have been times when I've manually orgasmed, using a non-charged vibrator as a dildo to stimulate my clit. I guess that means that I probably can get off if I did use my hands, but I just can't quite get myself to do that yet. Just another mental block to get through after years of being told that 'down there' is dirty.
06/11/2010
El-Jaro El-Jaro
I have a hard time using masturbators because I've grown so accustomed to using my hand. Heck, I can't even finish standing up; I have to lay down (pref. on my stomach).

The only product that has really worked for me is the JackMaster by Cal Ex. I haven't tried the Fleshlight though. I have tried the knock offs and was non-plussed.
06/11/2010
usmcwife99 usmcwife99
Quote:
Originally posted by Leah
Alright, this may sound strange, but I have NEVER had an orgasm from masturbating by hand. It just doesn't do it for me! My husband thinks that this is odd. Has any other woman gone through this? Do you consider it normal or abnormal?
Same here, it takes alot for me to orgasm. I tried for about a hour and a half once with my hand and I just couldny stay arroused. Even when I was younger I couldnt do it by hand. I need at least a dildo but even then it takes an hour if ime lucky and is really hard. Ime best with a few viberators or my partner.
06/25/2010
Chilipepper Chilipepper
I started off with the tub facet then moved to my hand when I was 15. From 15 to 25 all I had was my hand and I did pretty damn well (ask the guys who had phone sex with me how I sounded). When I got my first vibe at 25, I was totally disappointed with toys because nothing happened and it was uncomfortable. 2 out of 3 times, I still use my hand because it's more intense, but I'm accepting toys now since I now know there's technique involved with toys. (As a note, all my experience up until the last year was clitoral. Penetration never interested me because it was so disappointing by itself. If I had limited myself to vaginal I might feel the same way as you have.)

Everybody's built different and has different expectations out of their arousal mechanisms, I suppose.
06/25/2010
Naughty Student Naughty Student
I think everyone is different in terms of how they can acheive orgasm.

Personally I can orgasm with my hand or toys no matter how much I have been using vibrators before I can always make myself cum with my hands. I rarely do it though, it is more of a last resort kind of thing. If I'm really desperate to masturbate and my toys are not with me I will masturbate by hand.
06/25/2010
Liz123 Liz123
You are totally normal. I need toys.
10/22/2011
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