Secret desires in a relationship. Do they remain a secret with you or do you imagine ways in which you can actually live out these desires?

Mr. John Mr. John
Do you wish your partner would tie you up, or use other bondage methods on you? Maybe double penetration, or thoughts of having a large toys used on you is an unshared desire you have. So, will you ever communicate these desires? Will you try and set the right mood or moment when you hope to share these desires? Or, are these secret desires best left as unfulfilled dreams?
04/15/2013
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charletnarouh charletnarouh
Quote:
Originally posted by Mr. John
Do you wish your partner would tie you up, or use other bondage methods on you? Maybe double penetration, or thoughts of having a large toys used on you is an unshared desire you have. So, will you ever communicate these desires? Will you try and set ... More
i believe that full disclosure is always best. If you can't be fully honest with your partner, the relationship will never evolve to it's full potential, may stagnate and resentment and other negativity may breed from dissatisfaction and frustration, not to mention shame and fear. i am in a 24/7 D/s relationship which allows me full freedom to expose and explore my fantasies and desires and for my partner to do the same. As active members of the leather/kink/BDSM community, Wwe are constantly exposed to nearly every kink that is realistically possible. While there are interests each of Uus have that the other doesn't share and some of them may never be realized, Wwe share Oour desires openly and discuss them freely without judgment. This is a hallmark of Oour relationship. i don't believe you have to be part of the leather/kink/BDSM lifestyle to have this freedom but it is one of the many benefits that are inherent to good relationships in this lifestyle. Like so many other things, this is one thing that vanilla relationships could stand to learn from kinky relationships. Being able to openly share is about trust and without trust, the foundation of a relationship is not stable.
Although, as i said, not all of Oour interests are shared but by discussing them openly Wwe can determine whether those are "needs" or not and if there is still a way for the desires to be fulfilled. For example, my Mistress enjoys Topping with needles and play piercing but i have a lifelong phobia of needles and couldn't bottom to needles so Wwe have friends who are willing pincushions for my Ma'am's pokey interests and that works out quite nicely.
04/15/2013
Sammi Sammi
We've always communicated what we'd like (or even would never like/do). I think it's best to get them out in the open, because why leave them as unfulfilled dreams when they could be a pleasant reality? You never know unless you talk about them.
04/15/2013
Bubba29 Bubba29
i share my kinky fantasies with my wife. not sure if most of them will happen but at least she knows.
04/15/2013
solitudinarian solitudinarian
I've lived out most of my desires. Others require specific equipment/knowledge or are not something I would actually like to engage in (I only enjoy the fantasy). There are some we just haven't gotten around to, but that just means I have things to look forward to.
04/16/2013
SaucyxGirl SaucyxGirl
I have to keep a few to myself. My boyfriend is rather vanilla and absolutely not into threeways/fourways which means one of favorite activities (double penetration by two men) is out of the question, and he would absolutely have an issue with me bringing it up. The majority of my secret desires involving BDSM are also unspoken
04/18/2013
mjtheprincess mjtheprincess
We talk about our fantasies all the time. It's important to communicate. And communicating about fun things (like sex) makes communicating about not such fun things (bills) a lot easier. Plus, I love, love, love to make all my man's fantasies come true, and make them better than he imagined, that wasy I can be the star in all of them! hehe
04/18/2013
gsfanatic gsfanatic
I tend to just be upfront about them, or save them up and do everything at once on a fun weekend
04/18/2013
Pete's Princess Pete's Princess
Since my man has been away a lot, we have exchanged some erotic stories that we can live out when he gets home. Being apart has made us appreciate each other and think more about what we want sexually.
04/18/2013
ashboo32 ashboo32
If my fantasies are ones I want to act out I will tell them but if its just something naughty that turns me on just in thought I won't.
04/19/2013
amorfati amorfati
Luckily, I have an amazing partner. There are no secrets between us.
04/24/2013
Noelle Noelle
If I wasn't married, I would want to be DPed, but I wont even mention it to my hubby. I figure since I am married, it wouldn't be appropriate in our marriage.
04/24/2013
Robespierrethecat Robespierrethecat
i have some secret desires, but those are generally thing I don't even want to admit to myself. everything else, i share with my partner or allude ot wanting.
04/25/2013
Adnerbmw Adnerbmw
For the most part my husband knows all my fantasies. WE dont hide anything. We dont judge each other. If i have something he thinks is a little over the top then we dont do it, if he wants or likes someting crazy then we wont do it or we will try to get as close to it as possible
04/25/2013
Trysexual Trysexual
I have some I don't disclose, because they involve another person or because I think she wouldn't be into them. I've expressed some I want, but never got to do them or never got the answer I wanted.
04/25/2013
llellsee llellsee
I've acted out most of the fantasies that I realistically want to act out.

While I have alot of fantasies that I wouldn't actually want to act out in real life, I tend to share with my partner and let him know what porn etc that I watch when alone so I don't feel like I'm hiding any of my sexual tastes from him even if they are pure fantasies.
04/26/2013
XxFallenAngelxX XxFallenAngelxX
I have a few desires but I know that my partner would never go for them, so I don't put too much thought into it.
04/26/2013
Hummingbird Hummingbird
I have many fantasies but wouldn't even think of sharing them with my SO so I write them and live them that way. I've tried communicating, it just doesn't work and that leads to more frustration than you can imagine.
04/27/2013
Cosmonaut Cosmonaut
We just tell each other what we want.
04/27/2013
Bill220 Bill220
I've disclosed the majority of my fantasies/desires. My wife will do all but one and I can't complain about that one thing. I'm batting close to 1,000 and that's fine with me. My wife has mentioned men cross dressing more than once but that's not something I'm willing to do.
04/27/2013
TJax TJax
My woman and I have talked about many of our fantasies and have acted on almost everyone that we've discussed. The only ones we haven't done aren't off limits, things just haven't come together quite right yet.
04/27/2013
kendra30752 kendra30752
Quote:
Originally posted by Mr. John
Do you wish your partner would tie you up, or use other bondage methods on you? Maybe double penetration, or thoughts of having a large toys used on you is an unshared desire you have. So, will you ever communicate these desires? Will you try and set ... More
Hmmm... I don't know about secrets. The entire time we've been together -- 7 years almost -- I havent' ever kept my sexual desires a secret. I love sharing them with him, especially since it excites him to hear about them & then work up a plan to make it happen, which he has always done. He knows I like some bondage and stuff. So no big deal here.

However, if I was in a relationship where I didn't really, really know the person yet or feel fully comfortable with them (which isn't likely for me. I'm surprised I was even able to finally get comfortable with my partner) then I wouldn't share them until I was beyond certain about everything.

In the long run, I'm glad I've shared all my desires with my love because, well, it's so much fun! And because it sure seems like it might would be boring if neither of us had ever shared what things we liked. We really wouldn't know what to do to please each other then. It's way better when you communicate these things. No need to hide them as long as you fully trust and are comfortable with each other. It's nothing to feel ashamed of either, so it wasn't too hard for me to tell my partner. When I did get to the point where I could be comfortable around him (in everyway, not just sexually) I wasn't nervous to share them. It wouldn't be near as fun to just leave it all in your head. It could make sex an even better experience for both, including a bonding experience! Hooray for experiences that including bonding.
04/29/2013
HoneyBear69 HoneyBear69
sharer
05/02/2013
TheirPet TheirPet
My partner and I try to remain very open about our sex lives. We always talk about what we might want to try and how we felt about trying something new right after we do it.

I've had relationships with poor communication in the past and this is a welcome change.
05/03/2013
snowminx snowminx
I could but I don't. 90% of my secret desires are not really something I want to do. My partner is pretty kinky and he's prob take it seriously and I don't want to feel like I'm being pushed to do something I don't actually want to do.
05/06/2013
oneeyedoctopus oneeyedoctopus
We both read erotic stories. So we have a lot of conversations that start, "I read a story about..." It's a pretty nonthreatening way of sharing what you're interested in.
05/09/2013
CallMeYourBaby CallMeYourBaby
I share all my fantasies and/or ideas with my man. I know he won't go for some, but I tell him anyway in the hope that maybe he will surprise me one day.
05/10/2013
quinceykay quinceykay
I don't really have any desires that most partners would be taken aback by. I am into some light BDSM, so I generally discuss my kinks with a partner, but don't necessarily expect them to fulfill it if they're not also into them. If I was into something that most people would get freaked out by, I would probably keep them to myself until I knew my partner was 100% open to it.
05/10/2013
Pierced Blaqk Skies Pierced Blaqk Skies
Quote:
Originally posted by SaucyxGirl
I have to keep a few to myself. My boyfriend is rather vanilla and absolutely not into threeways/fourways which means one of favorite activities (double penetration by two men) is out of the question, and he would absolutely have an issue with me ... More
I'm in a very similar boat with my current partner. He's as vanilla as they come and I'm into BDSM and I'm also poly and he's not comfortable with sharing me with anyone. I have tried to talk to him about it but it makes him very uneasy so I can't really talk about it :/
05/11/2013
Total posts: 29
Unique posters: 29