Pirates Pirates

DVD by Digital Playground

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Arrrg!

Pirates really revolutionized what should be expected from porn movies. It has a high budget that led to realistic plots, environments, and actors. The plot has lots of great humor, and Evan Stone played the lead role with great acting and really improved the entire movie.
Published:
Pros:
Amazing plot, EVAN STONE!!, very humorous, quality production
Cons:
Plot seems more important than sex
Rating by reviewer:
5
extremely useful review
Pirates, The Collector's Edition, was produced by Digital Playground and Adam and Eve and is considered a "Feature" film when classified under a genre. In fact, I've been told that Pirates is on some On-Demand Movie features that allow you to watch the movie with all of the porn features removed - which I think shows how great this porn is - even without all of the sex included. Pirates was directed by Joone and runs about two hours long.

This movie includes a lot of different high-name stars, but I sincerely think Evan Stone deserves his own award just for his acting. For a theater movie, it wasn't amazing, but for a porn movie, he was just downright amazing. He was really the entire star of this film. He lines were funny, he seemed sincere, and he played the character in the way that it seems like it was meant to be played. I was impressed. Other leading stars include Carmen Luvana, Jesse Jane, Tommy Gunn, Janine, Teagan Presley, Devon, Austyn Moore, and Jenaveve Jolie.

My favorite non-sex star was an oriental guy that was included in the movie who did nothing but act confused and say randomly short lines that were hilarious. I have no idea what his name is, but he really added some great humor to the movie.

Despite being produced in 2005 (and being a pornographic movie), it still has some pretty epic special effects. Compared to million-dollar budget theater films, it isn't quite as amazing, but when you consider that most pornographic movies are doing so badly that you can actually see the backstage crew in the backdrop, I was impressed. They included some great special effects of the ships bombing each other along with the water effects on the sea. In fact, there are even some scenes were special-effect skeletons that crawl out of the ground and come after the stars.

So how was the story? You know what, I'd totally watch this movie again just for the story - I'm not kidding. If you took the sex scenes out, it was still really downright fun and hilarious. While the female stars seemed really stiff and jilted in their lines (think high school play), the male stars seemed a lot more natural. The script was well-written, and there are all sorts of funny lines - most of them were given to Evan Stone. For example, during a sex scene where he's with two pirate prostitutes, the two girls are wearing pirate hats, and Evan Stone's character role-plays as a pirate hunter. During the scene, he says odd things like "Arrrr! Now I'm a pirate licker!" and lots of other great dialogue.

In fact, during one of my favorite scenes, two girls are lying on the floor of the bar to amuse the pirates of the bar. During the scene, the girls are getting it on pretty sexily, but what makes this scene so epic is that during the entire scene, the pirates are in the background like "Arr! Blunder thee booty!" and lots of other hilarious dialogue. There's even a group-chant of "Lick! Lick!" while one of the girls licks the other. This is probably one of the most creative sex scenes that I've ever seen.

There are ten different sex scenes included in the movie. Most of the sex scenes feel at-least somewhat natural. The sex scenes are all pretty basic sex scenes - no BDSM or really anything kinky. A couple of them, like described above, are filled with some pretty good humor too. The sex scenes are hot, and it does feel like all of the female/female scenes have a lot more sexuality and chemistry in them more than the heterosexual pairings.

This adult movie is known for having a huge budget behind it. A lot of the budget probably went into the costumes and background props. The costumes for all of the characters were done really well especially the female costumes. Most of female characters were in gorgeous corsets, and it looks like the corsets had been tailored to fit the person wearing it. The environments were done really well with the ship looking really realistic and the bar looked like a real bar. There were good props like the swords and guns as well as they hired enough extra characters for the scenes to make the environments feel perfect.
Experience
So, for me, this porn was a great, great winner. I'm seriously impressed, and this is now my favorite movie out of our entire collection. However, I treasure plot very much over the sex scenes. We don't use pornography to get off - we use pornography for the great plot and to giggle at and enjoy the (usually) bad acting. We don't use porn for actual masturbation. On that account, if you were really trying to get off to this, I have a feeling that you would find that the scenes were placed too far apart to actually continue to sexually enjoy the porn. The plot seemed to come first with the scenes intermittently thrown in when it fit with the plot.

In conclusion, this is really an amazingly great porn movie that even has enough plot and acting to function on its own as a regular movie sold at Target. The porn scenes are pretty decently hot, but it's not sex, after sex, after sex. It's a porn movie with a quality plot and hot sex that is enjoyable for solo use or for something to introduce your partner to porn. I'm sincerely impressed.

The scenes include:

1 - Carmen Luvana/Kris Slater - The two celebrate their wedding night. Shortly after, Kris Slater is kidnapped and Carmen Luvana is thrown overboard.
2 - Jesse Jane/Scott Nails - Jesse keeps up the pirate hunter's morale. In a later scene, Evan Stone listens in as Jesse Jane is having sex with someone else and hears her shouting "Oh God!" and praises her for teaching his shipmates about the wonders of God.
3 - Devon, Teagan Presley, Evan Stone - Evan Stone gets into a nice threesome with the two pirate prostitutes. Good humor in this scene.
4 - Jesse Jane/Steve St. Croix - Jesse Jane meets him at the Pirate Inn. He turns out to have been an ex. They have sex.
5 - Carmen Luvana/Jenaveve Jolie. - Very hot sex with the two girls "amusing" the pirates on the floor of the inn.
6 - Austyn Moore/Evan Stone - Evan Stone gets into a dangerous situation, and the only way out of it is to have sex with Austyn Moore. The special effects in this scene are kinda "meh", and honestly, the plot of the entire sex doesn't make sense. Really, there should be more destruction than is shown.
7 - Janine/Tommy Gunn - Janine, the lead pirate girl, forces Tommy Gunn to have sex with her at threat of a knife.
8 - Jesse Jane/Carmen Luvana - The two girls have sex with one another after figuring out their mutual sapphic lust. Honestly, the dialogue before the scene was really really forced, and they start out really roughly and for some odd reason, it becomes really soft and sensual.
9 - Carmen Luvana/Kris Slater - The husband and wife are reunited. After confessing her affair with the other girl in the bar, he gets turned on and sex commences.
10 - Janine/Jesse Jane - The two lead women from the opposing sides get it on. This scene even includes a candle. Yes. In those inappropriate places.
Follow-up commentary
We still love our Pirates movie. It's led to us going and buying the the second movie as well. We've watched the Pirates movie a couple times now - not for sexual sake, but just because the movie is downright hilarious, and when we have friends over who are sexually open, we'll watch the movie and just fast-forward through the sex scenes. This is easily our favorite "funny" porn movie out there. The plot is amazing.
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Comments
  • Blinker
    Blinker  
    Great review! I've been wanting to see this for ages. It sounds hilarious!
  • deadpoet
    deadpoet  
    great review
  • Miss Voluptuous
    Miss Voluptuous  
    Thanks for the review. Sounds like a great film
  • AMGuidroz
    AMGuidroz  
    thanks for the review! I can't wait to watch it! This is actually my fiance's favorite porn! And I have yet to see it!
  • fromazoo
    fromazoo  
    Great review!
  • KrissyNovacaine
    KrissyNovacaine  
    Thanks for the review!
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