Pirates Collector's Edition (Blu-ray) by Digital Playground - review by married with children

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Did not really float my boat

For some reason I was expecting more out of this, but I should have known better after watching Pirates 2. This one is no different then the second. They used the same formula for Pirates 2 as they did with this one.
This might be the right movie for someone, but not for this one.
Published:
Pros:
the costumes were top notch, some of the girls are hot.
Cons:
the acting, the sex scenes, the special effects.
Rating by reviewer:
2
extremely useful review
Summary of the movie: In 1763, the Caribbean is awash in pirates. The worst is Stagnetti, backed by his bloodthirsty first mate, Serena. He wants the Scepter of Inca, which gives its owner great powers. To remove it from remote Calaveras Island, he needs the Dagger of Ataljuapa as well as the aid of a descendant of the family to whom the Scepter was entrusted. So, he kidnaps Manuel Valenzuela, honeymooning with the lovely Isabella. On Stagnetti's trail are pirate hunters, Captain Edward Reynolds and Jules, his commander. Edward's a bit clueless, but he does rescue Isabella. Once Stagnetti has the Dagger, the stage is set for the clash of good and evil.

Its a pretty cool story, one you would see coming out of Hollywood. That on its own, makes this movie worth a viewing. But it lacks on every other aspect.

This has a huge cast of porn stars. Jesse Jane, Carmen Luvana, Janine, Teagan Presley, Devon, Austyn Moore, Jenaveve Jolie, Janine Lindemulder, Evan Stone, Tommy Gunn, Kris Slater, Steven St. Croix, Nhan, Frank Bukkwyd, and Brian Surewood. As you can see, the list is long. You should be able to find one or two porn stars that float your boat. The sex is pretty vanilla, with some roughness coming from Jesse Jane. I am not a fan of her. Too rough, and I don't find her attractive. I found a lot of the stars hot. Which is always a good thing when viewing porn.

The special effects are ok. Some of them are really good, and had me thinking I was watching a big budget movie like spiderman or Pirates of the Caribbean. Other special effects are done so poorly, they look like a kid did them in his room. I laughed through half of the movie, not because it was a comedy; but because the effects were so poor. Some parts looked like a old video game, not a movie.

As far as the sex goes. You get a verity of sexual activities. You get some girl on girl, some MFF threesomes, some roughness (slapping, spitting, ect..), oral, anal, facials, ect.. You don't really get any fetishes. And the sex scenes are pretty short. Not as short as they made them in pirates 2, but you can tell they cut some from each sex scene to make room for the story telling in the main movie. Not that I mind watching the main story, but I purchased a porn movie; I want to see some sex. I don't think that is asking too much, do you?

The costumes were great in this. Made me feel like I was watching a big budget film. I know, they spent over 1 million on this film, but Hollywood spends a min of 20 million on theirs. Adam and eve/Digital Playground spent a lot of effort on the costumes and background to make you feel like you are really their in the 1700's. I was impressed with this aspect of the film.
Experience
This was shot in 16:9 widescreen, so it will look great on your HD wide screen tv. It also has true 5.1 surround sound. The special features include behind the scenes in HD, audio commentary with the stars, visual FX making of, bloopers, pirates short, photo gallery/bios, casting video, and some trailers. You get enough special features to keep you busy for awhile after watching the film.

Neither my wife or I really found this film arousing or sexy. It was fun to sit and watch once, but I doubt it will get a second viewing. It just was not that exciting. The story line was good. The special effects were hit or miss. The acting was for the most part horrible. A few of the actors can somewhat act, but the rest were horrible. This movie was fun the first time, but I will not sit though it for a second.
Follow-up commentary
We have not even bothered to watch this again since the original review. It just did not do anything for us. The sex scenes were just ok, nothing to remember the next morning. I know a lot of people have loved this movie, but I am not one of them.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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My Pirates Collector's Edition (Blu-ray) tags
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Comments
  • Alex Time
    I feel the same way. Even the scenes weren't that great, they almost finished too quickly. Good for a single viewing! Great review!
  • Alex Time
    I feel the same way. Even the scenes weren't that great, they almost finished too quickly. Good for a single viewing! Great review!
  • PeaceToTheMiddleEast
    Great review another one I will probably not watch. There were things in the first and second one that made it ok. But they were boring. Thanks for sharing!
  • Bex1331
    Thanks for the review, it's too bad it didn't float your boat
  • Zandrock
    Thanks
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