Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre by Wicked Pictures - review by darthkitt3n

My decision to order Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre was part amusement at the idea of a horror porn, and part wanting to tease my boyfriend, who says he likes to watch “normal porn.” I felt no interest in watching the actual sex scenes, though I did want to know how you can possibly mix those into something about massacres.

The plot of the movie follows that of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre loosely. A group of five college age kids are driving through the desert to a Metallicide concert. After having sex while the van miraculously continues to drive itself on cruise control, they hit a man. For some reason, they run him over multiple times. One of the girls tries to convince herself they hit a moose.

Throughout the movie, several different movies seem to have plots or characters loosely placed. There is Jason, The Ring, and the Blair Witch Project that I noticed right away. Mixed into this is plenty of sex scenes, as well as death by power tools.

The sex scenes all seem to follow the same layout. The guy receives oral, the couple has sex vaginally or anally, goes back to oral, and the guy finishes on her face or body. This got pretty meh pretty fast. In a few scenes, there is also some girl on girl. A lot of the sex scenes make the movie seem a bit too weird. Like, if you’re running in terror from some unknown thing, do you really stop to have sex?

Some of the lines from the movie made me laugh pretty hard, such as “You have a radio made out of HAM?” However, some of the noises that the girls made during the sex scenes were disgusting or extremely annoying. A couple of them made some sloppy slurpy noises, which my boyfriend said turned him off a lot. One of them made this honky “HUH?!” noise throughout her scene. One girl also had some disgustingly giant moles on her body. Those were pretty distracting.

Overall, the film was odd. It seemed very well done, with the exception of the gun shots, which were obviously fake. It comes with a ton of bonus features, two whole DVD's of them, in fact. These include extended sex scenes, the movie’s trailer, bloopers, and behind the scenes, as well as a lot more. It all comes packaged in a good quality DVD package with a cardboard sleeve over it. My boyfriend reports successfully getting off to this, I, however, just felt like I really needed to go to the bathroom after sitting through 2 1/2 hours of this. I would recommend this to anyone who likes porn and parodies of horror movies. Also if they like stuffed raccoons or girls who growl.

While I haven't watched this again since my first couple of plays, I still find this porn pretty amusing and original. This was, honestly, my first porn DVD, and though I'm not terribly too interested in purchasing any other pornos, I have to say I am kind of proud of owning this one.