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Holding up their Halos with Horns

If you are a fan of girls with tattoos/peircings, rougher sex, Burning Angel, or James Deen; this could be the porn for you. However, if you are not a fan of ATM, lots of gagging and choking, or more cheese then you can handle even for a parody porn, you might want to skip this one.
Published:
Pros:
Cute Alt Girls
Funny if you like Cheese
DVD Features to let you skip plot
Cons:
ATM
Gagging/Choking
Lots of Spitting
Rating by reviewer:
3
extremely useful review
DVD and Features

The whole thing comes on one DVD which features:

-Full Film (177 min)
-Behind the Scenes
-Movie Previews
-Photo Slide Show
-Animated Chapter Index
-Continuous Play
-Scene Selection (called Select a Star)
-Outtakes

My favorite part was the Scene Selection so I could skip over the plot after a full viewing of the whole movie. It allows you to pick via which of the female actors where in the scene.

Plot

Listed as a Parody Porn, Joanna's Angels is supposed to be an Alt take off of Charlies Angels. There is even a very short snippet of the plot on the back of the box reading, 'Joanna’s Angels are on a mission to protect New Yorkers. They take crime fighting seriously, but their raging sex drive always gets in the way. Can the Angels stop having sex long enough to save New York?'. So, I thought I was in for a tongue in cheek take on the series or even the movies based off the television show.

For me what I got was a very watered down, very cheesy attempt to give something a title that would make people pay attention. Of course Joanna Angel is starring in this, and of course she runs Burning Angel as well. The acting and even the writing was off, in my opinion, which for me made it hard to watch anything that had to do with the plot.

The basic idea is that I know Joanna Angel, Kylee Kross and Sabrina Sparx are our trio of angels, and they are up against the 'evil' Katarina Kraven (whom we only see once through the whole movie). She has drugged Tommy Pistol into believing that he is a hipster and that LA/Califorina is the best thing ever (I apparently just did not get this joke at all). So the girls, of course, have to stop him but they get caught up in sexual shananagans not only with themselves but with a cast of others (Pinky Lee,James Deen and Sleazy Pete.)

Scene 1: Joanna Angel, Kylee Kross and Sabrina Sparx
After Winston lays down the plot on the girls, we get Joanna in the car talking to him. They deiced to track her internet connection to find where her evil lair is located. And like any good super hero spy girl, Joanna decides she's had a busy morning and has to go do some lounging with the girls. You figure, okay we get a girl/girl/girl scene to start out with. But it's not just that, it's a FLASHBACK scene, from when Winston and his mother (yup they say that) walked in on the three Angels at Winston's summer home and so he starts to narrate before it goes into the scene.

The first thing, before any of the sex happened that sort of jarred me, was the strange change in camera. It was like the one being used to film. The sex was lower than the one being used to film the plot scenes.

The girls proceed to have sex in various potions. We get cunnilingus, fingering, spanking and spitting. They eventually pull out two dildos and use those as well on one another and with out a condom on them. There is the use of one anal toy but it only gets used on Joanna. The scene is alright, though there is a lot of them looking right at the camera.

Scene 2: Sabrina Sparx and Sleazy Pete

I was very surprised by this scene, to be honest. While it did follow the standard blow job, cunnalingus, PiV combination that I am used to. I got a few surprises out of it, like how during the blow job Pete was on his knees and Sabrina then bends in half between her own legs to continue to go down on him. That and Pete being dressed the whole time in a nice shirt, tie and slacks was an amazing turn on for me. The two of them had really good chemistry for this being Sabrina's first scene. However, I would have liked this scene to be longer, out of all of them it was the shortest.


Scene 3: Joanna Angel and James Deen

I won't lie, there is part of me that got this for James Deen. I am a James Deen fan. So I had high hopes for this scene. It starts with James going down on Joanna, and then her giving him a blow job. For me, how vocal Deen is during the scene, especially the blow job, is great. Though I was thrown off a little by Joanna still looking right at the camera.

Continued in Experiance
Experience
I had to eventually just listen to the audio. He then starts to fuck her starting with PiV and then going to anal, before going right back to PiV with no condom. I thought the scene was going to end, but then SURPRISE! Tommy Pistol (the one of the villans) randomly shows up and it turns into Double Penetration. Before James and Tommy both cum in her mouth. Which also sucked be as Tommy had just been in her ass.

It was a little strange to have the villain just show up out of nowhere. Then we get a whole thing with him running around the streets of New York going on about how he loves LA. I would say that this is meant to further the plot, but it just really made me want to turn the whole movie off. But, it does lead us up to our next scene.

Scene 4: Tommy Pistol, Kylee Kross, Pinky Lee

With this scene we got another surprise, actor in Pinky Lee who Tommy brings in after Kylee goes down on him and he reciprocates by going down on her. We then get your basic M/F/F scene with cunnilingus and him switching up which girl he is currently having PiV sex with. This one was pretty basic, having a longer scene with Tommy acting a little bad boy like was enjoyable, though I think I would have liked it more if it just stuck with Tommy and Kylee.

Scene 5: Joanna Angel, Katarina Kraven, and James Deen

Ah, our final scene after the world's worst fight scene between Tommy and Joanna (trust me when I say this, it's bad.) Joanna comes upon Katrina's evil lair. The two of them proceed to go down on one another, finger one another and Katarina uses a glass toy on Jonanna before James Deen shows up. The way he does is after Katarina chides Joanna for 'coming alone', the whole scene pauses and we get a bad dub over of James going 'My girl never comes alone' to which he shows up and rips his shirt down the front. They then proceed to punish the evil Katarina with a very rough blow job before the three of them switch between various potions of PiV and James going down on them or going down on one another. There is again more ATM in this scene but I was able to look past that (and the dark lighting) because the rest of it was rather hot.

I am not going to tell you how it ends, but it does have a magical twist!
Follow-up commentary
After watching this a few more times, I have found that since I am able to skip most of the 'plot' scenes thanks to scene selection I am seriously able to enjoy this DVD quite a bit more.

Though I am still not able to get past some of the moments of ATM but they don't totally ruin the scene for me anymore as I can focus on other things.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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My Joanna's Angels tags
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Anyone
    • Masturbation
    • Solo
  • Features
    [ ? ]
    What kind of features does this product offer?
    • Outtakes
    • Scene selection
    • Star selection
This review was edited by
  • sunkissedJess sunkissedJess
  • Rank:
     
    6.7
  • Edited reviews: 121
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Comments
  • - Kira -
    - Kira -  
    So I sorta want this for Joanna and James...but cheesy plot lines kill porn for me. Waahh.

    Wonderful review!
  • Basalt
    Basalt  
    Thanks for the detailed review!
  • Zandrock
    Zandrock  
    Thanks for sharing
  • Beneath The Bed
    Beneath The Bed  
    Thanks for the review!
  • Mizery Moon
    Mizery Moon  
    awesome
  • no name 1
    no name 1  
    thank you for the good review
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