Lady Scarface by Adam & Eve - review by Viktor Vysheslav Malkin

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Lady Scarface Lady Scarface

DVD by Adam & Eve

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Just Awful!

This film is crippled by poor editing and directing, along with poor acting. The sex is fair at best and boring at its worst. The poorly written story feels like less of a homage and more along the lines of a middle finger directed towards the original, making this a definite pass.
Published:
Pros:
Great cover Art.
Cons:
Bad acting, bad directing, bad editing, bad story, bad camera and sound quality, and many more!
Rating by reviewer:
1
extremely useful review
Front Cover:

The front cover is amazing, and a complete and utter mirage that is completely misleading to the quality of this film. To me this is the highlight of this production, it seems like they put much more time and effort in this attractive front cover than the actual movie.

The front cover has a picture of Carmen Luvana in a white outfit holding a gun with the words “Lady Scarface” across the front. The cover is split vertically and equally with two sold colors, the left side of the background is black, the right side is white.

Back cover:

The back cover is a mix of standard movie films and other porn films. There is a short description of this film on the top, in the middle is a several screen captures from the movie, and in the bottom is a credit like text that you find on the back of Hollywood DVDs. The red text is very stylish and stands out well against the black background.

Menus:

The main menu has the same picture of Carman Luvana as the front cover of DVD, with the addition of money symbols in the background (all which are moving) and flashing lights.

Film Overview:

Tony Luvana (played by Carman) is the female lead.

The movie starts out with Tony Luvana being interrogated by a couple of cops. They call her a scum bag and ask her questions before one of the cops strip search her. Of course this strip search leads to sex, which starts out with a blow job and then moves to vaginal intercourse and ends with a cumover. The screen then goes black and text reads “One month later”.

The next scene starts out with Tony and another girl (Angel) working at a car wash, Tony and the car wash owner have a disagreement before the owner leaves. All the sudden Angel starts performing oral sex on Tony, Tony gets a strap-on from somewhere and she uses it vaginally on Angel before the scene ends. After the scene ends Tony and Angel are shown talking to a lower mob boss where he sets them up with a mission to deliver “goods”. Tony is in mid sentence when they abruptly go to the next scene, a sex scene none the less.

The next scene starts out with two unidentified characters having sex, after the sex scene. Tony and another male character walk into a diner and get in an altercation with owner (guy from the previous sex scene) over a deal. After being taken by gun point the back they tie Tony and her male companion up. After insults being launched by both sides, the owner pulls out a chainsaw and beheads Tony’s friend. Blood goes everywhere, all over Tony, but miraculously none gets on the owner who was wielding the chainsaw. After panning over to Tony a few seconds later, all the blood is gone! Afterward, Angel shows up and saves the day.

The next scene is another sex scene with two unidentified characters having sex. After the sex scene we are introduced to the male character, who is a top mob boss, soon to be Tony’s boss. Not long after meeting with the mob boss, there is a sex scene with a guard and some random chick. This scene came out of nowhere.

Skipping slightly ahead.

So Tony has made it! She is big time, now doing big time jobs for a Columbian coke dealer. After meeting her Columbian contact, the contact has a three way with two girls. Afterward large sums of money that Tony has accumulated up to this point is shown in a montage. The next scene is a sex scene between the main mob boss from before and Angel. After the scene Tony enters and kills the boss after catching the two together.

Enter a potential buyer, after talking to the buyer Tony gives the buyer a blow job and then has sex with him. Why? Who knows, I don’t even think the writer knows. After the sex scene and a deal gone bad there is a major gun fight that ends with Tony being shot in the back from close range with a sawed off barrel shotgun and landing in a pool.

The credits roll.

Camera work:

The camera angles during the sex were alright, without adding anything special or taking anything away from the scenes. The image quality was poor, the picture was not great, however it was not completely blurry and the sex scenes were visible. To me, the image quality looked like VHS quality and not DVD quality, which is odd since this was shot in HD. Even with my great laptop effects the quality was not the greatest.
Experience
(Continued)

Sound work:

The sound quality was laughable at best, the inner dialogue was given this strange extraterrestrial filter to it, and some of the scenes had to be voiced over. Some scenes were hard to hear and others were not. I would have loved subtitles.

Bonus Features:
Commentary with Carman Luvana, Ava Rose, and director Daniel Dakota.
Two Bonus Scenes
Making Lady Scarface
Outtakes
Lady Scarface Trailer
Lady Scarface Teasers

Personal Comments:

Is this a Parody? Or is this a legitimate homage to Scarface? It’s certainly not a parody, as it makes no attempt to make jokes, so that leaves only one option (confirmed in commentary).

This was a horrible movie, I get that this is porn and maybe we shouldn’t expect Grammy award winning performances, but if you are trying to make a legitimate attempt at a film with a story line then there should be at least some decent acting and at very minimum a decent attempt at story telling. At one point an actress doesn’t even finish her dialogue before the scene cuts away, and this was not purposely done for suspense. The acting was horrible, and the directing was just as bad. The screen would show two people having sex, and then in the next scene they would be introduced. I understand that this can be a decent technique for a single use; however after multiple uses it just becomes formulaic.

All I can say is Carmen Luvana should stick to the plotless porn titles or take some acting classes. At one point I actually thought I heard her say “Bang!” when she was jerking around that gun acting like she was shooting at someone. While I am on the subject of her talking, let me tell you that the phony accent she was using was borderline insulting. Do not get me wrong, she is a great performer, just acting, at least in this film was not very good. Sometimes poor writing can also make actors look bad and this may have led to some of Carman’s troubles.

The dialogue was terrible, and I swear the writer was looking for as many opportunities for his characters to say “fuck” and other expletives. I am not offended by such terms, I think they are acceptable in film, however when boring characters say it to for that thrill factor it gets old quickly.

Now lets move on to the sex scenes. They were just as bad as the horrid acting. The sex was comparable to watching robots have sex. The same recipe was used: blow job, oral sex on the females, and vaginal sex (with a man or a female with a strap-on).

I am giving this a one star rating; I would not recommend this movie to anyone.
Follow-up commentary
I still find Lady Scarface to be a disgrace to not only the original Scarface, but also to adult films in general. Yes, that is an incredibly harsh statement, but it is in my opinion, true.

The storyline was at best awful, the dialogue was horrible and the delivery was just as bad. Lady Scarface was completely predictable; even though before this I had limited exposure to Scarface (I have since watched the orginal). This was my first exposure to Carman Luvana, and to say I was a little disappointed is just an understatement. Thankfully I have since viewed another film (Pirates) featuring Carman, where she was pretty good with both her spoken lines and her sex, completely opposite to this film.

I still recommend this to no one.
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Comments
  • Envy
    Envy  
    I'm not a porn fan, but this sounds like a real laughable B-movie type deal. Never seen Scarface before, so I can't really understand half of this, but it sounds terrible. Even I would appreciate a good plot. Good review, though.
  • Waterfall
    Waterfall  
    Nice review! I haven't bought any new porn in a while, but I will make sure to stay away from this one lol
  • Viktor Vysheslav Malkin
    Viktor Vysheslav Malkin  
    @Goth Thanks!

    @Waterfall Thanks
  • ScottA
    ScottA  
    Sounds remarkably bad.
  • TitsMcScandal
    TitsMcScandal  
    I feel like when porn actors try and act it just fails miserably. Although there is such a push from many people for plot in their porn movies. I dunno, I think plot can be interesting, but I'm watching the porn for the fucking- not the plot. Nobody is going to be winning any Oscars!

  • namelesschaos
    namelesschaos  
    Wow, I'm getting extremely turned off just reading the review. Good review however.
  • mllebeauty
    mllebeauty  
    Great review! Sorry it was such a bad movie...but I have to say I'm glad you watched it instead of me!
  • Dusk
    Dusk  
    Oh wow, this sounds like something I never want to see. Reading your review was already enough of a laugh! Thanks for the review.
  • meganthomas
    meganthomas  
    Great review! Unfortunately, I couldn't see the image of the cover, which was basically your only pro! lol
  • Andromeda
    Andromeda  
    So as horrible as this sounds, I kinda want to watch it now kicks. Hahaha! Nice review
  • Viktor Vysheslav Malkin
    Viktor Vysheslav Malkin  
    Thanks everyone for your comments
  • sasweetheart89
    sasweetheart89  
    I saw a thread in the forums about how you were going to use some of your EF points to buy this, sorry it was so terrible It was fun reading your review tho!
  • Mr. E
    Mr. E  
    Wow, I love reading reviews that are brutally honest. It's too bad this movie turned out so poorly. Thanks for sharing.
  • RosesThorns
    RosesThorns  
    Wow sorry it was so terrible...
  • PassionQT
    PassionQT  
    You just saved everyone some money! Thanks for taking the hit with this movie.
  • zoobamafooba
    zoobamafooba  
    nice review..sorry it sucked so bad!
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