The Masseuse 3 by Digital Playground - review by KnK

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Mental Illness, Massages, and Sex, Oh My!

I expected more from DP. I've seen a lot of good or at least decent porns from DP, but this was an abomination. I know that I shouldn't expect a lot of accuracy surrounding mental health in a porn or any type of popular media, however, I found the attempt to make a psychiatric disorder into something sexy to be in poor taste. Overall, this porn was pretty pathetic. The scenes were repetitive and boring and there was really no plot to connect these pitiful dicey scenes.
Published:
Pros:
HD DVD and Blu-Ray Combo, Kayden Kross,
Cons:
Odd inaccuracies, threadbare plot, repetitive, long, boring, inaccurate psychology
Rating by reviewer:
2
extremely useful review
Scene 1: Our porn starts with Scott Nails dropping by Kayden Kross's place to give her a massage. Meanwhile, she's sneaking around the house decked out in sexed-up commando gear under the impression that Scott is the enemy - either that or she's really into roleplay. She pounces on him and and starts rubbing her crotch against his leg and crotch, then proceeds to unzip his pants and reach for his cock. He comments that she’s crazy, but hot. She gives him one hell of a blowjob and the scene proceeds with kissing, gratuitous female oral, deep throating, choking and a variety of vaginal entry positions. The scene ends with a facial.

Scene 2: After Kayden and Scott's long scene, we find ourselves magically transported to a couple (Yurizan Beltran and Toni Ribas) in the midst of a tawdry tryst. The scene is unappealing in essentially every way. The scene includes: something akin to heavy petting, gratuitous female oral, oral for the male, kissing, fingering and clit rubbing. The vaginal entry positions mostly include variations of woman on top, spooning, and some derivations of missionary. The scene has a nice mix of slow and fast fucking and a lot of POV shots. The scene end with oral and a popshot onto her body, surprisingly not on her face.

Scene 3: We find Samantha Ryan glowering with full-fledged bitch-face, but it's unclear why she's so angry, that is until the viewer finds out that Samantha's boyfriend (apparently Toni Ribas) is a cheating man-whore. She starts bitching to James Deen about her boyfriend which seems a bit awkward for him. She decides that two can play at that game and decides to cheat on Toni with the masseuse! Le gasp! None of us saw THAT coming. The sex scene starts with a hand massage that quickly gets more intimate and leads to kissing, clit rubbing, oral for her (doggy style, missionary, and face sitting), oral for him, deep throating and gagging, vaginal penetration (missionary and rear-entry), handjobs, spanking, and face fucking. The scene ends with a popshot on her belly. One of the pros of this scene is that even though the sex itself is incredibly uninspired, the performers get a little creative and use the pool table and couch.

Scene 4: It turns out that Mick Blue is Kayden's psychiatrist. She is in need of serious help, as she suffers from multiple personality disorder (it is now known as disassociative identity disorder). Mick's wife, Francesca Le, is incredibly horny and wants to have sex with Mick now, despite the fact that Kayden is in the waiting room at that very moment waiting for her appointment. Mick passively fights his wife's intentions, but she decides she's going to have her way anyway and prances out into the waiting room to tell Kayden that there will be a delay. What follows is a very lengthy round of plain-Jane vanilla sex which includes oral for both parties, kissing, and vaginal penetration. The scene ends with a popshot on her face.

Scene 5: Kayden and Mick talk about her meds, and we find out that they apparently have not been working (Really? I hadn't noticed). He decides that he's going to start dropping in on her to see if she's doing alright outside of his office. The scene cuts to Kayden playing realtor who is trying to sell her own house to her husband. Mick Blue drops by and sees that Kayden is not having one of her better days. The massage boy, James Deen pops by. He seems completely confused, but the husband decides to tell Kayden that he's offering her the massage because he's so pleased with the house that he's decided to buy from her. The husband leaves and Kayden gets her massage. After the massage, Mick decides to check on Kayden, who's in the mood for Dr. Feelgood. She throws herself at him babbling about how nice it would be to be like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, completely in love, beautiful, rich and constantly having amazing sex. After hearing this, Dr. Feelgood decides it's okay to have sex with her anyway because clearly she wants it, despite the fact that she is very ill. The scene includes oral for both parties, and vaginal penetration. The scene ends with a popshot on her face. What bothers me here is that Dr. Feelgood (aka Mick Blue) doesn't even try to be the good doctor and persuade his patient to not have sex with him.
Experience
It's difficult for me to give a written critique that doesn't completely tear into the plot, but I'll do my best to do so without sounding like a shrieking banshee.

Critiques:

Scene 1: I usually like Kayden Kross, but in this scene, I felt like she was overcompensating and really trying to prove how much she was enjoying herself sexually. It actually got on my nerves and I wanted to tell her to shut up. Another thing that bothered me is that she was thanking him. I never understand why women thank men in porn, it sounds so ridiculously off-color to me. Why should you be thanking someone for pleasing you when you've already pleased them sexually. I consider sex a reciprocal thing unless we're talking BDSM and power-play, but that's another matter entirely.

Scene 2: I won't lie. I thought this scene was revolting. I didn't like Yurizan Beltran's breasts. They were covered in stretch marks and they had awkward tan lines which made the stretch marks more prominent. I'm not sure, but it looks like she already had naturally large breasts, but decided to opt for a titty-job anyway because they hang so unnaturally. Another icky thing about this scene is how much sweat was on both of their bodies. Generally, I consider that to be a sign of high-arousal, but I wanted to give them a towel, well, that is when I wasn't freaking out about how sweaty they were. One of the plus sides of this scene is that they talk to each other in Spanish, which can be fun if you have moderate to intermediate understanding of Spanish.

Scene 4: Mick Blue's office looks nothing like a psychiatrist's office. It looks like a general physician's office; also, he's wearing a doctor's lab coat, which is something that you generally do not see psychiatrists wearing.

Scene 5: I find it bothersome that the doctor in this seems to really just be a skeez-bag who's excited to score with his patient. Disassociative Indentity Disorder is a controversial topic and I wouldn't consider it a laughing matter, nor would it be alright for a physician to have sex with a current client, especially not if she doesn't know what she's doing. That's messed up and I can't find that sexy.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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My The Masseuse 3 tags
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Anyone
    • Couples
    • Solo
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Anywhere with a dvd or blu-ray player
    • Bedroom / on a bed
    • Play party
  • General
    [ ? ]
    Other tags that are useful and descriptive for this product.
    • Blu-ray
    • Hd
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