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Not even close to heaven.

I would suggest this DVD to couples; it's very romantic and sensual, and it appears that was the purpose behind the scenes. It was a little too sensual and romantic for me, but I would recommend it for a more soft core audience.
Published:
Pros:
The performers are gorgeous, there's good chemistry in some scenes.
Cons:
Entire DVD is overexposed, scenes are drawn out too long.
Rating by reviewer:
3
extremely useful review


Introduction
This was probably the weirdest porn intro I've ever watched. The opening credits were sappy wedding and family pictures. I distinctly remember looking at my girlfriend and saying, "What the hell?" So the opening credits were basically dumb to me, and I began thinking, "Ew, this is going to be a crappy porno." Even the beginning scene left me with a feeling like I was about to be severely disappointed. However, I think the movie redeemed itself okay; also, every scene involves safe sex with a condom.

Scene 1:
Xander tells her about a couple. They are in a garden and having a romantic dinner that turns into a steamy sex scene in a romantic garden, on a fancy couch! This scene has oral, missionary, doggy, and a few interesting angles. The camera work is pretty decent, and the sound is phenomenal. The video is high quality as well. This scene is particularly bright and the lighting doesn't look or feel very much like you're outside. I felt that this scene was EXTREMELY hot!

Scene 2:
Kiara Dane discusses her memories again, it then swaps to show a coffee room for these..."angels" who are discussing someone not letting go of a memory. The scene turns to a sex scene between Xander Corvus and Allie Haze. This scene is still very light, the entire movie has a hazy white feel to it, making the "heaven" part more believable. The only part of this scene that is ick, is the fact that her bush is so furry. I don't like furry girls, and when he went down on her, I was like, ew. No offense to her, she's gorgeous otherwise, but I have a preference against ferrets in panties. This scene has oral, doggy style, cow girl, spooning, and a few other varieties. I felt that this scene didn't have as much chemistry as the first I saw.

Scene 3:
The previous scene is just a fantasy. Back to the coffee room, and other "angels" come in. Xander leaves with the others, and Allie is left behind. She goes walking and runs into Kiara outside. They discuss Allie's crush on Xander. Allie asks Kiara to share a memory with her in return for talking about Xander, so Kiara begins talking about it. Chris Johnson gives her a present for her birthday. The scene fades, and Kiara is still trying to think of other memories. Kiara finds out that Allie and Xander have no memories. Allie leaves, and two new people walk in and sit with Kiara. They discuss memories, and say they will make a new memory.

Scene 4:
The new couple get hot and sexy with each other. This scene is interesting because they have sex "under the sheets," literally. There is a sheet over them both during the entire first part of the scene. Which makes the lighting almost entirely too bright, the heavenly haze that illuminates is almost annoying. The entire scene is overexposed, and her skin is just washed out by the entire thing. After he goes down on her, they come out from under the sheets. She then goes down on him. He looks bored, and completely uninterested. There is absolutely no chemistry here. There are a lot of bad hair mess-ups in this scene that look like she has extensions that didn't get put in properly; it kind of looks like a girl mullet. The guy is apathetic the entire time. I will say this was the worst sex scene of this entire DVD.

Scene 5:
Kiara heads upstairs and falls asleep. She begins dreaming about Chris, then she wakes up. She runs into two "angels" and discusses the memories more, then wants to talk to Xander again. She says she's ready to pick a memory. A scene of their dinner before they got married, where he says he loves her, is the memory she chooses. She then hands Xander the note from Allie. Allie is writing a note when Xander walks up and realizes she's been doing little things for him, he kisses her and leaves. The religious hymnal sounding music playing right now is creepy.

Scene 6:
Kiara gets to relive her memory again. This scene has oral, cowgirl, spooning, doggy, and a few other positions of interest. These two have good chemistry with each other, and this scene was quite enjoyable.

DVD Features
Behind the scenes, photo gallery, trailers, web trailer, company info, and Pick Your Pleasure, a feature which allows you to decide what you're looking for. There are options for Tease, Blowjob, Missionary, Doggystyle, Cowgirl, and Popshot. Each selection will take you through the selected option, in each scene.

Actors/Actresses
Kiara Diane, Chris Johnson, Xander Corvus, Allie Haze, Victoria White, Rocco Reed, Brooke Lee Adams, and Danny Mountain.
Experience
Pet and I made plenty of comments during two poorly done scenes in this DVD. I was disappointed in this DVD more than I was excited. It wasn't Almost Heaven, it was Almost a Complete Letdown. There were two really good scenes, and two really bad scenes. Not sure that I'm happy with the balance of it.
Follow-up commentary
What I've ended up doing with this DVD is skipping to the two scenes that I enjoy, and just avoiding the rest. I don't hate this DVD, but I don't love it either. I'm rather neutral to it, and find that if I want to get a little pre-sex turn on, I can watch the two scenes I do enjoy and then shut the DVD off.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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My Almost Heaven tags
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Couples
    • Sex
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Bedroom / on a bed
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • All over body
This review was edited by
  • Sir Sir
  • Rank:
     
    7.9
  • Edited reviews: 435
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Comments
  • Sir
    Sir  
    Great review, Mid! This doesn't seem like a DVD for me.
  • Mihoshi4301
    Mihoshi4301  
    Thanks for the review.
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