Conquest by Wicked Pictures - review by Maiden

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Conquest Conquest

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One of the worst pornos I have ever seen!

Not worth the price at all, unless you are a HUGE fan of Jenna Jameson and HAVE to own everything she is in.
Published:
Pros:
Attractive cast, some attractive sets and costumes.
Cons:
Dubbing of the sex scenes. MONKS CHANTING!!! WTF?
Rating by reviewer:
1
extremely useful review
I chose this DVD to review, because the cast looked attractive enough, and I'm a fan of "big budget" porn. I read that this one got many awards, and the period costumes on the cover had me intrigued. It also stars the infamous Jenna Jameson. While I'm not a fan, I thought my man would like her. I was really looking forward to getting this one in the mail.

Conquest was a huge disappointment. While every one in the cast is fairly attractive, I couldn't get passed the men's hairdo's and earrings. I know this seems trivial, but it's as if they tried to model these guys after the men described in Harlequin romance novels. This could have been okay, but the main guy had a helmet of hair that looked as if he used a whole can of Aqua Net! The huge earring he wore was really distracting as well...but enough about that. I'm sure most of you can get passed those personal peeves of mine.

My major complaint has to do with the dubbing of the sex scenes. Instead of just having the "natural" sounds of the sex scene, they decided to dub in the sounds. It was very noticeable that the sounds of pleasure you heard were NOT coming from the actors. At first, I thought the sound track was off, but then you could tell that the voices and moans were completely different from what they sounded like a few minutes before, during the "acting" scene. Still, I tried to press on.

My second major complaint is the sound track. I'm used to cheesy porn music, I even welcome it. However, monks chanting is not something I want to hear when I'm trying to get turned on. Yes, I said it... MONKS CHANTING! In a scene that didn't warrant it! Then the music switched to a slow "romantic" melody that didn't go with the scene either. I could possibly understand it in a scene with a loving couple, but it was a pretty rough sex scene with two women and one man. HORRIBLE!

There is another scene where they end up on an island with "natives". These natives were dressed in cheap looking hula girl outfits. The whole scene looked like a cheesy Hawaiian luau, complete with the fat "king" who gives his daughter as a gift... blah, blah, blah. She WAS the most attractive female in this whole movie, in my opinion at least.

Still, as I said before...most of the cast is attractive. If you press the mute button, it is possible to enjoy the sex scenes for what they are. As for the story line... it wasn't very interesting. I had problems paying attention especially during the awful fight scenes.

I hope this review is helpful. I have put off writing it for as long as possible. It's much easier to write a review for something you enjoyed. There are some special features that we didn't watch. I will have to do a follow up review to comment on those.
Experience
I'm a big fan of porn, good or bad. Generally if it's bad, I can at least laugh about it and still get off watching the sex. That was not true in this case. I had the hardest time watching this all the way through. It took several attempts. I also think it's worth mentioning, that when my fiance and I started to watch this, he already had an erection. After just a few minutes, it went soft. In fact, even during the sex scene, I had to work at him to get the hardness back.

During the second and third attempts to finish this movie, we actually held off any attempts at love making until I had shut off the movie completely.
Follow-up commentary
I haven't been able to convince myself to watch this again... it's THAT horrible. My man used it once to masturbate when I wasn't home. It was only because it was still in the DVD player in our bedroom. Also, he had to mute it to get off.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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My Conquest tags
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Jenna jameson fans
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Home
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Comments
  • ~LaUr3n~
    LMAO this review is hilarious!
  • Sir
    Well, I'm sorry to hear about your experience! That's how I am with basically all pornographic films, but for someone who enjoys them...that's not a good thing. HAHA! Great review, I enjoyed it, even though you didn't enjoy this awful film.
  • Maiden
    Thanks for your comments and votes!

    I was worried that i didn't do a good job. Glad some people enjoyed it!

    My love of cheesy porn and horror movies has me waiting for the XXXorcist to com back into stock! Big smile
  • Kayla
    Thanks for the review. I hate cheesy porn movies.
  • NuMe
    Very nice review! I liked the WTF in the cons. LOL!
  • Maiden
    My pleasure, Mistress Kay! I was hoping for something along the lines of Pirates when I picked this one to review. Needless to say, it was not at all like the Pirates movies!

    Thanks Newme!
  • missex
    Well, I like Jenna's tits and I didn't like this movie. She is much better in other movies.
  • Maiden
    I'm not a huge fan of hers, but I thought my man might like her. I'm just not too crazy about blondes, and porn actresses that look like the all the others: blonde, skinny, fake boobs, no real curves. This movies was full of those types of women. Aside from that, it was just awful.

    Thanks for the comment, missex!
  • Seharra
    " Also, he had to mute it to get off."

    I almost died of laughter reading this review! Thanks so much for writing it; if only the video was as entertaining.
  • Maiden
    Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it!
  • oldman
    Dud!!
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