So bored...must...resist...fast forwarding...I just flat-out don't like this movie; it was hard to watch without fast forwarding or falling asleep. It's nice to see women of different age groups, and some real boobs, but the lack of variety or toys makes it no fun to watch, and the lack of orgasms just pisses me off.
Younger and older women, some real boobs, Raylene, some amusing lines
Bad acting, no toys, boring sex, boring everything else, no orgasms, too long
Lip Service is a porn DVD from 3rd Degree Films, directed by Mike Quasar and released in 2010. It features an "all girl, all milf" cast, according to the front cover. This DVD comes in a regular case with a cardboard sleeve on the outside, which I never understand really. "What am I supposed to do with this stupid sleeve? It's in my way! GAH!" The front cover shows Raylene and Lisa Ann kissing, but they don't actually have a scene together in the movie. The back cover shows typical shots of the sex in the film, with tasteful phrases like "hot for pussy," "muff diving ladies," and "dirty little sluts."
The film begins in a bar with Raylene explaining how this speed dating event works. She says they are all there for "no bullshit, no games" to find women they like because they're tired of going to Craig's list and the "dyke bars" looking for quality hookups. The women split up into couples and are given two minutes to see if they hit it off or not. If not, one woman switches tables and spends two minutes with someone else, and so on, until they find a good match. From there, we see several pairings fail miserably; some of these women really don't like each other, and some of them are just super bitchy. Eventually, though, each woman is paired up with with someone she likes, and sex scenes ensue...very long, boring sex scenes.
Each sex scene goes on entirely too long, and they were all completely plain and boring for me; I had to struggle not to fast forward through the whole movie. Every scene has a basic formula: kissing, grinding, oral, end scene. There was a bit of toe sucking in a couple of scenes, and in one scene we see a woman rub her boob against someone's clit, but that's where the interesting stuff stops. There was very little variety, and it just became tedious to watch. Being a bit of a sex toy junkie, I had hoped someone would whip out a vibrator or a dildo at some point, but much to my chagrin, no. There weren't even any orgasms anywhere in the film. Sure, there was a lot of moaning, but no actual orgasms. Each scene just ended in the middle of the action and went back to the ladies trying to pair up at the bar. It felt really anticlimactic and disappointing. I mean, I was ready to be done watching by that time, but I still expected to see a real ending first.
The bar scenes were okay to watch and had a few amusing moments. At one point, Lisa Ann sits down with Dyanna Lauren and points to her boobs, saying, "Those are fabulous! Dr. Kilibural?" Dyanna points at Lisa Ann's boobs and proclaims, "Dr. Martinezzz!" I think that line actually managed to coax a little grin from me. They're a match made in fake boobed heaven. Mostly, though, the acting was pretty unnatural and forced. I guess that's nothing new with porn, but when combined with blah sex, it just makes for a waste of over two hours.
Lip Service was only barely enjoyable because of one person: Raylene. This woman can actually act! She's beautiful, charming, and really refreshing to watch. She's rejected by women right and left all through the movie and is the last person to find someone to go home with, but I can't imagine that would be the case in real life. It was also nice to see women, younger and older, with real boobs as well as fake ones.
The sex scenes:
1. Francesca Le and India Summer (wearing really pretty bras!)
2. RayVeness and Michelle Lay (I think they both have real boobs! GASP)
3. Lisa Ann and Dyanna Lauren (I can't for the life of me understand Dyanna's incessant laughter throughout the scene, but they do seem to be enjoying themselves.)
4. Tanya Tate and Carolyn Reese
5. Raylene and Zoe Holloway (they actually seem to have chemistry...and real boobs)
After the last sex scene, the credits roll.
The DVD contains a Scene Selection menu, trailers for other 3rd Degree films, and a gallery of photos of the ladies. It also has an auto-restart feature, so be sure to turn it off when you're done, or the movie will just keep looping.
I am not a fan of this movie at all. It's not absolutely terrible, but I didn't enjoy it and was really bored from beginning to end. The lack of variety, toys, and orgasms just didn't do it for me.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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