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That's your secret past? You're putting me to sleep.

Julia Ann and Gracie have a dirty secret. So do I. I hate this movie and I feel like I wasted over two hours of my life watching boring porn with a story line that doesn't even make sense half the time. I feel like this had a lot of room to be done well, but they totally missed it with this one. I liked other things written by Nica Noelle, but this one fell short in the story and porn departments.
Published:
Pros:
Good if you like boring vanilla sex and hate story lines
Cons:
Sex scenes drag on forever, story is horribly done, acting is sub-par
Rating by reviewer:
2
extremely useful review
Presentation:

The cover has a slightly classy picture of a topless Julia Ann with James Deen holding her from behind in a slightly intimate way. It made the movie look like it was something worth watching. It looks like a sweet movie instead of a "bang your brains out" style porn.

Title Menu:

The title menu is really in your face. You don't even have to play the movie before the porn starts. The music is super cheesy, but not real porno music. (In fact, it reminded me of music from the video game Final Fantasy.) From there you can select "Play" to watch the movie from the beginning. "Scenes" will take you to a list so you can skip right to your favorite scene. "Slideshow" is a nice little collection of still images of the ladies featured in the movie.

Plot: ★★★☆☆

Gracie (Gracie Glam) isn't too fond of her new step-mother, Julia Ann. She feels like she's very manipulative and is giving her dad a run for his money. Gracie and her fiance, James (James Deen), head to spend the weekend with Gracie's father (Tommy Gunn), and stepmother. Julia sets her sights on James and begins to seduce him behind Gracie and her father's back. Spoiler Alert: One day during the weekend, Gracie runs off to see her play partners, Christian and Nina Hartley. It's implied that the couple is kinky and that Gracie sees them because her fiance isn't into any kink. While she's there, she find a picture of her stepmother and the couple explains to her that she used to be their domme. Gracie rushes home to confront her stepmother about this saying that she knows her "dirty secret". In telling her this, Julia Ann realizes that Gracie also has a secret because she's seeing them, too.

Acting: ★★☆☆☆

Ok, I know this is a porn, and not a major budget film, but still. I was incredibly unimpressed with all of it. All Gracie does throughout the movie is give overly exaggerated dirty looks to her stepmother and roll her eyes. Tommy Gunn has a few lines. His acting isn't the best out there, but his character is really just a background one. Julia Ann's performance was lukewarm. Her major role was to prance around and be the sexy stepmom, but she really overdoes it and it loses the effect. James Deen doesn't do a horrible job, but again, his character is really one-dimensional. Christian and Nina Harley were the only ones to actually pull off their role and not make a mockery of it. All in all, I wasn't impressed by any of it.

Scenes: ★★☆☆☆

I can sum all the scenes up in one word: boring. When Gracie goes to see her play partners, I was expecting (or really, really hoping) that things would get a little interesting, but they really fell short. For being supposedly "kinky", the scenes in this movie put me half to sleep.

Gracie Glam and James Deen: I swear, if I had sex in my relationship, I'd be looking somewhere else. This scene is cute and resembles real sex . . . if you're a boring couple. They start with some kissing and cuddling and cuteness. Then, there's the longest cunnilingus scene ever. Meanwhile, Gracie is going on on some crazy moaning tangent. I mean, it can't be that good. It certainly doesn't look like it. They they shift to some rather boring positions. He cums on her. Over and done with. Thank god.

Julia Ann and Tommy Gunn: Even though I really didn't enjoy the first scene very much, I was surprised that I liked this one a lot less. There's nothing noteworthy here. Boring, usual positions. Exaggerated enjoyment. The sex was very stiff and there was very little chemistry. This scene really did start to put me to sleep.

Gracie Glam, Nina Hartley, and Christian: Hmm. This looks a little different. It starts out with some spanking. I was hoping this scene would be full of good stuff. Disappointed again. There's a little bit of oral and the normal, boring positions that are becoming a theme. If you think a threesome, a little bit of silly dirty-talk, a *small* amount of girl-on-girl, and some very light spanking is kinky, you might find this interesting. I sure didn't. These scenes are starting to drag on forever and be more torture than anything.

Julia Ann and James Deen: Ok. This one wasn't so bad. It was the same boring sex from the rest of the movie, but this one seemed a little more natural or passionate. There's a nice blowjob in this scene. James unloads in Julia's mouth. (Most interesting thing I'd seen in the last two hours.) Still, though, I wasn't too impressed by this one, either.
Experience
When I read the summary, I thought that this one might be worth watching. I mean, there's so much room for a nice story line. Little did I know that the plot is loosely threaded in the 15 minutes of this 2 hour and 12 minute movie that aren't porn. Less than 5 minutes into the movie there's the first scene. Five minutes after that, there's the second. I really don't even think the story was executed as well as it could have been. I was expecting more out of this movie because I had just watched Fatal Seduction made and written by the same people and I really enjoyed that one. This one, however, was more of a disappointment than anything. Fatal Seduction was a hit, this was a total miss. I was incredibly too bored to be turned on by this one.
Follow-up commentary
I attempted to watch this with my lover, but he just laughed at how lame it was. I mean, the sex is bad, the story is bad, the acting is bad. It's just not that great at anything really. I accidentally left it in my computer for a while and every time I opened the CD drive on accident I was reminded of how horrible I think this movie is.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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Comments
  • El-Jaro
    El-Jaro  
    I saw the trailer for this on EdenTube. It seemed interesting...
  • I'll Miss You EF :(
    I'll Miss You EF :(  
    This was by far the most boring porn I've ever seen. Great review!
  • Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
    Dawn (Lilac Distraction)  
    I know, right? It made no sense. They should have called it "Boring Day in the Life of a Dysfunctional Family"
  • oldhippy
    oldhippy  
    Great review. Extremely well done. Thank you.
  • Midway through
    Midway through  
    Great review. Weird question, how did you do those stars? That's neat!
  • Art & Sensation
    Art & Sensation  
    Meh, it sounds like almost every other porn out there. I have yet to come across a porn film which features something even resembling self assured and lively acting. (Until they've taken off their last piece of clothing, that is.)

    Enjoyed reading your review.
  • Diabolical Kitty
    Diabolical Kitty  
    Awesome review. I keep hearing good and bad things about this one. I'm not sure if I want it or not now.
  • LaLaLouise
    LaLaLouise  
    Great review. Stuff like this is the reason I'm not really a porn enthusiast at all, lol.
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