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The Boring Masseuse

Unfortunately, The Masseuse 3 got nothing but a lot of yawns from me. The rinse and repeat vanilla scenes were a bore. This movie could have been so much more than what it actually is.
Published:
Pros:
Great cast, amazingly crisp picture.
Cons:
Barely any massage, rinse and repeat sex scenes
Rating by reviewer:
2
extremely useful review
Covers: The front cover is splashed with a large, gorgeous shot of Kayden Kross and some other stills from the movie in the background. The back shows more stills from the movie, 4 of which are of hands massaging a body to give the illusion that The Masseuse is about massage.

This is also a DVD/Blu Ray Combo Pack movie. My review is based on the DVD version only.

Menus and Special Features: The main menu is typical of all Digital Playgroud productions with Play, Chapters, Special Features, and Contact.

The Special Features menu contains Behind the Scenes, Slide Show, Gallery, and Trailers for upcoming movies.

The Movie

One neat thing about this is that it gave you a “Previously on The Masseuse”. A couple minutes of what has happened in the previous 2 movies so that you are not completely lost. In a nut shell, guy (James Deen) opens massage business where he ends up sleeping with his clients, gets friends to help because he cant handle it all.

The movie starts with Kayden Cross getting into some Camouflage gear and pulling out a toy gun and sneaking around her house. Scott Nails comes to the door for her massage and she gives him the third degree. She tells him to get undressed, and they quickly get to business on the couch. This is a very typical vanilla scene – oral, vaginal in various positions, ends with a facial.

With no transition we are straight into the next scene where Toni Ribas and Yurizan Beltran are in bed and getting down and dirty. Another predictable scene with oral and various vaginal sex. Right before she makes him blow his load on his belly, they show a girl (Samantha Ryan) at the bedroom door rolling her eyes. They finish and the girl mutters, Toni tells her they are allowed to “fuck” other people and he walks away with his girl.

Samantha is mad and her masseuse, James Deen, arrives just in the nick of time. Before they get to her massage, she asks him to play pool and then talks to him a bit about her problems with her now ex boyfriend. He starts to massage her hands (OH MASSAGE!) and they start to kiss and they get busy (no massage). More rinse a repeat, this time with a lot of spit and he blows his load on her.

Next we are in Doctor Mick Blue’s office where his wife, Francesca Le is showing him her skimpy bathing suit for a BBQ they are to attend. He tells her she should cover up more, she tells him she wants him right now and she tells Kayden, his patient in the waiting room, that the doctor is running about 15 minutes late. The 2 go at it in the strangest shrinks office I have ever seen. This scene once again has the same oral, various vaginal sex and ends with a facial.

Kayden finally gets to see Dr Mick and he is concerned with her after reading her daily journal. He tells her he will be showing up at her house to check on her. When he does, Kayden is in realtor mode, showing her house to her boyfriend. She invites the doctor to join the tour. Just as they are about to begin, James Deen shows up. They all tell Kayden to take the massage, Mick tells the boyfriend to leave for a bit and he will keep an eye on things. This is where the only massage scene of the movie takes place.

The massage is over and James is leaving. Mick wakes Kayden by gently rubbing her leg. She thinks he is the grocery delivery guy and wants to have her way with him. This final scene is just like the rest with oral, various vaginal sex and Mick blows in her mouth.
Experience
Personal Comments:

One thing I can say about this movie was that the picture and sound quality were amazing. Everything was so crisp and clean.

Unfortunately, a clean picture does not make up for a boring movie. This has serious potential but just lacks. All the sex scenes are the exact same. And for a movie titled The Masseuse, I thought for sure it would be full of sensual massage. In reality, there was just one scene that was and it was not a sex scene.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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Comments
  • ToyTimeTim
    ToyTimeTim  
    Ya know, if that one massage scene had some sex it may have mad the whole movie a little better. Well ok, not much but still.
  • married with children
    married with children  
    good review, thanks for sharing. Most have the reviews have not been too high for this movie. I think I will pass on watching it.
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