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Where was the Masseuse?

The title does not really reflect what happened in the movie! I feel like I was left out of some joke. This movie was not what I was expecting, and all around a disappointment. There was little to no massaging, and some of the scenes didn't make sense (psych doctor's office looks like a medical doctor's office). The scenes were too long, and the sex was too boring.
Published:
Pros:
Blu-Ray, Good picture.
Cons:
Sound issues, Bad acting, Did nothing for me at all.
Rating by reviewer:
2
useful review
Maybe it’s just me, but I was expecting more from this movie. I don’t have many porn movies in my house, but I have watched them. Generally, there is a story line. Usually, there is a reason for the sex. But here, in this movie, it just didn’t seem like that was the case. Now, maybe it was because I did not see the first two movies. Maybe the story line and plot was there? All I know is that while it shows a “previously on...” look at the previous movies, it doesn’t carry into this one, at all.

This DVD is made by Digital Playground, and is 2.5 hours long. It comes in a Blu-Ray/DVD combo pack. Kayden Cross headlines this act, but cannot act very well herself. I have not seen other movies by her, but I have heard her name plenty. I thought higher than what she performed.

One thing I liked the most was the man giving oral to the Kayden in the first scene. That was hot. The doggy was also sexy (although you can tell where it was looped to look like they did it for much longer than they did. Recycling images is not good!). But I swear I hate it when someone is going to give a blow job and is over enthused to do it. She gave him a blow job that I laughed at. There is a difference between trying, and trying way too hard, she crossed that line by a mile. It’s just not my style. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am all for a good blow job scene, but this just wasn’t it.

The picture was nice. I didn’t realize porn was in High Def, but hey, why not? Everything else is! Clear picture, no fuzzy lines, and was great to look at. However, it also showed every blemish that the body has, and it shows every mistake that the makeup artist made, or everything they didn’t catch to fix with Photoshop. I get that mistakes would be made, but not with back acne that looks freshly squeezed.
There were sound issues. I expected way better (I’m sure you can catch that tone by now). There were times where Kayden was saying something, but I could barely hear it, even with it turned all the way up! It should not take effort to watch a movie-– especially a porno!

Another downer: the sex was too predictable, too vanilla. There was no kink at all. Nothing! No girl on girl, no threesomes (which I actually expected!), nothing that was out of the ordinary. It was your run of the mill sex scene. It was like no one cared. I guess it’s true-– sequels are never as good as the first, and a third is usually pushing it. It seemed as if all involved with this movie just did it for the hell of it, or maybe the money. I don’t know, but it was not what I expected. At all.

While I would love to go on and give you a play-by-play for every scene, I cannot. I chose to stop watching after I fast forwarded to preview some of the other scenes and saw they were just as bad. Acting got worse, and the sex was still very plain. I may watch it another day, I may do a follow up review and make notes on it. But I just could not force myself to watch the rest of it. I just couldn’t.

So finally, on to features of the DVD (as if it matters at this point-– for me, it doesn’t as I didn’t like the movie). Like I mentioned before, it is a DVD/Blu-Ray disc combo pack, with Chapter Selection, Behind the Scenes, Slide Show, Gallery, and Trailers.
Experience
I my experience, the sex scenes are too long-- especially for the fact that they were pretty boring, doing the same old sex routine as people at home probably would. It's not kinky, it's very vanilla. There is no rhyme or reason (as far as I can tell, having not seen the first two) for these people to have sex with each other. If I wanted to watch regular sex, I would not have gotten this movie. There are little to no variations in the positions, and the people are just sweaty, tired and beat down looking in most of the movie.

I give it two stars because I am sure there is something worse, and I want to save the one star for the really bad.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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This review was edited by
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