Get a grip - prostate massager by Evolved Novelties - review by Rub My Ducky

Simply put, I'd call this a joystick for your prostate. A joystick for your heart, if your heart is nuzzled up next to your prostate, though few of us are such anatomical marvels as to enjoy such an experience. Wherever your heart, so long as your prostate is up your bum, this little guy will make for good company. The slim shaft allows for easy insertion, and the watertight design means you can enjoy it wet without worry. For safety, Evolved designed the toy with a rigid hump on the end of the insertable portion, and a wide handle that offers excellent grip, control, and raw thrusting power!

Like most p-spot massage tools, the body of the toy is constructed of strong, rigid ABS plastic. Separating it from its competitors, Evolved treats the user to a velvety-smooth matte black texture and, joy of joys, a very well-refined seam. Frequently, manufacturers can get sloppy when cleaning the sharp seam created by common manufacturing processes, but Evolved has done a truly exceptional job at ensuring the seam has been smoothed away as much as possible, and they deserve a good bit of credit for this attention to detail.

In addition to the plastic body, a rubber-like material is used for the power control button, which should add to the longevity of the piece. A similar material is also used around the edge of the detachable cap to provide for a water-tight seal. While the metal contacts in the battery compartment seem slightly thin, they're integrated very tightly into the body, so I don't expect to have any issues with them anytime soon.

The design of the toy is fantastic, and lends this review its oh-so-clever title. In all seriousness though, it operates a lot like you'd expect a p-spot joystick might. While the shaft is relatively slim, its gentle curvature and smooth ridges provide for great ease-of-use and versatility. The base, which houses two AAA batteries, doubles as a handle and perineum massager. Ridges along the base offer extra gripping surface and align your index finger with the trigger. At the end of the base is a cap providing a water-tight seal for the battery compartment, and also completes the power circuit for the motor. It's also one of this product's few potentially serious flaws.

In the name of smooth appearance and functionality, Evolved made the cap a simple snap-on, snap-off affair, with no clamps, threads, or similar locking features. The downside to this is twofold: First, the cap is a bit difficult to get off out of the box, as the thick plastic (for better or for worse) doesn't have much give to it until it's been worked over a few times. Second, the ridges, while appearing durable, are likely to give way over time, and won't be able to hold the cap as tight as necessary if that happens. As I mentioned, the battery compartment is sealed against water, but the seal itself is relatively small and thin, meaning there's very little room for error before you lose that seal.

Of course, the dreaded breach hasn't happened yet, so I can't keep in good faith and dock it a star. I would, however, mentally file this one in the splash-proof category, rather than water-proof, in consideration of its long-term durability.

A few words on performance: First off, this little guy does more than a few tricks. The seven different vibration speeds and patterns (three and four respectively) offer an excellent variety not often found at this price point. The design, as well, is a performance-enhancing attribute in itself. The joystick-like handle offers a tremendous amount of control with exacting precision to put the sensations right where you want them.

On the downside, I found the power to be a bit lacking. Without much follow-through, some of the patterns are more of a tease than a booming percussion. It feels strong enough in the hand, but the power just doesn't translate on the field. The issue, more than likely, is simply the fact that the vibrations from the motor pulse with almost perfect uniformity throughout the entire toy. While this offers the opportunity for additional stimulation of the perineum, I feel as though a lot of the power is wasted by this design.

Like all plastics, this toy is a breeze to care for. The non-porous surface works well with simple hot water and soap baths, but is also easy to wipe with alcohol or another body-safe, antibacterial solution of your choice. It dries quickly and easily, and brushes off dust, fuzz, and other storage-related nasties without much fuss. It's worth noting, like most electronic toys, that you're not going to want to be boiling this guy for sanitation. He'll join you in the shower, but a steamy hot bath might just do him in.