Billy - prostate massager by LELO - review by Shadowfall

Billy is one of Lelo's admittedly slim selection of male-oriented toys. Now, aside from the questionable choice of having a male insertable given a male name, Billy really is an impressive little toy. With five speed settings, five vibration patterns, and a nice velvety silicone portion, this little guy offers more than what the small package would suggest.

Despite the price tag, I wish I had started here when I first bought an anal toy, as Billy's small diameter makes him a very friendly starting point for those who are just starting to explore the Undiscovered Country.

Billy is made from the same silicone that other Lelo toys are made from. That makes him have a velvet-like texture (only much, much more subdued than velvet). The base is made out of hard plastic. Unfortunately, the silicone and the plastic do not separate, so boiling or bleach are not an option for sterilization. That leaves us with either Cavi-Cide wipes or the good ole fashion "use a condom" technique if you intend on sharing the device with a partner. Which, honestly, I would recommend anyway - let's face it: there are unpleasant smells associated with anal play that can be rather difficult to rid from anal toys. With this precaution, Billy retains a vague silicone scent that isn't unpleasant, but isn't really enticing, either. But, again, considering the intended use scent probably isn't high on the list of concerns.

Like most of the Lelo line-up, Billy is washable but not waterproof. No playing in the deep end while playing in your deep end.

Billy exemplifies Lelo's simplicity in design, which can be a pain in the ass at first (not literally, unless you don't use good lube). It's a rather simple shape - a short banana-esque form with a small ridge in the middle.

That ridge actually worried me at first - growing up with a trauma/ICU nurse sister, I've heard all the stories of guys "accidentally falling on [their] girlfriend's dildo" (and the one guy my sister actually respected who admitted, "No, it's my vibe - I really enjoy the sensation"). So when I looked at that tiny ridge, I thought I might end up being another one of those ER/ED stories. In reality, given Billy's compact size, the ridge is actually larger than it appears, and is more than adequate to keep Billy from getting lost in all but the most vigorous of sessions.

In terms of control, there are four buttons, which when combined make a fifth, "Lock" button. This prevents accidental activation when traveling. However, if you don't read the manual (when did sex toys start requiring manuals?!), it can cause some confusing moments when you think you're turning the device on/off only to find that you can't turn it on again. The + key turns Billy on when unlocked, the - key turns Billy off, and the arrows change vibe patterns. Pretty easy once you get the hang of it.

In terms of appearance... let's put it this way. I have a self-forged diploma from a fake university hanging on my cubicle wall - Doctorate of Blarnaic Sciences (D.BS.) and even *I* wouldn't be able to pass this off as modern art. Face it - you're going to have to store it if you don't want it discovered. Fortunately, it comes with a white satin bag that makes it a bit less conspicuous...I think?

First off, allow me to say how grateful I am to Lelo for not only making rechargeable toys, but rechargeable toys that charge in a reasonable amount of time. Zero to full in under four hours, which gives you over an hour of playtime.

As for satisfaction...Okay - full disclosure time again. I have not yet had what I would call a successful session with this toy. And I know what you're probably thinking - for someone who is notoriously hard in reviews, why am I being so gentle on Billy when he hasn't done his job yet? And here's why - I *know* in this case that the problem is with me, and not with Billy. Exploring foreign territory blind is not easy, and Billy has been very patient and forgiving in this aspect compared to my first anal toy. I'm not quite sure what the equivalent of a PEBKAC error is with a prostate massager, but suffice to say, I'm having that error.

But, like I said - he's definitely getting there. Or, rather, I'm learning how to get closer. Unfortunately, the proof of this is in the blue balls...

Also, as a result of owning Billy, I've decided it's no longer fair to refer to dumb people with the analogy, "couldn't find their arse with a map and a torch." Because, well, me.

First step, use a condom. Old trick, I know, but some might have forgotten it. *coughNotmecough*. This significantly reduces maintenance and cleaning and allows you to use some silicone based lubricants. Please don't try silicone based lubricants on the toy by itself.

Aside from the condom trick, after play wash in warm water with your toy cleaner of choice, dry, and put in your choice of storage - the satin bag or the original box or wherever you stash your adult toys.

If they aren't already known for it, Lelo should be known for their product packaging. Inside the minimalist outer box is a harder, higher quality box. And in that box is the device. Recycle the outer box and you can easily use the inner box with the included satin bag to store Billy, as well as a few other toys if so desired. It's not solid wood - just sturdy cardboard - but still, it's better than nothing and is actually fairly attractive.

Again, I haven't obtained "lift off" from Billy yet, but that's due to my own inexperience and not the fault of the designers or the toy itself. Unlike my previous anal toy, I actually kind of look forward to working with Billy, even if it doesn't result in "success" - it's not an unpleasant toy, and is rather relaxing in an odd way.