Beaded probe - anal probe by Cal Exotics - review by Kkay

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Not worth the packaging it came in

If discomfort and pain is your idea of a fun time when it comes to anal play, grab this toy up! Otherwise, avoid at all costs.
Published:
Pros:
None.
Cons:
Horrible design
Clings to scents
Actually painful to use
Rating by reviewer:
1
extremely useful review

Use

This beaded probe looks nice on the surface, but after trying it, I can't honestly recommend it to anyone. The first three beads can be inserted without the negatives of the later beads, so it might work for someone looking for a small amount of girth and a tapered tip on a firm toy. If you're looking for that, though, there are so many better options out there.

Material / Texture

This probe is made out of TPE, which apparently means that it has the exact same texture as those bouncy balls you get out of machines when you're a kid. It's firm and rigid with very little give. It does have a distinct chemical scent straight out of the box that made me consider putting it right back in.

I found that as much as the original scent wouldn't leave, new scents would cling to it. So now it smells like anal sex and like chemicals. Delightful.

You can bend the toy from side to side, and it tends to hold some of the curve when you do so.

If you are sharing this, use condoms. You can't boil it to sterilize. For me, I found that getting a condom over it was a task, and that getting it in with a condom on was difficult.

There are flaws on the toy I received from the molding process, including a rough patch on the handle.
    • Bumpy
    • Somewhat porous
    • Strong odor

Design / Shape / Size

There's little that I like about this probe, but design is where it completely fails.

There are two things about this toy that I kind of like. The heart-shaped finger ring fits decently, and the taper to the tip of the first ball makes it smooth and easy to insert.

After that, though, it's all downhill.

The major problem with this toy is the feature that makes it different from other probes out there: the ball-hugging bend of TPE along the side (which I'll refer to as the holder from here on out). It makes the toy rigid and easier to insert, yes. It also makes it painful.

For me, the first three balls went in without issue. It was ball #4 that posed a problem, and not because of width.

If you look at the holder, you can see that it grows thicker and has a larger profile as you move down the beads. It's also not designed with the body in mind. It's possible to clamp down on the space between balls #4 and #5, but the rigidity of the material combined with the poor design means that all you'll get from there is active discomfort and pain.

Ball #5 I couldn't insert at all. Again, this has less to do with diameter and more with design. If you look at the handle of the toy, you can see that the holder and the handle meld where the sphincter should be closing around that final ball. What this means in practice is that there's nowhere for the ball to sit inside you.

Performance

Of the toys that I've gotten so far, this is the first one that I have actually thrown in the trash.

There is nothing redeemable about it. Absolutely nothing. It reeks. The design is so flawed that trying to use it results in discomfort at best and active pain at worst. It offers more frustration than pleasure. I can't see using this for the intended anal use, and when I used it vaginally, it felt like a washing board rubbed against the inside of my vagina.

For me, the bottom of my trashcan is the only place in my house where this 'toy' is welcome.

Care and Maintenance

The Edenfantasys material page says that you can use silicone and water based lubricants with this material, but the package suggests water-based. You cannot boil it to sterilize, so be careful with condoms if you're sharing this toy. You can clean it with soap and water.

I found that cleanup is another area in which this toy has more pain to offer than pleasure. The tiny crevices between the holder and the balls are near-impossible to get completely clean, and the material clings to any scent that comes in contact with it.
    • Hard to clean
    • High maintenance

Packaging

It came in a basic clamshell, unsecured, with the usual California Exotics disclaimer that it was sold as a novelty only and not intended for external use. In this case, I'd believe them.
    • Not discreet

Personal comments

I honestly hate this toy, which is surprising for me. I can usually find at least some way I can use a toy that I don't like so that it doesn't feel like a complete waste. Not so with this one.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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This review was edited by
  • Brandi Rouxxx Brandi Rouxxx
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  • Edited reviews: 211
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Comments
  • badk1tty
    badk1tty  
    It says something about a toy when it's not even worth keeping in that "maybe one day I'll feel like using this POS again.." box, and skipping straight to the bin.
  • ToyGurl
    ToyGurl  
    GREAT review. I can already tell the design is awful and I would never try and use this... it looks painful.
  • Jimbo Jones
    Jimbo Jones  
    Although I agree it looks painful, I think the look is pretty cool from an artistic standpoint. Just not something I would want to stick inside my body. Thanks for the terrific review.
  • ToyingCouple
    ToyingCouple  
    I agree with Jimbo, it's artistic but it seems that's all. Thanks for your honest review.
  • Miss Nessa
    Miss Nessa  
    Thanks for the review.
  • Kkay
    Kkay  
    The look of it was what drew me in enough to try it, but after using it I couldn't even appreciate that.
  • potstickers
    potstickers  
    Thanks for being honest. I hope EF doesn't even bother stocking this.
  • Kkay
    Kkay  
    Same here. The experience was negative enough that if this had been my first introduction to anal play with a toy, I would've given up on it entirely.
  • Kindred
    Kindred  
    That's too bad, I really thought the design looked cool. Thanks for the review.
  • P'Gell
    P'Gell  
    Thank you for the review. I'm sorry it was such a painful experience. I can see where the holder for the beads could be uncomfortable.

    How long is it and about how big is each bead? Is there space between the holder (that is the only thing I can think to call it) and the beads?

    Thank you for taking one for the Team.
  • JessCee
    JessCee  
    oh man, I thought this looked really neat. Thanks for the heads up!
  • Kkay
    Kkay  
    P'Gell- 7 1/2 inches long, with 5 1/2 insertable. It lists a diameter of 2 inches, which is the biggest of the beads. The first bead I could best compare to one of those pencil-eraser caps.

    The holder is molded in with the beads, but there are crevices (not openings- just dips) between the beads and the holder that makes cleaning very irritating.
  • Ivy Wilde
    Ivy Wilde  
    Thanks for the review. Sorry it was such a horrible experience for you.
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