Icicles No.16 - vibrator by Pipedream - review by Trashley

Whenever I start to write one of these reviews, I always want to add "NSFW," because I know I'm going to swear. Then I realize, if you're on a sex toy website at work, the least of your worries should be a few "fucks" sprinkled in there. ANYWAY, onto my main course for tonight. FUCK! I wanted to love this thing so badly. It was my first glass toy, and should've been my prized possession. Instead, it ended up a lot like my first girlfriend in high school. Pretty to look at, and sexy as hell in theory, but fuck-all in bed. It sucks for getting off. Let me give you that. I've consistently been the most generous reviewer on nearly every item I've reviewed, so when I say it sucks, it probably REALLY sucks. I'll go into the logistics in a sec, but unless your clitoris is where your urethra should be, it probably won't work for you in the way every girl who loves their rabbits want it to work. I'm not a very spread-out person, to be gentle on the visuals for you guys (sorry about that -- think of unicorns shitting puppies instead!), not at all, in fact. Most rabbits that are too compact for people usually work really perfectly for me, which is why I was surprised beyond belief that I couldn't get this one to work. It also has a lot to do with rabbits inherently being dependent on an individual's anatomy and the fact that GLASS DOES NOT BEND. No shit! That's why they don't MAKE glass vibrators. Everyone's different, and maleable material allows people who need the length to stretch and flatten the vibe or people who are smaller (like me) to bend and find the perfect spot. That's not to say, however, that this toy is completely worthless. It's a good dildo in and of itself. I've never really played with temperature before, and, well, I do now! It's been a good ride, guys. :] The vibes aren't that great either (I'll elaborate in a bit), so I think this would work best as just a plain dildo or for some starting/teasing material. It's fun for anal play, and vaginal/G-spot play. Remember, though, kidlins, that if you switch holes or play with buddies, put a rubber on that glassy dick-shaped object!

It's not very travel-friendly, as it's pretty obvious that it's a big fat glass vibrator, and the loud buzzing in case it gets turned on will definitely give you away as that weird lady with the vibrator at the airport. Then you get molested by the TSA and ridiculed as a terrorist. Fun times for all.

Glass!!! GLASS! GLASSSSSS! Can I say it enough? I clearly cannot. And I can't stop looking at it, either! Jesus, it's gorgeous. And the price? Can you say STEAL? Anyway, glass is amazing. As I said before, it's my first piece, and I'm really glad I tried it. I like the general realistic feeling of more maleable materials, but I'll definitely keep this guy around when I'm in the mood.

The head is super bulbous, and since glass has no give, it's really great to feel that first "pop!" when you insert it. It's a lovely smooth surface to rub all over your body, actually. It's just pure pleasure, whether cool, warm, or body temperature. The ribbing on this is also fairly noticeable, much more so than it's TPR or silicone counterparts.

I would say, as with all glass toys, that they're more for advanced users. It's so unlike a regular cock that it might be a little.. strange to beginners. It also has that wonderful no-give quality, which may overwhelm some newer to the adult toy world.

It's non-porous, which is really great. You don't have to worry about all that bacteria getting in there or shoving this in a crowded linty drawer (although I don't recommend it). Obviously, there's no odor, which is a nice surprise for me. I'm used to that glorious new-tire smell on all my toys. It's like fucking my Mercedes. But no worries, I love my Mercedes.

What are those stabby knives right below my clit? OH RIGHT. I'm using my Icicles No. 16. Oh dear god, what a mess this potentially game-changing toy was. Let's get right to it.

The piece is 8.5 inches total, handle included. Let me digress right here and say that the handle is really thoughtful. Great for solo, partner, or anal play. A+ on that. Foreword thinking, Einstein!

Insertable length is 4 inches. Circumference of the basic shaft where the pink swirlies are is 3 inches, but the head maxes out at about 4.25. I'm not going to describe the whole thing to you as I usually do, as there's literally over 9000 pictures of it. The cord is only about 22" long, but I had no problem using it without stretching or trying to manipulate it.

I noticed another reviewer mentioned that the head tilts to the left, and by jove, so it does. Now this is going to bother me. OCD buyers like me out there, beware!! It doesn't make much of a difference during play, however, so don't let that deter you.

The vibrator.. oh dear. The tip of the vibrator sits about half an inch away from the shaft, essentially pointing at your vaginal opening. With a glass vibrator that doesn't carry vibrations, this isn't exactly top notch placement. The ears of the "rabbit," or shall I say annoying stabs of orgasm-death manage to kill any excitement I can glean from this toy before I even get there. They're so close... but so very, very far. HOWEVER, they're not that noticeable if you're not trying to grind down and find something resembling a vibration, so use as a dildo is much more pleasant.

The actual clitoral attachment extends about an inch from the shaft. The ears sit about an inch away from the shaft as well. If you added a finger to connect the ears to the shaft on the other side, it'd make a nice equilateral triangle.

Just because together the glass rabbit and the plastic vibrator suck, doesn't mean they suck apart from one another! The rabbit's a great dildo and the vibrator is great little worker. Very aggressive and buzzy, but once you press it into your skin, the vibes travel for days. It is a noisy little sucker, though. Very awkwardly and tinny-sounding noise, too, so the kids won't be fooled this time. Inside the rabbit, it's 95% louder and 95% less effective, even though it sits pretty without any semblance of a wobble. The vibrations just don't travel like you'd expect. The glass hampers all joy, and it can't even reach your lovely lady parts! Boo!

There's lots of variety in the patterns, though.
1. Low
2. Medium (My fingers go numb here)
3. High
4. Medium-Medium-Medium
5. High-High-High-High-HIIIIIIIIGH
6. Low-Medium-High-Medium-Low (Spans about 7 seconds total)
7. Lowest-Lowest-Lower-Lower-Low-Low-Medium-Medium-High-High-Highest-Highest-Lowest-Lowest, etc.
8. MEDIUMMMM(X5)-Medium(X20)
9. MEDIUMMMM-High(X20)
10. HIGHHHHHHHHHH-High(X20)

So you've got a lot of variety there. The X20's may not be exact. They often went too fast to count exactly. There's also a light on the top of the controller and one embedded in the bottom of the actual vibe that lights to the tune of your desired pattern, so it's like a mini-rave at your pussy! Come on everyone, free drinks! :D

There is a separate ON/OFF switch, which is really nice. It's always shitty to have to cycle through all the functions to get your vibe to turn off, especially at that inopportune time when your flatmates get home with their parents. It won't remember your setting, though, so you'll have to cycle back through to find your favourite. Shitty, yes, but expected at this SPECTACULARLY low price? Also yes. I haven't had it long enough to check the battery life, but I'll let you know when I update.

God, guys, it's glass. How much easier can you get to clean? Soap and water, people. All it takes. The bullet in the rabbit is waterproof on the outside, as well, but I suggest straying away from the wire because the wire and battery pack is not so waterproof. This is also one of the toys where, after you remove the plastic vibe, you can actually throw it in the dishwasher to clean it if you're lazy and don't mind dildos next to your china.

It's also pyrex glass, which is nice because it doesn't shatter when you drop it. Instead you'll get a bunch of chunks.. so it's safer in the sense that methanol poisoning can be treated with ethanol. There's still dangerous shards there, but at least you can control it better. Or here's a better analogy -- an I.E.D. is safer than an atomic bomb. There you go.

You can put this baby in a Crown Royale bag, or whatever other toy bag you might have. I tend not to worry about this one, as it's not a lint magnet or porous.