Under the Hood
Published: September 24, 2008
useful review
Bottom Line: If you’ve been thinking about getting a leather bondage hood for you and the slave of your dreams, then this is the leather bondage hood for you. (And probably for the slave of your dreams, too.)
Pros:
It’s a leather bondage hood. It has zippers. It's pretty sweet.
Cons:
It’s a leather bondage hood. It has zippers. That might freak some people out.
So I’ve always wanted a leather bondage hood. Not for any particularly sexual reason – well, not directly, anyway.
You see, it all comes back to the Fett-ish. The Boba Fetish, that is. I’m a Star Wars kid. And if there’s one thing I’ve wanted since 1980, it’s a Boba Fett helmet.
Well, and maybe a working Carbon-Freezing Chamber. And maybe Dita Von Teese, while I’m at it. And steak. Lots and lots of steak.
But the Boba Fett helmet has always been first in my heart. And no one’s ever bought one for me. So I had to settle for the next best thing. A zipper-holed leather bondage hood.
I’m still not sure why I asked for it. I mean, it’s totally cool and what not. It was just one of those amorphous fascinations, the kind that have no root in either fantasy or reality. You know, like eating bugs. You’re sort of curious – but only in the most abstract sense. I guess what it comes down to is that fantasy is the mother of non-sequiturism. And I’m a big fan of random what-the-fuckness as a necessary if not nutritive part of my daily diet of fuck.
Which leads to the next ennui-laden question: how does one go about reviewing a leather bondage hood? By telling you how many people I 'bondaged' with it? Nah. I could tell you about how much I’d like to have it custom-painted to look like Boba Fett’s helmet. But that’s probably better reserved for my most private moments, right?
So let’s just break this bondage accoutrement down into its requisite qualifiers. After all, if you’re in the market for a leather bondage hood, all you really need to know are the essentials, which I shall now provide, with a heaping helping of non-essentials:
COMFORT. It’s snug. Not quite as snug as a starfish clinging to the face of a cartoon character, but once laced-up, there’s not a whole lot of nose-wiggle room in it. Although, considering that this is a BONDAGE hood, I’m thinking that’s probably a good thing, right? That said, it’s not so snug that you’d require head-lube. Oh – and beard-wearers, please take great caution when it comes to the zippers.
QUALITY OF BREATHING. If you’re reasonably healthy, you shouldn’t have any problems. However, it’s probably not for everybody, including:
- the severely claustrophobic
- the asthmatic
- those poised at the starting line of the Boston marathon
- also, do not wear during allergy season if you are an allergy-sufferer with no Claritin and no health insurance. Because EdenFantasys will not take back any snotted-up hoods.
DURABILITY. It seems to be fairly sturdy. Through the course of testing, it has thus far stood up admirably to the following activities:
- groveling
- kneeling
- begging
- coitus
- ass-coitus
- omelet-making
ADJUSTABILITY. It’s quite amenable to most sizes of skull. Unless of course you’re the Elephant Man, it should fit just fine. The back of the hood is lace-up, and as long as your partner isn’t looking to squeeze your head like a grape, you should be a happy slave. Unless of course that’s your fetish.
APPEARANCE. Depending on the severity of your kink, the sight of your beloved/bethralled/bewhipped whilst under the spell of the hood will be:
- a lot like Lizard-Man from Flash Gordon
- reminiscent of Dario Argento’s Faceless
- leathery, kind of like someone who’s spent too many years on the beach
SEXAYNESS. Well, this is the make-or-break category. So let’s break it down:
You will find it Sexay:
- if you are deeply fascinated with all things leather
- if you have a really ugly slave
- you ARE a really ugly slave
- you have or are a really ugly slave in the witness relocation program
- you've recently "gone on safari" and come back with a few new scars
- you don't want your ex to recognize you when you run into the Quickemart for a quart of milk and some condoms
- if you want to look sharp for knocking over any convenience stores
- if you want to custom-paint it so it looks like Boba Fett or Klytus
- if you are trying to get a classified job at Guantanamo Bay
You will find it Not Sexay:
- if you have recurring nightmares about faceless people breaking into your home and stealing your milk and cookies
- if you are allergic to leather
- if you find zippers distasteful
- if your slave is safewording out as you read this
You see, it all comes back to the Fett-ish. The Boba Fetish, that is. I’m a Star Wars kid. And if there’s one thing I’ve wanted since 1980, it’s a Boba Fett helmet.
Well, and maybe a working Carbon-Freezing Chamber. And maybe Dita Von Teese, while I’m at it. And steak. Lots and lots of steak.
But the Boba Fett helmet has always been first in my heart. And no one’s ever bought one for me. So I had to settle for the next best thing. A zipper-holed leather bondage hood.
I’m still not sure why I asked for it. I mean, it’s totally cool and what not. It was just one of those amorphous fascinations, the kind that have no root in either fantasy or reality. You know, like eating bugs. You’re sort of curious – but only in the most abstract sense. I guess what it comes down to is that fantasy is the mother of non-sequiturism. And I’m a big fan of random what-the-fuckness as a necessary if not nutritive part of my daily diet of fuck.
Which leads to the next ennui-laden question: how does one go about reviewing a leather bondage hood? By telling you how many people I 'bondaged' with it? Nah. I could tell you about how much I’d like to have it custom-painted to look like Boba Fett’s helmet. But that’s probably better reserved for my most private moments, right?
So let’s just break this bondage accoutrement down into its requisite qualifiers. After all, if you’re in the market for a leather bondage hood, all you really need to know are the essentials, which I shall now provide, with a heaping helping of non-essentials:
COMFORT. It’s snug. Not quite as snug as a starfish clinging to the face of a cartoon character, but once laced-up, there’s not a whole lot of nose-wiggle room in it. Although, considering that this is a BONDAGE hood, I’m thinking that’s probably a good thing, right? That said, it’s not so snug that you’d require head-lube. Oh – and beard-wearers, please take great caution when it comes to the zippers.
QUALITY OF BREATHING. If you’re reasonably healthy, you shouldn’t have any problems. However, it’s probably not for everybody, including:
- the severely claustrophobic
- the asthmatic
- those poised at the starting line of the Boston marathon
- also, do not wear during allergy season if you are an allergy-sufferer with no Claritin and no health insurance. Because EdenFantasys will not take back any snotted-up hoods.
DURABILITY. It seems to be fairly sturdy. Through the course of testing, it has thus far stood up admirably to the following activities:
- groveling
- kneeling
- begging
- coitus
- ass-coitus
- omelet-making
ADJUSTABILITY. It’s quite amenable to most sizes of skull. Unless of course you’re the Elephant Man, it should fit just fine. The back of the hood is lace-up, and as long as your partner isn’t looking to squeeze your head like a grape, you should be a happy slave. Unless of course that’s your fetish.
APPEARANCE. Depending on the severity of your kink, the sight of your beloved/bethralled/bewhipped whilst under the spell of the hood will be:
- a lot like Lizard-Man from Flash Gordon
- reminiscent of Dario Argento’s Faceless
- leathery, kind of like someone who’s spent too many years on the beach
SEXAYNESS. Well, this is the make-or-break category. So let’s break it down:
You will find it Sexay:
- if you are deeply fascinated with all things leather
- if you have a really ugly slave
- you ARE a really ugly slave
- you have or are a really ugly slave in the witness relocation program
- you've recently "gone on safari" and come back with a few new scars
- you don't want your ex to recognize you when you run into the Quickemart for a quart of milk and some condoms
- if you want to look sharp for knocking over any convenience stores
- if you want to custom-paint it so it looks like Boba Fett or Klytus
- if you are trying to get a classified job at Guantanamo Bay
You will find it Not Sexay:
- if you have recurring nightmares about faceless people breaking into your home and stealing your milk and cookies
- if you are allergic to leather
- if you find zippers distasteful
- if your slave is safewording out as you read this
This content is the opinion of the submitting contributor and is not endorsed by EdenFantasys.com
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*Laughing* Making omelets? Right. Somehow, I just wonder about that. So did that scene have you as a slave or was it just kinda random to see how it worked?
Can you follow up with a bit of detail with who actually wore it and how much hair they have? How far does the zipper go. I have pretty long blond hair, and I know a lot of friends with even thicker hair than mine. Thanks!
Lovely and humorous review!
Hahahaha. Those zippers seem a little dangerous, esp. the eye socket ones. I like breaking skin, but even I do not want to puncture someone's eyeball. At least, not in that way.
"- you have or are a really ugly slave in the witness relocation program" LMAO! It certainly is menacing...
Everytime I flip back to this I'm wondering about the reaction someone would get if they were driving with it. Tell you what... I'll wear my white wide slave collar in the passenger seat while you drive wearing the mask, and we'll see just how long it takes before the cops show up!
Fabulous! I'm going to cross-post at Toys for Tarts blog, linking back to Eden Fantasys and this review!
Devil - you'll definitely want to tie your hair back beforehand, and make sure that whomever is lacing you up is being careful with it. But, depending on how tight you want it/someone else wants it for you, long hair can easily be threaded through without any problems. As far as cops go...my cohorts and I took turns parading around the apartment complex in it, and nobody seemed to mind. Then again, my place of residence is sort of what Obi-Wan had in mind when he spoke of that 'wretched hive of scum and villainy'.
Dreamer - Well, yeah; it's kinda menacing. But only in that 'hey, look - it's the Gimp! Let's give him cookies!' sort of way. Remember, Halloween is fast approaching - and you don't want to be caught without proper and offensive attire.
Cock Wrangler - zippers facial hair = ow. BTW, it makes my fingertips tingle to finally be able to type 'Cock Wrangler'.
Alessia - Kewl. Spread the love. Or a reasonably well-masked facsimile.
"... you have or are a really ugly slave in the witness relocation program" After reading this part I peed my pants. No kidding.
Um this is pretty much the best review ever. And I don't even want a hood.
I saw a hell of a lot of hoods today. I didn't see any with zippered eyes though. Muzzles and zip mouths. Even ears...
Great review! Let me know how the repainting goes--I've always wanted M to dress up as a bounty hunter and, erm, . . . . yeah. Let us just say that I have a fantasy relevant to your repainting project.
This review was thoroughly entertaining...LOL! Thanks for sharing!
Nice review!