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"Damn the Torpedoes." -Admiral David Glasgow Farragut

I suppose, before moving to toys with more girth, it's a great start. It's not super expensive, and the fact that it's not completely rigid makes it forgiving. However, I think the stickiness and smell will turn off most people. This bombshell is a bit of a dud.
Published:
Pros:
Girthy, Suction Cup built in
Cons:
Sticky, Smelly, Boring
Rating by reviewer:
2
extremely useful review

Use

What to say about the B7? It's big, it's black, and it really smells. That about sums it up. Unlike the rest of the toys in this line that look like large bullets, the B7 just looks like a boring old dildo... boring. I'm not really sure of the rationality behind that. It's not like Doc Johnson doesn't already have enough big ol' boring black dildos like this one. So it's not exactly a new addition to the line.

But enough about that, what's it for? Well, you can use it both vaginally and anally, because it has a nice wide flare on the bottom. It's certainly got heft and weight to it, so if you have weaker hands, that might be an issue. However, it's base has a semi-suction action (I must call bullshit on the word "semi." I got this thing stuck to my desk for awhile before I could pry it off. So if you do have hand issues, stick this big boy on the shower wall, and back up to it).

The special Sil-A-Gel PVC that they make this whole line of toys out of has two giant issues. One is that it really smells. It's a sick chemical smell that leaves a strange bitter taste in my mouth. Also, it's really sticky - there is no way you can this without lube (which, honestly, is reasonable because you should be using this big lug with lube anyway).

The head flare does provide a unique sensation, and my girlfriend loves the feel of it against her G-spot, which is nice because her G-spot is often quite difficult to hit. I've gone over those adventures in other reviews.

The flare makes it so this toy can be mounted to a harness.
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Couples
    • Everyone
    • Solo
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Campus/roommate living
    • Tub/shower/pool
  • Features
    [ ? ]
    What kind of features does this product offer?
    • Suction device
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • Anal
    • G-spot

Material / Texture

Doc Johnson says this is made of Sil-A-Gel PVC which, honestly, meant nothing to me at first, so I looked it up. Basically, that means it is antibacterial, hypoallergenic and free of phthalates. It is also latex- and cadmium-free. Cadmium is sometimes used in PVC products, and is a carcinogen, which is known by the state of California to cause cancer. All of that said, PVC still only rates a two on the Eden safety scale.

So, now that all the safety things are out of the way, what does it feel like? It's pretty rigid, but has just enough play to make things easier; which is nice, because it's seven inches in circumference. Once again, it's sticky, but lacks any real texture, which is pretty nice if you're adventurous enough to use this anally.
    • Harness compatible
    • Sticky
    • Strong odor

Design / Shape / Size

It's big. Seven inches tall, and seven inches in circumference. It has a nice single-point rounded head, and just a simple little ring like a cock head. So it's pretty much your basic standard dildo, which I think is kind of funny, with the other toys in this line looking like bullets. Like actual torpedoes are not phallic enough.
Torpedo
(Pictured: something not phallic.)

It's black, so they got that part right, but what I don't understand is why it's all sparkly. I suppose it's an interesting design, and Doc Johnson was going with that whole "Sailor Jerry" look on all the packaging, so... Well, no, that doesn't match at all either. I have no damn clue what the sparkly look was for, but it's cool, I guess. I certainly hope it's not what caused this damn thing to smell so fucking bad.
    • Partner play
    • Whimsical / artistic

Performance

Did I mention that this thing is sticky and smelly? I certainly hope I am not repeating myself on this (that's sarcasm). We have to slather this thing in lube, because the stickiness makes that necessary, and the lube helps cover the odor (but not the transfer odor on your hands. No, you just have to deal with that). This thing is great in the shower, however, because the shower helps prevent those issues, and that suction cup has plenty of power, so it works for shower applications. However, anyone with three working brain cells is going to know exactly what this is in a matter of seconds, so it's not something that you're going to want to forget is stuck to the wall in there. Or, you could hang a loofah on it. It depends on how open your house is, I guess.
The PVC is very porous, so don't really leave it in your shower like that - that was a joke. You should clean it, instantly dry it, and put it away. Also, PVC breaks down pretty quickly because it is so porous, so don't expect to have it forever.
    • Easy to use
    • Not discreet at all

Care and Maintenance

PVC can only be cleansed with warm water and antibacterial soap, or with toy cleaner. PVC cannot be sterilized. Do not put it in the dishwasher, and do not boil it. The PVC is sticky, and picks up a lot of lint, so wash it often.

The dildo's stickiness makes holding onto the completely indiscreet clamshell pretty necessary. The package shows exactly what it is, but it isn't covered in naked people, or the word dildo... yeah, you know what it is, but it's a useful thing to use until you get something better.

You can use silicone- or water-based lubes with it. Water-based Sliquid worked wonders with it.
    • Difficult to store
    • High maintenance

Packaging

It's a good thing this is called the American Bombshell series, because the packaging is about as discreet as a damn Micheal Bay movie (cue explosion). I think Doc Johnson really wants us to know that their products are made in America. As I mentioned before, they used that "Sailor Jerry" look in red, white, and blue, and it says "Made in America" no less than ten times. That's fine, I support increasing American jobs, but it's just a bit much. We get it.

The packaging clearly shows exactly what the toy is, and because it doesn't look like a bullet like the other ones, everyone knows exactly what the hell it is. If they had made it look like an actual torpedo, you could at least lie about it, but they didn't. So you have a package holding a big black, sparkly dick. So it's, you know, completely subtle (sarcasm).

It can, however, be recycled, but you likely need it to store the damn thing in, so...
    • Good for storage
    • Not discreet
    • Very informative
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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This review was edited by
  • ImaGodiva ImaGodiva
  • Rank:
     
    5.4
  • Edited reviews: 132
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Comments
  • ImaGodiva
    ImaGodiva  
    Amusing review! You should consider doing a video review.
  • KrissyNovacaine
    KrissyNovacaine  
    Great job!
  • GONE!
    GONE!  
    Wonderful review, funny and informative!
  • ghalik
    ghalik  
    Great review. This thing looks weird.
  • Cindi025
    Cindi025  
    Thanks for the review!
  • geekkink
    geekkink  
    ImaGodiva I should but I'm very not a person who should rant at a camera, also we don't have one, yet. Soon though as we need it for work.
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