Head gear cyberglass chin strap-on - chin harness by Topco Sales - review by Madeira

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Penis Beard

This is a silly item, I was aware it was a silly item when I requested it... however I didn't realize just how silly I'd feel wearing it. It's also uncomfortable for the wearer, and slightly questionably designed. However, the dildo is beautiful, and the idea is an interesting one.
Published:
Pros:
Nice dildo, novel, entertaining, secure, sturdy.
Cons:
Uncomfortable, catches in hair, silly looking, doesn't work for intended purpose.
Rating by reviewer:
3
extremely useful review

Use

When I received this in the mail, I'm not sure what I was expecting. I've seen head harnesses in BDSM images before, and I've always thought they were a bit silly. Frankly, after receiving this harness my opinion of them has not changed, this is a silly looking object... and when you put it on you will inevitably come to the realization that you are wearing a penis on your head. If you're going to use this for sex, make sure you can think "I am wearing a penis on my head" without laughing... if you or your partner cannot stop laughing at this thought, this is probably not a product for you. In other words this is not a toy for snarky people, as laughter will surely result from it.

Other than that it's a little awkward to use as an oral sex aide as suggested, getting the dildo at a comfortable angle and keeping it there while performing cunnilingus is... tricky, and I suspect a feat made trickier by the fact that my girlfriend and I were both cackling like hyenas during this interaction.

Basically, I would recommend this for couples with a high tolerance for silliness, and for vaginal penetration exclusively as getting the dildo in position for anal would be more than slightly awkward.

As an added bonus, you can arrange the straps in such a way so that the dildo is on your forehead like a unicorn horn... frankly as my chin is a little sensitive and doesn't love the pressure of the hard toy against it, I find it more comfortable to wear as a horn.

Material

The dildo is made of cyberglass, and feels very well made and pleasant. The face straps of the harness is made of pressed leather with a velvety suede interior. It's very soft, and flexible. The top of the head strap is black elastic, and quite stretchy, and the closure is velcro and seemingly sturdy, and the hardware is all silver metal. Generally the dildo is nice, and the harness is effective, but looks a bit cheap.

Design / Craftsmanship

The harness is made of a circular leather strap featuring metal hardware, adjustable velcro closure and an opening for the dong with a snap closure, and an elastic strap. The dildo, bulbous headed and straight, is clear glass with blue wrapped round it in a spiral pattern and flared base. The dildo is hard, and the elastic tends to make the dildo ride up on me, leaving me with a dildo over the mouth fairly often, as well because of the elastic the dildo can push uncomfortably against the chin, especially when the mouth is open, as with performing oral sex. Despite not being the most comfortable, it is very steady which is pleasant. The harness is not adjustable and I believe it would be difficult to find another dildo that would fit it. The velcro used for the closure tends to catch hair which is somewhat unpleasant. I also dislike the snap closure as I'm always worried I'm going to scratch the dildo when opening it, as it requires a fair bit of force to open.

The mini dildo, however is great, the material is great, the look is great, and it's nice for g-spotting. Even if I thought the head harness was sexy, I don't think I'd recommend this particular harness.
    • Multiple ways to use
    • Only works with some toys

Size / Fit

It's fairly adjustable, what with the stretchy elastic and wide band of velcro. However, those with long faces may find the elastic a bit short, as the dildo rides up on me, and I have a relatively short face. It also puts, as I mentioned, uncomfortable pressure on the chin for me. Generally, I'm not fond of wearing this for extended periods of time.
    • Adjustable

Performance

Well, the elastic makes it difficult to open one's mouth to perform oral sex, and presses the dildo uncomfortably into the wearer's chin. As well, it's difficult to position the inflexible dildo properly for performing oral sex while wearing this. When used simply for penetration, it's alright, there are certainly superior ways to put a dildo in your partner, but it's secure, and easy to thrust with, however the hard base of the toy is pressed into the wearers chin, and if used with enthusiasm can result in bruising. I'd personally have used a softer toy for this purpose. The harness holds the toy quite securely, actually a little too securely as the little snap is nearly impossible to open, and the harness is easy to get on, but the velcro closure tends to catch in the wearer's hair making it a pain to remove.

Experience

Now, I'm into humiliation, but I'm not into sex that involves constant laughter (occasional laughter is fine, sex makes weird noises, people fall off the bed, shit happens) and quite frankly my girlfriend and I have trouble taking serious things seriously... and this was simply too silly to be sexy for this.
Follow-up commentary
This toy has not grown on me. It's still a ridiculous looking, uncomfortable harness... in fact I've grown less enamored of it. After looking more slowly at other chin harnesses, it's clear than this one is one of the least comfortable and least well designed... although they're all silly looking, this one is definitely a failure in practicality as well as in appearance.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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Comments
  • Selective Sensualist
    Selective Sensualist  
    Great review! I've always thought chin-strap dildos look funny, too, and have struggled to understand how they could possibly be effective, since penetrating with the dildo while performing oral sounds a bit tricky. What cracks me up the most is imagining thrusting with it . . . especially while being worn as a unicorn horn on the forehead! I am obviously too easily amused . . .
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