Squirmy rooter - dildo sex toy by Doc Johnson - review by ajlq

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If the Squirmy Rooter hogged the remote and fixed stuff, it could almost replace men.

Its shape and movement deliver incredible orgasms. It's a bit awkward to use and it's exceptionally large but it's so inexpensive, it's totally worth taking a chance... an exceptional dildo.
Published:
Pros:
Like driving a Dodge into your pussy... but feels so good, it may loosen you up enough to take it.
Cons:
It's difficult to crank, so if you like your hands freed up, it might be better as a 2-person sport.
Rating by reviewer:
5
useful review
Dear Squirmy Rooter,

I apologize for putting you in that hot bath when I first took you out of the package. You smelled like hot plastic candy and though the smell was sweet and delicious, it was too strong. I’m sure you don’t like condoms so I apologize for then wrapping you in one but it was pretty clear that my pussy smelling like plastic candy - though perhaps appealing - would probably not be good for it. And I try to keep my pussy happy, which is why I picked you out of the catalog in the first place.

When I turned your crank and watched the way you wriggled, I’d wished I’d worn panties… THIGH CLEANUP ON AISLE FIVE, PLEASE! You’re a sexy number even though you’re the size of a pony. I hope you enjoyed that severe hand job; I didn’t have any Magnums and I was trying to get the condom to cover you. Clearly, that was not to be; I apologize if I insulted your girth and length by even attempting. It was amazing that you could get in there and knock on my spleen, and still have so much undevoured length hanging out of my pussy.

WOW. The way it feels when I turn your thick wire crank and your curve slides against my walls… you make me cook up a pussy stew. I can’t remember when I’ve had such orgasms, dizzy afterwards and all… you’re truly a Cock in a Million. Then I pulled you out and my juices sloshed out… that bit of carpet is going to need some steam cleaning, of course. It’s a good thing we’re staying in because after all the noise I made, I’d be a little embarrassed to face the neighbors… YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT, I WAS IN THERE ALONE, WHAT’S IT TO YOU? You WISH you had a Squirmy Rooter but there you are, thinking your vibrator’s cool shit. Go old school man, get yourself a hand crank. Oh, and a steam cleaner.

Seriously, wow. Can I buy you a drink or something? I don’t even know how to repay you for that orgasm… I guess you’d look good with a tennis bracelet, but you’re a cock, that would seem a little emasculating. I’m a little gutted but I’ll get over it, whatever organs were in your way, they’ll grow back or whatever, maybe my spleen WANTED to be pushed up to my armpit. For now I’ll just stick you back in me and… ooooohhhhh.

--With love from your new hole.
Follow-up commentary
I still think this toy is absolutely fabulous and on my list of "deserted island must-haves" (and hey, who's gonna' have batteries on a deserted island?) but after nine months, it still smells like a cross between bubble gum and shower curtains...pleasant, but completely overpowering. After giving up on tricks to take away the smell, I keep it stored in a Ziploc (a massive one...big toy!). So I still say buy it because it's worth it...just get yourself a box of Ziplocs at the same time!
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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Comments
  • Sexalicious K
    Sexalicious K  
    LOL! Your review is too funny. I love your style and keep up the good work! BTW - I'm not buying one of these however, I will keep coming back for your reviews! Big smile
  • ~LaUr3n~
    ~LaUr3n~  
    Sorry, but I really didn't like this review or the phrases you used.
  • ajlq
    ajlq  
    Like toys, no one will please all! I am just sharing my experiences I have had with the toy; it might be better to share positive input with those writers you feel merit it and not leave insults for those you do not. There are many different writers with many different styles; as evidenced above, some readers might enjoy it while others might not but there is no reason to degrade the forums with slams on other writers just because they do not share your style or your opinion as to how reviews should be written. If we all had the same style, yours would not be unique!
  • 69kitten
    Very funny, nice review, helpful and etnertaining!
  • ToyingCouple
    ToyingCouple  
    Awesome original review! Thanks for putting a different spin on EF!!
  • NorthernCouple
    NorthernCouple  
    Haha! Love the review! Can you describe the motion though? I'm trying to picture how exactly this dildo moves, but just can't grasp it. Thanks.
  • ajlq
    ajlq  
    I think the unusual movement is most of what makes this toy phenonemal. The rod/handle goes through the toy and is an intentionally uneven shape, with a curve toward the toy's edge. The makes the head kind of "sweep" inside of you. Picture if it was spiral shaped, how it would move when cranked, with the head burrowing forward...this is a dramatically flattened spiral but that same type of motion. "Squirmy Rooter" is a very accurate visual of how it moves.
  • Pandahb
    Pandahb  
    I loved reading it. Your thinking was so creative! I was thinking that the toy replaying back to you would make a funny response as well. Keep thinking outside of the box, no matter who tries to push you back in! Flower
  • Shanna Germain
    Shanna Germain  
    This made me giggle a lot! Love reviews that make me laugh AND teach me something! Thank you!
  • Morganna
    Morganna  
    Awesome review
  • darkkitty
    darkkitty  
    Thank you!
  • Kdlips
    Kdlips  
    ..Awesome review
  • EvaChangeN
    EvaChangeN  
    review was entertaining and informative thanks!
  • kink
    kink  
    I love the style of your review. It's very entertaining.
  • Summersong
    Summersong  
    HAHAHA. Best review ever!
  • MeliPixie
    MeliPixie  
    While amusing, this review didn't have much substance. I'd like to know about facts, not read some (albeit hilarious) letter to your dildo. Thanks for making me laugh! But I'd also like to learn something about this toy from a user's point of view at the same time. Other than "It wriggles and feels so good I no longer need a man."
  • pixxie87
    pixxie87  
    Great review. Made me realize its not for me. But I soo crave it
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