Hoss

Realistic dildo by

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The Thoroughbred of Sin

Hoss is really great if you're in the market for a large toy--he looks great, feels nice, and is good for use in conjunction with other toys. Works for both partner and solo play.
Published:
Pros:
Gently contoured, 100% silicone, looks good.
Cons:
Very large toy, requires warm-up in most cases before use, hard to thrust with because of size.
Rating by reviewer:
4
extremely useful review
While waiting for Hoss to arrive, I was alternately excited and scared. Excited when I looked at pictures of it on the internet and saw how massive it looked—and scared when I took out a measuring tape, and saw exactly how massive it was. By the time Hoss actually arrived, I had reassured myself that he was going to be nothing but exciting. Until I actually picked up the package at the post office, and went bright red.

As well as being big, all that lovely sanitary silicone makes Hoss very heavy—about three pounds of heavy. While the weight is a little unexpected if you've never had a silicone dildo this large (which I haven't), it's definitely my favorite part of the toy. Hoss doesn't feel like it's going to break if I'm using it particularly vigorously (once, you know, my body gets to the stage where I can do that, if ever), and it feels more *there* than most sex toys I own. Plus, the weight makes it nice to hold—it's sitting on my lap right now like a faithful pet, and if anybody were to break into my house, I'd have something solid to defend myself with. (I'm kidding—I think.)

Hoss is beautifully textured—the ridge running down the bottom side of the shaft is more prominent than I expected it to be, as are the veins on the sides. While Hoss is too large and monochromatic to be mistaken as real, the veins definitely suggest realism, and it looks nicer than if Hoss were completely smooth. (Personally, I'd like more texture on the balls, but that's a minor nitpick.)

While the insertable part of Hoss has a matte finish on the silicone, the bottom (for some reason) is shiny. I find that the bottom picks up a little more lint this way, but I always give Hoss a rinse before I use him, so it doesn't bother me.

As for actually using it—Hoss is really intense. It's the only toy I own that I think about constantly when I'm not using it, which is funny because it's also the only toy I own that requires this much work. But after I'm all warmed up and there's lube everywhere, it's really thrilling to slowly work Hoss inside me and feel him filling me up. My only previous experience with something this big is M's fist—but M's fist has knuckles, and Hoss is nothing but smooth and gentle. (I know, it's strange to think of something that big as gentle—but as long as you go slow with lots of lube, Hoss is gentle. Large, but gentle.) Hoss could be (carefully) used anally—but I didn't even attempt it, because I don't have that kind of anal expertise (yet). I also couldn't fit Hoss in my mouth, but M thought it was hot that I tried.

Hoss is 100% pure medical grade silicone. Consequently, silicone lubes are not recommended since they can react with the dildo. Oil lubes are fine for solo play (or if your play doesn't involve latex, since oil breaks down latex), and water-based lubes are a great all-purpose lube, especially if you're using condoms or other toys with it. Whatever lube you decide to use with Hoss, use lots of it—I found that no matter how much lube I thought was enough when we started playing with Hoss, as Hoss got deeper inside me, I would need more. If you're not certain whether you have enough lube or not, try rotating Hoss—if he pulls on your insides, you need more lube.

Hoss can be washed in the top rack of your dishwasher, boiled for three minutes, or wiped down with a 10% bleach solution to sterilize. It can also be cleaned (but not sterilized—so only do this if you're not sharing) with soap and water. I found that Hoss doesn't actually fit in my bathroom sink, so I just toss it in the shower with me, and scrub it down once I've washed all the lube off my legs.
Experience
I have to admit, the first few times I used Hoss, it was demoralizing. I mean, he's just so big—and although my brain was prepared for the bigness, my body definitely wasn't. Initially, I was frustrated, because I'm used to grabbing multiple quick test sessions for toys throughout the day. With Hoss, I just can't do it. Hoss requires long sessions, otherwise I'm not relaxed enough to make any progress. And although I could hardly get any of it in the first time I used it, by the third and fourth sessions, I was doing much better. (If you're like me and not used to regularly using something this big, you might find that two days in a row is all you can do before needing to take a break.)

I found Hoss was most easily used in conjunction with my Hitachi, especially for the first few times when I was terrified of the damn thing. (It's much harder to be terrified when there's other things going on, such as high-intensity vibration). Additionally, applying a vibrator to the base of the Hoss does transmit the vibrations all the way to the head, but we found that when using Hoss vaginally, it was easier just to put the vibrator on my clit instead of trying to hold it on the base while moving Hoss around at the same time.

Additionally, it really does make a difference what position you and Hoss are in. I found that being on all fours and having Hoss enter me doggy style was actually really uncomfortable because all the lube was encouraging him to slide up to my ass (we'll need a few more dates before I'm willing to negotiate that one, Mr. Hoss). So if I've got a partner with me, I lie on my back with a pillow under my hips, or with M's legs under my hips, and then let him put Hoss in me that way. It helps if Hoss is rotated slowly as he goes in—not full circles, but little tiny back-and-forth rotations. I usually start by having Hoss go in in missionary position (balls down), but if I'm having trouble, I rotate him around and go the other way—it's a little easier, plus, the corpus spongiosum feels pretty nice. If I'm playing by myself, I either put him on the bed and crouch over him, or I take him to the bathroom and use the hard bathroom floor as a support to crouch over him that way. The bathroom method is definitely easier because Hoss shifts less, but sometimes I just like to be lazy and stay in bed.

Really, the last thing I can say about Hoss is that he takes time, effort, and a lot of lube, and even after almost two weeks with him, I'm still not getting him as far in as I would like (there's a particularly large vein that starts about halfway down that looks amazing—I'm not sure I'll get there, but it's a nice goal.) However, I would say that he's worth both the price and the effort—I've become addicted to the feeling of him stretching me out slowly, and when I'm not using him and he's all clean and shiny on my bedside table, he just looks good.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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Comments
  • Epiphora
    Epiphora  
    HOSS. That name cracks me up. But it is fitting...
  • Maria
    Maria  
    Yeah, it cracks me up too. After watching Dr. Horrible entirely too many times, I have named mine Bad Horse.
  • Minxy
    Minxy  
    HOLY COW!
  • Cock Wrangler
    Cock Wrangler  
    Yeah, with something this size, I think there's no such thing as too much lube. Also, oils are not great for the vagina, so I'd recommend staying away from them even for solo play.
  • Maria
    Maria  
    @ Minxy -- Yeah, I know! That's how I feel every time I play with it. =p

    @ Cock Wrangler -- Good to know about the oil lube--I never use them because there's always condoms involved in my sex sooner or later, so I completely forgot to check whether it's okay for the vagina. Thanks for letting me know.
  • illmakeit2012
    illmakeit2012  
    great review
  • V.T.T
    V.T.T  
    Awesome review, badass title
    I my Hoss...a lot.
  • UnknownGirl
    UnknownGirl  
    Holy hell that looks gigantic!
  • UnknownGirl
    UnknownGirl  
    Holy hell that looks gigantic!
  • dv8
    dv8  
    Bad Horse? Have you named a toy Captain Hammer?
  • Noira
    Noira  
    (giggles) Now I want to name all of my toys after Dr. Horrible characters. Great review!
  • angel142stx
    angel142stx  
    Thanks for the review
  • bayosgirl
    bayosgirl  
    ty
  • theavocadopit
    theavocadopit  
    Thanks for the review

  • Bignuf
    Bignuf  
    Thanks for that great review on one of the few toys at EF that could scare me!
  • Gunsmoke
    Gunsmoke  
    Not sure why you'd want to do that to yourself? All in the name of science - thanks for taking one for the team!
  • Real or memorex
    Real or memorex  
    Thanks for the great review. This thing scares me.
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