Vibrating emperor review by California Exotic

I’ve got to start by saying that my first impressions of the Vibrating Emperor were less than great.  When I ordered it, I opted for the brown guy.  My monitor gave him a warm brown hue that turned me on.  When he arrived though, I found him to be more purplish-taupe; like a lipstick color I might pick out. 

Strike one.

Strikes two and three were almost simultaneous: upon opening the clear packaging I was overwhelmed by that manufactured rubber smell that everyone hates, and as I took the dong out of the package, I discovered it was covered with a sticky film that made my hands feel tacky and smell like rubber.  Washing it (and my hands) did not help either issue.  It picked up dust faster than a Swiffer.

These three attributes really didn’t get things off to a good start—I didn’t want to put this already dirt-covered wand in my pussy, and I couldn’t imagine how bad it would taste in my mouth.

There were also, however, three majorly redeeming attributes: it is heavy; it is my absolute ideal size; and it moves and bends just like a real cock.

One of the things that really drew me to the Vibrating Emperor was its suction cup base.  I’d never tried a toy that had one, but really liked the idea of slapping it on the shower wall and going to town. 

So, for my first trick, I rolled on a condom and some silicone based lube.  Using the built in vibrator, I tickled my clit while I squatted on the floor.  The vibrations were quiet and enough to be exciting, but nothing to write home about.  After a few minutes of teasing I headed to the shower as planned, but since this guy isn’t water-proof, I decided it would have to be a dry shower. 

No matter where I positioned the dong I just couldn’t find a comfortable angle.  I finally found (after several minutes of frustrating and uncomfortable attempts) that low on the shower wall while I bent way over was comfortable and stimulated my g-spot. 

Once inside me though, the mediocre vibrations of yore were insignificant.  Also, the wire between the dong and the remote is just short enough to be annoying when you’re moving around.  My dry-shower orgasm ended up being about as exciting as it sounds.  Actually, I was kind of glad to be done.  The worst part of this experience was that even though it was sheathed in a condom, my crotch smelled like rubber for the rest of the day.  So much for this being a foreplay toy.

Later, not to be discouraged, I decided to pretend there was no suction cup and try again.  I actually really enjoyed the Vibrating Emperor this time because I could slip my fingers between the base and the balls for a good grip.  The cock isn’t too long, so I could insert it all the way and let the balls smack against me too.  Again, I found the vibrator to be useless internally, but it makes for a good dong.

If I had an exercise ball I’d like to stick this on top and go for a ride, so maybe I’ll invest in one and give it a whirl.