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When Dildos Attack

Did not live up to my expectations; I used this toy a few times when I first got it and have avoided it since then. The material is scratchy and uncomfortable in my throat, the loading of the syringe is a pain in the ass, and the size is just too big to be enjoyable, even for just oral.
Published:
Pros:
Realistic looking, girthy, and if you need something that spurts, he will do that.
Cons:
Too rigid for deep-throating, hard to clean, hard to wrangle tubing, and VERY big.
Rating by reviewer:
2
useful review
I got Squirt specifically for camming, so I wasn't even necessarily looking for an over-the-top ecstatic sexual experience with it, I just wanted something fun and realistic to do "blow-job" shows with. But even for just blow jobs, Squirt is not the most pleasant co-star. When I got it out of the box (that looks like a cartoon with REALISTIC SQUIRTING DILDO written all over it in huge lettering), I gasped. This thing is massive. I don't know whose realistic cock this is based on, but he's a big boy. This is easily the biggest toy I have, and I'm supposed to be trying to fit it in my mouth!

There are no instructions for installing the pump apparatus; you are just supposed to fend for yourself and figure it out. After almost tearing the suction cup off the bottom, I finally figured out how to thread the tubing into the shaft. The whole design seems kind of unhygienic, as there is no way to really clean this tiny little tube that squirts. Thankfully I am only using it in my mouth. I also had to trim the tubing a bit, and I have to be careful when I'm using it, because the tube can jut out of the tip and cut into the back of my throat. Not fun!

I use piƱa colada mix for the cum (don't laugh; it's delicious!) but obviously you shouldn't use something with sugar if you are going to be using the toy near your pussy. But figuring out what you're going to load into the bulb is half the battle, then you have to actually get the liquid into the bulb, which is a pain! Another catch: this toy is huge, and getting it into your mouth is no easy task either. It is also very rigid and veiny, almost scratchy, and plastic, so it is not fun to deep-throat or even mid-throat. I use other toys for deep throating; if I try to use Squirt I will have a sore throat.

The suction cup is very powerful, and the toy itself seems very well made, if not impossibly rigid and clunky. I am hoping they redesign Squirt with a smaller diameter, better instructions for installing the tubing, and maybe a companion edible lube that looks like cum. Then this would be a five-star toy.
This content is the opinion of the submitting contributor and is not endorsed by EdenFantasys.com
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My Squirt - the realistic tags
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Bachelor/ bachelorette party
    • Gag gift
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Anywhere
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • Oral
This review was edited by
  • Do emu Do emu
  • Rank:
     
    5.6
  • Edited reviews: 214
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Comments
  • bog
    bog  
    Thank you!
  • Upyourreviews
    Upyourreviews  
    Thanks for your thoughts!
  • PeaceToTheMiddleEast
    PeaceToTheMiddleEast  
    Sorry to hear you did not like it either. Mines sits in the box. Thanks for sharing!
  • souviet
    souviet  
    Thanks!
  • CaseyDeuce
    CaseyDeuce  
    Great review! Thanks for your insight!
  • TrenchcoatHunters
    TrenchcoatHunters  
    thanks for the review
  • SMichelle
    SMichelle  
    Thank you for the review.
  • Bleu
    Bleu  
    Thanks for the review.
  • comatose-kitty
    comatose-kitty  
    Too bad its so rigid
  • ToriTastic
    ToriTastic  
    thanks for the review
  • karenm
    karenm  
    Great review, thanks!
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