F For Failure

When you started looking for a clitoral pump, were you looking for something to increase the blood flow to your clitoris making it easier and more intense to orgasm (as is the definition of a clitoral pump)? Well, look elsewhere. This clitoral pump doesn't transfer vibrations to any of the right places, and it's suctions just sucks (and not in a good way). If it can't stay put, it can't pump.
Published:
Pros:
It's pretty.
Cons:
Poor Suction.
Vibration Doesn't Transfer.
Not Waterproof.
Sleeves Do Nothing.
Rating by reviewer:
1
extremely useful review

Use

First of all, the idea of the clitoral pump is to take aim at the female consumer. The advanced clitoral pump claims that it has incredible suction and will make your orgasms and intimate play more intense. What I got out of the idea of the clitoral pump is that by placing the suction around the clit and then pumping, the blood would flow to that location for a more aroused, somewhat swollen clitoris. Then, the clitoris should be more sensitive to any play that comes after. In relation to that, it should be easier to orgasm, and the orgasm should be stronger. So, basically the use seems to be aimed at foreplay. The vibrations of this toy are supposed to be the boost that takes it from awesome to a-maz-ing. However, none of that explains the use of this toy in my opinion. In my opinion, this toy is USELESS. I think its sole purpose might be to enrage me because I've never been angrier at a toy. Why do you look so cool, yet you do absolutely nothing of interest, clitoral pump?! Who will this toy work for? Maybe those who already have super sensitive clits, but that's really not the point, is it? Gag gift? Sure.
    • Gag gift

Material / Texture

This clitoral pump is made of plastic and TPR. The whole body is plastic, while the sleeves are the only flexible part and made of TPR (which makes no sense btw). Plastic is non-porous and rated an 8 on the safety scale. Of course, none of the plastic parts touch your lady bits on this toy. TPR has a 7 safety rating and is porous, yet it's the part of the toy that will be in contact with your bodily fluids. It's suggested to use a condom if sharing TPR toys. Obviously, that's not an option with this pump. The TPR sleeves were a nonsense choice...they are far too flexible to provide any texture or to make firm contact. After reading several reviews, I tried to use lubricant in addition to my own moisture to attach this pump...no go, my friends. I went ahead and made my hand perfectly flat, wondering if the pump would at least attach well to a flat surface...no go, my friends. Basically, I'm not sure why TPR was the choice for this piece as it doesn't seem to aid in anything. The TPR also smells bad...rubbery. That rubbery scent doesn't wash off either.
    • Somewhat porous
    • Strong odor

Design / Shape / Size

Do I like the design? I'm not even sure where all the design went wrong. The vibrations don't transfer out of the handle, so I'm guessing the 3 vrooms on the product page are for the handle of the toy and not the part that actually makes contact. You can pump a few times before this pops off, or the pump gets screwed up...nowhere near enough to actually convince your clit that it needs to wake up. I think the vibration may actually loosen the little bit of grip that this pump might have. The fact that you have to stuff foam behind the head of this pump in order to not ruin the toy also seems a little design-flawed. The flexible neck for the pump? Good idea, but it just didn't pan out. It's not a discreet toy, the TPR covers attract lint like crazy, and it's super easy to accidentally turn on while traveling. 7 inches long, 2 inches wide.

Functions / Performance / Controls

The product page says sucking and vibrating. I just want to point that out to those who insist that people only rate this poorly because it doesn't create a sucking simulation but rather a pumping one. That being said, it doesn't really suck, and it vibrates...in all the wrong places. At least there is only one button to work for vibrations, and there are a few different vibration speeds. That at least seemed like a good idea. It's not waterproof, but at least it's not that loud. I don't really know what to say for the function section since it essentially does not function as intended. It does take two AAA batteries.
    • Not very discreet

Care and Maintenance

Basically, the only thing that needs cleaned are the TPR sleeves, and those can just be cleaned with soap and water or toy cleaner. The issue is letting them air dry without having them attract any dirt, fuzz, lint, or hair. Oil-based lubricants cannot be used with these sleeves. I have stored it in its original box up until this review...I plan to throw it out after. However, if you must purchase it and plan to store it, keep it in a cool place because these sleeves seem especially prone to melting or becoming disfigured.
    • High maintenance

Packaging

The box that the clitoral pump comes in is at least informative. There are even instructions on the inside as well as all of the items individually listed on the back of the box. The box isn't discreet. The parts are listed as:
pliable suction bulb
quick release purge valve
flexible air hose
flex head for comfort and dexterity
soft TPR sleeve with teasers
3-speed push button control
The only parts that I noticed missing from the back are the foam sponges to be placed behind the sleeve and the original sleeve. There is a sponge originally in the item as well as a replacement one. This package is too outdated porn for me thanks to the woman pulling up her dress on the front and back. For that reason, even if this were a quality product (which it is not), I wouldn't gift this item in this packaging.
    • Not discreet
    • Very informative
Follow-up commentary
Since I received the advanced clitoral pump, I have not tried any other products of similar functions. For this reason, I'm going to say that I still don't like the clitoral pump, but perhaps it is not JUST this pump. Perhaps it is just not my sort of toy.
This content is the opinion of the submitting contributor and is not endorsed by EdenFantasys.com
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Comments
  • AmethystQueen
    AmethystQueen  
    Thanks for the review
  • Cindi025
    Cindi025  
    Thanks for the review!
  • kendra30752
    kendra30752  
    Wonderful review! I'm so sorry this was such a frustrating toy for you. I wanted this a looong time ago, until I bought 2 others and read reviews. Since I've had one with similar problems, I can totally see how you were upset. Some of these pumps are so.. finicky! You just can't get it right with them. If more time was spent on this design, it could've been pretty awesome. I ended up finding one pump I liked. It wasn't any miracle worker, but it was a lot of fun. Jenna's something another. It was easy to use, but the majority of the stimulation came from using the pump to suction. It did suction well though! It's too bad this thing has so many flaws. Thank you for the excellent review though. You did a really nice job describing what the reasons for it not doing its job were. And also a great job on everything else in there! I love it.
  • ChubbyNerd
    ChubbyNerd  
    Thanks for the review! It sucks this doesn't work, I really wanted to try it, however I haven't heard anything good about it.
  • Kristi :)
    Kristi :)  
    Now I wanna see the box! haha Thank you for a great review. I haven never used anything like this and was wondering how it worked. Thank you.
  • Kristi :)
    Kristi :)  
    Now I wanna see the box! haha Thank you for a great review. I haven never used anything like this and was wondering how it worked. Thank you.
  • GONE!
    GONE!  
    Great review!
  • Fyreflye
    Fyreflye  
    All the clitoral pumps eden offers has similar reviews to this one. Inadequate, doesn't work, won't create suction. A man designed these didn't he?? LOL. No offense guys! Just a fan of products for women made by women.
  • Beautiful-Disaster
    Beautiful-Disaster  
    Thanks for your review.
  • Asher
    Asher  
    Yuck to this....Thank you!
  • thedapperwolf11
    thedapperwolf11  
    Thanks for the review.
  • marshmallow
    marshmallow  
    thanks!
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