Crotchless panties glow in the dark - sex toy for women by Pipedream - review by dlw

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Glow in the Junk

Sexy: NO. Crotchless: not exactly. Glowing: YES. Do they actually look like the panties pictured or regular panties at all: NO. I would recommend you skip putting this item on your wish list.
they glow
odd shape/size
poorly constructed
"dry clean only"
Rating by reviewer:
useful review
These panties arrived in a nice box measuring 6"x5"x2" deep. The box might actually be better quality than the panty itself. Written all over the box is "Super Sexy Glow in the Dark Crotchless Panties." It even says "So sexy...They glow!" in neon green, pink, and yellow colors.

To warn you first, these panties look NOTHING like the photo. The pictured item actually looks like a normal string bikini panty. The panty I received looks like it would fit a robot with a square crotch and butt. In my honest opinion, it seems as if someone took a piece of lace and a piece of polyester material, cut them into the same shape (to cover your front and back) and placed them together, cut a half circle out of both sides at the bottom, then connected them together with a lace around the sides, and then added an elastic waistband to it. These are horrid.

The polyester and lace material are really stiff and scratchy. It might loosen up after a washing or twelve, but the fit was just too uncomfortable. I do not know if I can stand to give them another try.

From the elastic waist to the bottom of the lace side is 9" and 7" to the middle of the "crotchless hole" part. The waist band is 19" around. The back panel is 8" across while the front is 5 1/2" wide. The package says "one size fits most" but the elastic waistband can stretch to about 15" across and is literally just a piece of elastic so I do not think it would be a comfortable fit for it to stretch far. My waist is 28" around and it was uncomfortable for me to wear these.


They are supposed to be crotchless, however, they are more like buttless. The hole is not in the correct position. They are really awkward. The point of having crotchless panties is to allow easy access while dressed. Unless you are planning on having sex from behind, it would be really difficult to get that access.

The panties are also supposed to glow in the dark (that is the point that caught my eye and made me order them). So if they were to fit correctly, this feature would give your partner a hint where to find you even in the darkest situations. Surprise, they do glow! In fact, they were already glowing just from me taking them out of the box and exposing them to the light present in the room. Holding them up to a lamp for 30 seconds to a minute does increase the intensity of the glow. I managed to get the glow to last for at least 10 minutes, then I was tired of looking at them in the dark.

There is one medium sized tag in the back that says these are dry clean only. I think it might be a little awkward to take your crotchless panties to the cleaners. The assembly is so cheap that I wouldn't spend the money to have these professionally cleaned.

I would recommend you spend your $11.99 on something more useful. These panties are marked for novelty only, so I shouldn't be surprised at the poor quality and craftsmanship, but I was hoping for a little fun to spice up the night. I'll put it plain and simple: do not waste your money on these.
My boyfriend was in the room when I opened the package containing these panties. I showed him the box and his curiosity was immediately perked over the words "glow in the dark." I took them out of the box and held them up. He started to laugh at the shape and appearance of them. They didn't look like the panties pictured on the box. I didn't know quite what to think about them. I had him feel the material and he said, "Those are crotchless? There is no way "HE" is going near those...they'll cut him!" My boyfriend was making reference to how stiff and uncomfortable the lace felt.

I put them on to give them a fair chance. After we turned off the lights just to check to see if they really glowed, we both decided they needed to come off and go back in the box. My boyfriend told me to throw them away, but I couldn't bear to just toss them.
Follow-up commentary
To be honest, these are still just sitting in my drawer. I haven't tried them on again. I have been thinking of using the glow in the dark lace on a project just because I can't bear to throw them away and waste the material. It's a great idea, but HORRIBLE quality. I wouldn't even give these to the girl down the street who I can't stand. THAT BAD.
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My Crotchless panties glow in the dark tags
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Bachelor/ bachelorette party
    • Gag gift
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Bedroom / on a bed
    • Play party
  • Features
    [ ? ]
    What kind of features does this product offer?
    • Glows
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • Buttocks
  • General
    [ ? ]
    Other tags that are useful and descriptive for this product.
    • Novelty
    • Underwear
This review was edited by
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Do you like this review?
  • Purpleladybug
    Thanks for the review!!
  • bmoney81
    Glow-in-the-dark sounds fun. Too bad they aren't good quality.
  • BadassFatass
    Thanks for the review. Sorry these didn't work out better for you.
  • smirthy
    too bad sooo sad. Thanks for the tip not to get themmm!
  • ~LaUr3n~
    I've never noticed these!
  • dlw
    Yeah these and check out these other novelty underwear:
    Those ones are actually A LOT of fun and better quality!
  • liilii080
    Robot butt is not sexy! Great review!
  • dlw
    @liilii080: Robot butt...HA HA...I'm still laughing at your comment AND how horrible these look.
  • dudeman47
    Too bad... these seemed to have such potential... thanks for the review
  • whatevergirl
    Good to know!
  • MamaDivine
    thanks for the review!
  • Bignuf
    Thanks for that honest review.
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