Ohhh G - clitoral vibrator by Doc Johnson - review by Magician

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Ohhh G

Clitoral vibrator by

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Ohhh G, I should have gotten something else.

In reality, this is one of the easiest toys to suggest for people. First, go find a ruler. It’s alright, I’ll wait. Have you found one? Good. Now remove your lower undergarments and measure the distance between your clit and the top of your vaginal opening. If that distance is exactly 1 inch, congratulations! You’re most likely one of a select few who can use this toy effectively. I’d shake your hand, but I know where it’s been.
Published:
Pros:
AAA batteries
multi-speed
Cons:
Loud
Unadjustable
Poorly Designed
Rating by reviewer:
1
extremely useful review
I was excited at the prospects of this toy, since it was designed to stimulate both the G spot and the clitoris at the same time, and is small enough to potentially be worn under clothing. I’m also always a fan of standard batteries, and running off a couple of AAA’s is something that is very convenient for me. The toy itself is basically one molded piece of plastic, the only other piece being the removable battery cover. It was smooth and without heft, which was my first indication that perhaps this was not the most thought out piece of technology developed. The toy operated with two buttons: one which gradually increased the power, while the other reduced it and turned the device off. It functioned as a multi-speed vibrator, and was comparable to a standard vibrator’s range of power. The sound, however, is something else entirely.

Let me just say that I’ve had cordless drills that made less noise than this thing. Turning the speed to maximum on this thing sounds like someone is using hair clippers on your crotch. You can muffle it by placing your hand over it, but as soon as you let that battery cover roam free, the buzz will give you away to anyone within two rooms. I would let it slide if the vibrations were equally intense, but that just isn’t the case.

So let’s be frank: unless your clit is exactly 1 inch from your vaginal hole, this toy will not work for you. My wife’s clit to vagina length (apparently that is a thing, who knew?) is above one inch, which means if she wants to use this on her clit, she can’t insert the finger, and if she wants to insert the finger, she can’t reach her clit. For your referencing convenience, my wife is 5’ 4”, of average American weight. I don’t think the CVL (for more lovely information on this part of the human body, look up Princess Marie Bonaparte on Wikipedia) is necessarily correlated with height or weight, but I thought I’d throw that out there in case it mattered.

Also, you should determine how far in your G –spot is, because the plastic finger that protrudes from the toy did not go near deep enough to stimulate anything worth stimulating on my wife. We were lying on the bed, and I had lubed up everything with an expectant smile on my face, ready to insert the toy and watch my wife rock herself into orgasm. What I got instead was a blank stare. “Is it in yet?” is not only degrading for a man, but I’m pretty sure this toy felt a tiny bit of shame as well. “It’s not on my clit,” she said, but when I tried to move it up, the finger jammed into her pubic bone and she let out a yelp. It really didn’t take long to determine that this was not made for anyone without very specific proportions.

In conclusion, this toy was a waste of time. I usually try not to be so harsh on toys I review, but this one was so poorly conceived that I can’t help but think the designers had a single point of reference, and decided that every woman in the world would fit those proportions. It’s like making a pair of pants that’s “one size fits all” out of denim. There is no room for adjustments, and because of that, there’s no room for this toy in our sex life.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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My Ohhh G tags
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Masturbation
    • Solo
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Bedroom / on a bed
  • Features
    [ ? ]
    What kind of features does this product offer?
    • Travel friendly
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • Clitoris
    • G-spot
This review was edited by
  • Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
  • Rank:
     
    6.4
  • Edited reviews: 330
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Comments
  • liilii080
    liilii080  
    This made me laugh. Love your sense of humor and detail about how to use the toy. Great review!
  • P'Gell
    P'Gell  
    Thanks. Helpful and amusing review.

  • P'Gell
    P'Gell  
    Cool reference to Madam Bonaparte, even though her research has been found to be inaccurate. She was the original one to almost coin the phrase "Clit O Steel."
  • Airen Wolf
    Airen Wolf  
    I love your writing style! Too funny.
  • StrapOnStud
    StrapOnStud  
    lol nice review..i kno i cracked a few laughs..good work
  • Tuesday
    Tuesday  
    How strong is it though? Assuming it did fit, do you think it would be strong enough to work?
  • Envy
    Envy  
    Lol, poor thing. I thought it looked weird, I'll be sure to avoid this. Thanks for the great and funny review!
  • Naughty Student
    Naughty Student  
    Wow, high hopes are often let down, too bad it really sucked for you guys! Great review, it made my night!
  • Mr. E
    Mr. E  
    This looks more like a dollar store coat hook.

    Thanks for the heads up on this. I always appreciate the honest reviews!
  • BadassFatass
    BadassFatass  
    This toy looked interesting to me but I think I'll skip it now. Thanks for the review!
  • Selective Sensualist
    Selective Sensualist  
    Loved your humor! Sorry this did not work for you, but thanks for the great review, nonetheless!
  • BBW Talks Toys
    BBW Talks Toys  
    Thank you for completely confirming my thoughts on this! I had a genuine gut-feeling when I saw this that it was going to be a let down in every single one of the ways you mentioned.

    Awesome review though. Very funny!
  • Miss Madeline
    Miss Madeline  
    So sorry this toy didn't work out for you. I'm not sure that this toy would work out for anybody, lol.

    Thanks for the fabulously snarky review!
  • Upskirt
    Upskirt  
    Wow...sorry this was such a disappointment! Thanks for the review
  • neon
    neon  
    very useful review and humorous as well!
  • TransMarc
    TransMarc  
    Thanks for that very fun review!
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