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Too Noisy -- Until I Fixed It

This much loved favorite of reviewers everywhere needs some serious improvement in the noise department. But never fear, what the manufacturer has failed to correct can be fixed, so read on!
Published:
Pros:
A wide variety of pulse patterns and pretty strong vibrations.
Cons:
Noisy! But don't worry, that can be fixed if you're willing.
Rating by reviewer:
4
extremely useful review

Use

I would recommend this bullet for solo play if you fall into one of the following categories: a) you live alone and aren't concerned with thin walls, b) you don't care if someone might hear, or c) you're willing to go the extra mile to modify your toy.

Despite the name, it's not really an internal toy, and I find it unlikely that it reaches many g-spots. It's primary function is clitoral stimulation. I'm also doubtful about its usefulness in a couple situation, since the noise and flashing lights would probably prove distracting for many. But if you're into sci-fi roleplaying, perhaps that's a good thing. The combination of the futuristic and the tacky in its design would not look out of place in the hands of Zapp Brannigan. You know, if you're into that sort of thing.
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Everyone
    • Solo
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • On a bed only
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • Clitoris

Material / Texture

It's plastic. Lime green and purple plastic, with many flashing lights and a lime green cord. The bullet that comes with the pack has the texture of plastic-cote, which is a very slightly velvety finish to hard plastic, is on the large side, and is fairly unremarkable.

The controller is above average, despite the overenthusiastic light show, in that it has no slip grips.

I found the entire thing to lack any distinctive smell.
    • Rigid
    • Smooth

Design / Shape / Size

I would not call this toy discreet, as the bright colors are sure to attract the eye if it's left laying around, or tumbles out of one's luggage. If it was seen, you might pass it off as a cheap mp3 player, if the other party was particularly gullible, and failed to examine the thing. On the other hand, it's not really a large toy, so it should be easy enough to stash it away.

The size of the bullet itself is definitely on the large side, but it's really not made for insertion, so in my opinion it's just unnecessarily large for no particular reason. Also, since the entire bullet vibrates, it's a little numbing on the fingers. So, I'd give the bullet itself a thumbs down, especially given its most offensive feature -- the unholy racket it manages to make.

However, the control pack itself is excellent. It has a wide range of functions, a no slip grip, and a pleasant enough shape to hold. The controls are simple to work, and the batteries are easy to insert, and then dump out again for storage.
    • Futuristic

Functions / Performance / Controls

The device provides quite strong vibrations, with a wide variety of pulse patterns, and multiple noticeably different levels. The controls are easy to work. The bullet itself is surprisingly noisy. However, there is a solution to the noise.

The control pack is not waterproof.
    • Multiple settings
    • Not very discreet
    • Strong patterns

Care and Maintenance

The bullet can be disconnected from the control pack and washed in the sink with mild soap or toy cleaner. The pack itself could be wiped off with a damp cloth if it became necessary. The whole thing stores nicely in just about any cloth container, ranging from an old sock to a small cosmetics bag. Since it's just plastic, it's not any particular danger to itself or others.

It should be stored sans batteries, lest they drain or worse yet leak inside the control pack.
    • Easy to clean
    • Easy to store

Packaging

The ugly but not particularly offensive packaging was not a complete pain to slice up and hide in the recycling bin, but it certainly wasn't reusable in any way. It was a bubble pack, and the toy needed to be sliced out of it with a pocket knife.
    • Recyclable

Personal comments

And now, for the good part. I promised a solution to the noise problem produced by this otherwise above average and much loved bullet. I simply installed a different bullet. Problem solved.

The bullet can be replaced in one of two ways. If you have another bullet with the same kind of end on it, just plug it on in and see if it works. If it does, you're done. However, if your potential bullet is hard wired onto its controller, as mine was, it'll take a little more work.

I had a White Knight bullet from Doc Johnson, which was quiet, and a very nice texture, but the cord had been kinked, rendering it less than reliable. I also happened to have the cord from a toy I'd thrown out due to excessive suckage, but I'd snipped off and kept the cord in my box of miscellaneous electronic parts that live in my closet 'just in case' of some unknown need.

Anyway, since the cord in question happened to have the same type of male end as the bullet which came with the Xtreme Pack, I was glad to have it. I stripped the ends of the cord, then did the same with the no-longer-reliable bullet. For this, you can use the proper tool -- wire strippers --- or carefully do the job with wire cutters or a pocket knife. If you opt for the pocket knife, take care to protect your hands! Wire can also be stripped with tiny scissors, but only if you have great patience, which I do not possess. Fortunately I didn't need patience, because I did have wire strippers.

Once you have your two parts stripped, they need to make friends. You'll notice that each of your cords contains two separate wires. It's important that they remain two separate wires, or the device will short out. Electrical tape is the key to keeping them nicely separate as you wrap your ends together to form a connection. Don't just overlap them slightly -- go ahead and really twist them around each other, so they won't come loose -- the electrical tape will keep the wires from touching each other, but it will not hold two ends together on its own. Wrap each of the two wires with some electrical tape, and then tape up your cord.

Plug it in, and give it a whirl. Enjoy your new improved X-Treme Pack.

(I do not recommend sacrificing the cord on the existing X-Treme Pack bullet for this project. If you do not have an available cord, swing by Radio Shack or a hardware and just buy what you need. Better to spend another two dollars than to ruin a twenty-five dollar toy.)
Follow-up commentary
Is there a "I was meh and I'm still meh" option? There's nothing wrong with this toy, nor is there, in my opinion, anything particularly special about it. The bullet is too loud, and while it's powerful, there are quieter, more powerful toys available these days. The control pack is a cut above average for a corded bullet, and when used with a quieter bullet, I do like it, but I find I just don't reach for it in a toybox full of other options.

Everything still seems to be in working order after all of this time, though, which is impressive, since I haven't treated the cord with any particular respect.

If you want patterns for a bargain price, and don't mind a bit of noise, go for it. It's worth the money, but if you have a little more to spend, get something a little sleeker.
This content is the opinion of the submitting contributor and is not endorsed by EdenFantasys.com
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Comments
  • Missmarc
    Missmarc  
    ty for the suggestion on motifying the toy.
  • badk1tty
    badk1tty  
    Sex-toy modification -- not heard of that one much
  • Seth912
    Seth912  
    Excellent review! Thanks a lot!
  • evecat
    evecat  
    Awesome solution
  • zwee75
    zwee75  
    great review, thanks for the tip!
  • SexyStuff
    SexyStuff  
    Thanks!
  • EmDub
    EmDub  
    Thanks!
  • klyte
    klyte  
    Thanks for the review, I want one of these!
  • Ms. N
    Ms. N  
    Great review. No way I would try the rewiring though
  • PirateofPenance
    PirateofPenance  
    thank you!
  • ExesandOhs
    ExesandOhs  
    Thanks for the review!
  • glassrose
    glassrose  
    I completely agree on the noise factor.
  • dsumrow1
    dsumrow1  
    ty
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