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What rhymes with "Smart Balls"?

A great starter toy – both for vaginal exercise and simple pleasure. Easy to clean, easy to use, and made of decently safe elastomed, Smart Balls are a great deal for a multipurpose toy.
Published:
Pros:
Strengthens vaginal muscles, easy to use, can be worn for hours, lots of color choices.
Cons:
Cord can get in the way, inner balls don’t provide strong sensations.
Rating by reviewer:
4
useful review
I decided to get creative! This review was written in iambic pentameter and has the rhyme scheme ABCB for each stanza. I tried to include my normal points and my opinions, but some things may be more condensed in the poem form.

My Smart Balls are a green and pink delight:
Elastomed with smaller balls within…
But what’s this? Like the 80th review?
I’ll skip the promo part…let’s just begin!

They’re wide enough to stretch, but not too big,
Compact enough to hide – and that’s a perk!
Just slide them up inside, and voilà! You
Can wear them ‘round the house or out to work.

*sigh*
The novelty of wearing them wears off:
At times I moved my legs or maybe squirmed…
That cord got near my ass and I’m afraid
Of those infections caused by anal germs.

To exercise your V just pop one in,
And clench then pull the cord with all your might.
Then put in both and do the same again --
You’ll see how long your V puts up a fight!

And as a masturbator I was pleased:
Despite the flexing midpoint I enjoyed
Some nice orgasms moving them around
By tugging on the cord of this ol’ toy.

I shook the balls enough to feel a pulse
Along my walls; I grinned at that surprise.
I’m sure it’s weak compared to other vibes
But those weak waves helped me enjoy the ride.

That midpoint is a thing both good and bad:
It’s nice – the balls can flex and fit your slot,
But sadly once they’re in there’s not much spice,
They didn’t really dazzle my G-spot.

It’s been a year since I made Smart Balls mine
That cord got kind of bumpy over time
Don’t know what’s up – but it is mighty strong
I’ve yanked and pulled and jostled – it’s still fine!

I liked them more in my virginity
But still it is a lovely toy to me.
Oops! Brace for impact – dropped them from four feet
They “thud”-ed, but no cracks that I could see

‘Tis sad that they cannot be sterilized
So scrub them with warm sudsy soap like Dial.
And mind the gaps and seams along the balls
Just keep them clean and they will last a while!
Experience
A few notes about my specific experiences with Smart Balls: I don't think I've derived any special pleasure from the contours in the balls. I do enjoy jostling my hips when masturbating with Smart Balls, as this helps the inner balls move around and stimulate my labia. Rhythmically tugging the cord is good for this, too. I don't have any vibes yet, but I've heard if you loop the cord around a vibe, it can send vibrations through the whole toy. Enjoy!
This content is the opinion of the submitting contributor and is not endorsed by EdenFantasys.com
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Comments
  • Sammi
    Sammi  
    I like your poetry Smile.

    Good (and different) review!
  • Rockin'
    Rockin'  
    @Sammi - Thanks! I tried not to be too cheesy with the rhymes. Smile

    And to whoever voted "worth reading, but not useful" -- If you could let me know why this review was not useful (I included material type, cleaning, uses, specifics about toy function/design, and how my opinion of the toy changed over time), that would be very helpful to me.
  • Mamastoys
    Mamastoys  
    different type of review but fun to read. I think you covered everything..thanks!
  • Carrie Ann
    Carrie Ann  
    That was fun read Smile
  • Epiphora
    Epiphora  
    This. is. amazing.

    I can't believe you wrote in iambic pentameter.
  • Rockin'
    Rockin'  
    @Mamastoys - Thanks for your comment. I didn't want my Smart Balls review to blend into the crowd. I tried to cover as much as I could without being too longwinded.

    @Carrie Ann - Thank you! That means a lot coming from you. Smile

    @Epiphora - Aww, you made me blush. I like iambic pentameter, it's such a pretty rhythm.
  • Adriana Ravenlust
    Adriana Ravenlust  
    I've never really heard of anyone using these to masturbate/flex by tugging on the cord. That is a good idea. Notice any change in muscle? I'm really hoping to try these soon. It seems like you can feel them a lot better than Luna Beads
  • Rockin'
    Rockin'  
    @Adriana - Whoa! That's like the only way I use them and actually feel something. I don't use them regularly anymore, but last year when I first got them, yeah, I felt snugger afterward and I guess I was tighter overall. I don't have Luna Beads, but they are listed as being one inch shorter while having the same diameter as SB. Maybe the length makes people feel SB better? I hope you enjoy them if you get them.
  • Miss Cinnamon
    Miss Cinnamon  
    What a fun way to write a review! I love how you were able to mix up your style but still kept plenty of useful information in the text. Great read!
  • Rockin'
    Rockin'  
    @Miss Cinnamon - Thanks for reading and for the praise!
  • SilverVixen
    SilverVixen  
    What a great review! I was looking for a nice set of ..ermm.... balls lol! And happened to find this. It was a breath of fresh air Smile)) I for one thought it was extremely useful AND creative! Great job!
  • Rockin'
    Rockin'  
    @SilverVixen - How kind of you! I'm glad you liked my review and got some good use out of it.
  • A Closet Slut (aka nipplepeople)
    A Closet Slut (aka nipplepeople)  
    Wow! What an ingenious review!
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