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Better Jellyfishers in the Sea

Against a Fleshlight, this sleeve cannot compete, but it holds its own against the mid-range sleeves. It's portable, cheap, provides intense orgasms and easy to clean. However, the porosity and constricting nature will ultimately hinder it compared to the higher ended sleeves. It's good until buying a Tenga flip, at which point it becomes obsolete.
Published:
Pros:
Easy to clean.
Inexpensive.
Portable.
Cons:
Porous.
Too intense.
Freaky looking.
Rating by reviewer:
2
extremely useful review

Use

Some products are awash in competition, where no company has a majority on the product, nor boasts name recognition. Then there are the companies whose name completely owns an entire industry, Band-aids are just adhesive medical strips, Jello is gelatin and Kleenex is only tissues. With every non-Fleshlight sleeve is reviewed, there’s always an underlying question of why buy this over the more popular FL, so this review of the Ultimate Jackoff Sleeve (UJS) will be judged not only for its individual qualities, but also
for how it compares to the FL.

The purpose of the UJS is evident from the title; it is what it says it is. As with all sleeves, it’s limited to only men, or couples with at least one man in them as lesbian couples will find this toy completely lacking in practical applications. The primary use is for masturbation, although there are applications for play with couples.

Using the UJS, as with most sleeves, requires only the lubrication of the opening and upon the penis, water or silicone only. Once both sections have been thoroughly lubricated to avoid friction, slip the sleeve over the penis and begin movement. Repeat until climax; discontinue use if there is reddening of the penis, sores, cuts, pustules or loss of sensation.

The true argument of this sleeve depends upon another section of the review: size, but that’s for another section. However, without going into too much detail too soon, the Fleshlight wins the battle of use for a simple reason, all users will fit. The UJS is only five inches long, and despite claiming to be stretchable, those claims proved to be dubious at best. A Fleshlight could accommodate a penis of nearly any size, whereas this sleeve had difficulty holding mine, which is around average. A larger of even average user will be constricted by this sleeve.

Round One Winner: Fleshlight

3/5
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Masturbation
    • Men
    • Singles
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Campus/roommate living
    • On a bed only

Material / Texture

As a rubber toy, the UJS is a porous toy, meaning that residue from use will get caught inside the material and be difficult, if not impossible to completely clean away. Porous toys should never be shared, under any circumstances, as they may transmit germs or bacteria that cause STDs. Sharing could result in infections, STD’s or any number or gnarly possibilities, excluding the possibility of sharing, so using a condom with the sleeve is suggested.

The feel of the material is slick and even more so after applying lubrication. If any lube is on the hand that’s using the sleeve, it will become too slippery to hold onto, making it next to impossible to use. The best strategy is to lube the penis with one hand and put on the sleeve with the other, but if this isn’t possible, use a blanket to wipe lube off the sleeve before use.

The material’s porosity is offset by the material’s durability and lack of odor. Rubber can not only repel dirt and other larger contaminates, but will last far longer than other materials. Still, it only has a 3/10 safety rating, which docks several points.

The Fleshlight's superskin is less porous, softer and similarly odor and tasteless. The only advantage rubber has is that it does not become stickier after use and is easier to clean as is discussed in the Care and Maintenance section.

Winner: Fleshlight

2/5
    • Bumpy
    • No odor
    • Slippery

Shape / Design / Size / Fit

The size and design of the UJS, while a hindrance as mentioned, does have one good advantage: portability. At five inches long and about one or two in thickness, this should be able to fit in the palm of most hands and definitely in a pants pocket. The UJS is perfect for anyone who needs to hide their toy usage from roommates or parents, although not hopefully significant others.

The Fleshlight in contrast, is a brick. The models vary, but they can weigh several pounds and be as long as a foot and half as thick. Given these measurements, they’re impossible to clean stealthily since they cannot be transported to the bathroom for cleaning in any way that wouldn’t rouse suspicion. Of course this is all moot for those who needn’t worry about bringing their toys around the house.
Moving on, there’s the exterior design, which is rather bland.





The UJS is merely a moderately long thin white cylinder, about an inch thick, offering nothing of interest. Not even the interior is all that int…





oh dear god no!!!! Why isn’t this devilry forbidden???!!!

Each of those creepy little teeth are the nubules which provide the sensation to the penis during use. The sensation is strong during use, but abrasive and intense after further use. Granted this has its benefits, it provided powerful orgasms similar to the first time uses of other sleeves, but it doesn’t take long after climax for the pain to begin. In contrast, Fleshlights oftentimes provides weaker orgasms, but a more enjoyable journey.

The interior is about half a centimeter, a little larger than some sleeves, but still very enjoyable. It envelops the penis tightly, but not painfully so.

Of course, that’s just how the inside feels, what about how it looks?





Hiiiiiiiiiiiii Kevin

So yeah, apparently the interior of the UJS is a sea cucumber which looks distressingly similar to Kevin from Spongebob Squarepants. If that bothers you, welcome to my world, if that excites you… I’d make a joke, but honestly, I don’t have any ground to stand on in terms of liking weird things, so moving on.
The overall victor in this clash really depends upon the situation. If stealth is not a factor, than the Fleshlight wins without question, the sensations are more subtle and provide for more elegant orgasms. However, if stealth is a factor, then despite the weird, Lovecraftian interior, the UJS still wins because being able to wash and use a sleeve every night beats a few times a month.

Winner: depends
2/5
    • Beginner

Functions / Performance / Controls

Unlike most sleeves, the UJS is only five inches long and while it claims to stretch, it lies. During use, it wouldn’t fit over my penis properly, and always seemed to leave about an inch or two uncovered. This wouldn’t seem like a big deal, it creates the sensation that the penis is closed in.

Larger sleeves, such as the Fleshlight allow the sleeve to be stretched down the penis to encompass it entirely. Longer sleeves feel more freeing, that there’s anywhere the penis may go, whether that’s in the shallow end, all the way to the top, or varied, depending upon the mood. Of course, this is a personal preference, so it depends upon whether the user prefers constricting or maneuverability.

Also worth mentioning is how during use the UJS emits a loud slurping sound, similar to the sounds of a blowjob, only magnified several times over. Blankets did not stop the sound and faint slurping noises could still be discerned from outside the bedroom door. During use, the sound doesn’t detract too much from the experience, but it could even enhance it depending upon one’s preference, but be warned that it could very be heard in the next room.

Further, there isn’t any special feature of the UJS either. It cannot be mounted for handless use, nor attached to anything for special play, meaning this is a toy that only has a few uses and none of them accomplished very well.

Winner: The more functional, hands free Fleshlight.

2/5

Care and Maintenance

As with most reversible sleeves, cleaning is a snap. As the material is rubber the UJS may be cleaned in a variety of ways. Begin by flipping it inside out, exposing layer that caught the collection of semen and lubricant. Once this layer is exposed, the method of cleaning depends upon the level of cleanliness desired. For a quick cleaning, place the UJS under a faucet of running hot water until the goop is washed away. If that’s not clean enough, scrub it down with a light soap before putting it under the faucet. An alternative method would be to place the sleeve in a tub of hot, soapy water allowing the water to infiltrate the larger crevices. As explained in the materials section, as this is made of rubber, it is porous, cannot be boiled and will always hold some of the residue from previous uses. As such, don’t share it.

This is one of the instances where the UJS defeats the Fleshlight. For those unfamiliar, the Fleshlight requires a very thorough cleaning process. It must be washed with soap and water, laid out on a towel to dry, which greatly reduces its discreetness, and after later uses, covered in corn starch to reduce stickiness. These are problems that do not affect the UJS in the slightest, making it the clear winner in a battle twixt the two. It loses points for being porous though.

Winner: UJS

4/5
    • Easy to clean
    • Easy to store

Packaging

This box was tacky and indiscreet. While it did have the benefit of size, ultimately it wasn’t worth keeping and was recycled. Further, it’s less cool than the tin the Fleshlight comes in and slightly more discreet, so another round to the Fleshlight.

1/5
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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Comments
  • comatose-kitty
    comatose-kitty  
    The internal texture does look too intense.
  • Beneath The Bed
    Beneath The Bed  
    Thanks for the great review!
  • mpfm
    mpfm  
    Great review. Thanks. I doubt my hubby would enjoy the "kevin spikes."
  • CindyH
    CindyH  
    looks interesting
  • Fluke
    Fluke  
    But its the ULTIMATE
  • SoloJoe
    SoloJoe  
    thanks
  • LavenderSkies
    LavenderSkies  
    Thanks!
  • Eugler
    Eugler  
    'lovecraftian'

    FTW!
    BTW: I Love Lovecraft
  • new nick
    new nick  
    If you want Lovecraftian you should check out the tentacles in the classic dildos section. lol

    But yeah, you right about this one as well.
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