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The Girl Next Door? - If you lived in Love Canal!!

I REALLY wanted to like this toy. The Girl Next Door performed very well and on that basis alone I would give it 4-5 stars. However, the terrible smell and complicated care instructions really detract from this toy's allure.
Published:
Pros:
Feels Great - Soft and Squishy
Easy to Use
Cons:
Horrendous Smell
Lint/Dust/Dirt Magnet
Complicated Cleaning/Storage Instructions
Rating by reviewer:
2
extremely useful review

Use

Ok, here we go. Let me preface this (and the entire rest of the review!) by saying that these are entirely my opinions and the thoughts/opinions of any other sentient or semi-sentient beings are their own. This, in legalese, is known as a "disclaimer".

The Girl Next Door (heretofore known as "GND") is a male masturbator. It is a hand held and hand operated "pocket pussy" type toy designed to be used by men to, well, fuck their hand. Pretty simple concept really, lube it up, insert your dick and move the toy up and down to simulate making love to a woman. This toy will probably work best for people with penises, however, a woman or transgender person or anyone else who enjoys wearing a strap on cock could use this. To what result I don't know, but it could be done. What people like is their own business, so have at it! Jus' sayin'. The GND works by providing a "lifelike" looking and feeling artificial vagina (vag lite!) to stimulate your phallus to orgasm. The GND can be used anytime you would enjoy masturbating - home, car, beach - whether a quickie or a long session.


front

back
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Anywhere
    • Campus/roommate living
    • Tub/shower/pool
  • Features
    [ ? ]
    What kind of features does this product offer?
    • Travel friendly

Material / Texture

The GND is made of Pure skin/TPR according to the EF website and they give it a safety rating of "1". This is the lowest rating available, hence the most unsafe material in terms of cleaning, bacteria sustainability, and ease of handling/storing. This toy is only slightly less finicky about handling than warm nitroglycerin.

Pure skin, in the EF materials guide is given a rating of 1. TPR in the materials guide is given a rating of 7. Where does that leave our girl? The package states that this toy is made of TPR. The Eden Fantasys website says it is Pureskin/TPR. The manufacturer's site also says Pureskin/TPR. See here. There is some contradiction here. I think we have to go with the weakest link concept and give her a 1. The rest of the info presented will reflect that concept.

This is my first experience with this sort of material and will probably be my last. I received the package and trembling with excitement went to open it. As I bent in to take a sniff it was as though my face was slapped! I pulled away in revulsion! The smell was hideous. Indescribably hideous. Strong. Hideous. It smelled like pungent old crayons and paint and poisonous petrochemicals! This is muted understatement. There was NO WAY I was gonna put my precious dick in this! Well, maybe once.

Intrepid reviewer that I am I would like to be able to describe the taste to you, oh esteemed reader. However, I am not that brave. I look forward to hearing from any of you who perform this experiment.

The material did have a pleasant enough texture and heft to it. It was squishy yet firm. Sticky and tacky to the touch (ew). It has "nubs" inside the throat of the toy which add to the stimulation - these felt good on me and helped make the experience of using this more pleasurable.

inside

The material is very porous and difficult to keep clean. To its credit, the toy does not contain any phthalates and is latex free and hypoallergenic. Cal Exotics uses a "safe & pure" logo on their products which they say means:

Safe and Pure – California Exotic Novelties® is dedicated
to the use of safe and non-toxic materials in the production
of their products. Products with this designation are
either phthalate-free, or comply with European Directive
2005/84/EC regarding the safe use of softeners
(phthalates).

So, they have them or they don't. Maybe. Or maybe not, I'm very confused. Here is the link if you want to see: Link

I just touched it again while writing this review to remind myself of the texture and now the smell is on my hand. Past experience has shown me that vigorous washing with very hot water and soap is required to (mostly) remove the smell.
    • Sticky
    • Strong odor
    • Textured interior

Shape / Design / Size / Fit

The GND comes in three styles with three different shapes. See here: GND. I'm not sure why the different "races" of this toy have different shapes, but the black, brown and beige versions are all slightly different. I got the beige version, purely by chance rather than request. The product info claims a "vaginal" length of 5" and a width of 2 1/2". My measurements at home largely agree with these numbers.

length

width

The front of the toy is shaped to look like female genitalia and does a pretty good job of replicating it! There are labia and a clitoris and the look is really very appealing.

The material was very stretchy and easily accommodated the width of my erect penis. The hole is through the entire toy so our girl is bottomless. "The girl" sounded too informal, so I took to calling her Mona. (If you are named Mona please don't be upset, it could have just as easily been Claire or Priscilla or Nancy or something.) The length was short for me, but it worked fine and if I went too deep I just popped out the end - this really wasn't an issue. The design worked well, the nubs inside felt great on me and were noticeable. The outside is textured to provide a good grip, even when Mona was lubed up.

I imagine that this toy would be useable with good results for nearly every size cock. If you are so large as to break this , you oughta be in pictures!

This toy is not in the least subtle or discreet and could not be passed off as anything except what it is. If you are caught with this, just come clean. It will be easier. It is small enough to travel with and Mona doesn't even need her own ticket to go on a plane or to the movies.

Care and Maintenance

Care and maintenance of the Girl Next Door is a complicated, fussy ordeal. From the Eden Fantasys website we get the following:

"These materials are extremely porous, making it difficult to clean and easy for germs and dirt to hide. So protect them with a condom. Skin-like materials are extremely sensitive; they should be cleaned before and after every use with warm water and toy cleaner or antibacterial soap. These toys come dusted in a powdery material to maintain their unique texture, clean the toy thoroughly before first use. After each use, clean again and dust with a little cornstarch (not TALC which has been linked to cervical cancer) before storing to prevent the toy from becoming sticky. They should be stored individually in a dark, cool place. Store each toy separately in a plastic zip bag or thin sock because the porous surface can absorb dyes from other materials. These materials are also very incompatible with many substances. Contact with silicone-based lubricants, oil or petroleum based products will cause damages to the surface of the toy. Use only water based lubricants."

Source

Yeesh! I've had real girlfriends who were less demanding. This is the Hannibal Lecter of the toy materials world. Store in the dark?!?!? Really? Seriously, this material is one that does not play well with others. While I'm not willing to risk another (good) toy to check these incompatibility claims, we need a reasonable assumption as a starting point and this is it. I found that "Mona" is a SUPER lint/hair/dust magnet. Admittedly, it does clean up well with soap and hot water. In fact, after use, cleanup was easy and the entire toy can be turned inside out to give it a thorough scrubbing inside. I've used it only with water based lubes. I didn't powder this. Powdering is supposed to keep it from being sticky. I imagine only incineration would keep it from being sticky.

The manufacturer's website states that this toy is "Maintenance free".

I store it in a Ziploc bag by itself. In the dark. There, are you happy?
    • Difficult to store
    • High maintenance

Packaging

The packaging of the Girl Next Door was simple and utilitarian. There was a shiny cardboard box with product pictures and some ad copy. Inside the package the GND was sealed in a non-reuseable plastic wrapper that was festooned with "Made in China" stickers. Two stickers, so don't say you weren't warned.

wrapped

The wrapper contained a residue inside it which really made me uncomfortable. It's hard to see in this photo, but it was there. Some type of Chinese powder to keep it from getting sticky.

goo in wrapper

The GND is a simple enough toy to use, so a detailed instruction sheet is not included. The side of the box does include care instructions advising users to use only water based lubes and to wash before and after each use. The box states that any use of product for "medical purpose" is prohibited and we are cautioned that this toy is for external use only. I'm not sure the copy writers intended this to be as funny as I thought it was.

side

The inner wrap is not reusable and another bag for storage is needed. The box is brightly colored with a prominent picture on the front and so is not at all discreet. The packaging would be OK for a gift. The box works well as a temporary storage for the toy as long as the GND is placed into a baggie of some type first. Or, just throw it under the bed.
    • Not discreet

Experience

For me this section of the review is the most useful. How did it work for the consumer.

I enjoy masturbation. I am happily, monogamously married to a wonderful, sexy woman and we have a great sex life, but I still enjoy touching myself. For over 30 years this has been an activity that has NEVER failed to satisfy me. So, I eagerly awaited the arrival of this toy as I had never used anything like this before.

When this arrived in the mail I was very excited. Date night!! I couldn't wait to try it out. As mentioned earlier, Mona needed some help before I was ready to use her. She was a dirty girl so a good bath was needed. After lots of scrubbing with soap and hot water I was convinced she was clean enough. The awful smell was still there, though.

This Girl Next Door required no wining and dining and so we got right down to business. I applied a good portion of water based lube to my throbbing erection and slipped a bit of lube down the throat of the toy. It could not be "entered" in the traditional sense; I had to stretch the opening to accommodate my cock. I began to work the toy up and down along the shaft of my dick. It felt really good! The "nubs" in the toy really were noticeable and felt great, especially on the head of my penis. I was a bit long for the toy and did slide out the end, but this was not a problem and I could easily slip back in. This worked well with some variation in technique - depth of stroking, speed and varying the pressure I could apply with my hand. Sure enough, within a few short minutes - mission accomplished. Despite my initial misgivings the GND really lived up to the expectations I had for this type of toy.

Here is a photo of Mona relaxing after our "date" -

relaxing after

(Please note that no actual gametes were injured in the making of this photo)
Follow-up commentary
Ok, so as disgusting as this toy smells and notwithstanding its dubious Chinese manufacture, I have to admit that it DOES do the job well. I have used this several more times and really have enjoyed it. As I said in my review, it's a solid 4-5 stars without its serious drawbacks.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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This review was edited by
  • - Kira - - Kira -
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Comments
  • Bex1331
    Bex1331  
    Thanks for the great review, I really hate unsafe materials
  • edeneve
    edeneve  
    great review - lots of detail
  • BrittaniMaree
    BrittaniMaree  
    just used this last night on my husband want to play with it a little more before submitting my review on this you did a great good thank you hun
  • gabyduffy
    gabyduffy  
    great review
  • CaseyDeuce
    CaseyDeuce  
    Great review!! Love the pic!!
  • ToyBunny
    ToyBunny  
    This a hilarious review! Thanks for the laugh!
  • LuckyLady
    LuckyLady  
    Hahaha I LOL'd so hard! Great review, keep the laughs coming!
  • jeangel246
    jeangel246  
    Thanks for the review
  • sweetpea12
    sweetpea12  
    Thanks for the great review!
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