One armed bandit pump - penis pump by Doc Johnson - review by Kmonkey

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What happened to my cock?!

I used this toy for awhile because I do enjoy new sensations, and the pumping did get me horny, as well as erect. However, due to the many downsides I have listed below, I am glad I finally threw this one out. I may try more pumps in the future, but until they come out with the One Armed Bandit Pump MKII, I'm staying away from this toy.
Published:
Pros:
Gave me a massive erection, helps win cumming for distance contests.
Cons:
Erection is squishy, doesn't last long, leaves penis shaped weird.
Rating by reviewer:
2
useful review

Use

I had just barely turned twenty one when I ordered my very first sex toy. It was the Doc Johnson One Armed Bandit Pump and when I got it, I had no idea what to do with it, at first. Relatively simple, insert dick, pump.

The very first time I used it, it didn't really work out very well. The black rubber opening on the bottom of the tube was too small for even my relatively small penis to fit into without some kind of lube, that's actually the first time I used saliva as a lubricant. The seal that was supposed to form around my penis and keep the air from escaping didn't really work well with all the pubic hair I had at the time, but I played around with it a little and found out that by pressing it against me I could form kind of manual seal.

The pump was sort of a frustrating affair; it's sort of a dome with a plunger handle sticking out of it and a quick release valve button. I had a hard time using it at first, but once I got the hang of it, I started pumping. The interesting thing about this pump, combined with the amount of leakage, is that proper suction can take quite a while to form, but once it does start forming it comes along in a hurry. Now, with about fifteen to twenty five minutes with the one armed bandit fastened around my member and a constant vacuum formed around it I was experiencing an AMAZING erection, but it hurt. Maybe I did it too fast, maybe skin's just not supposed to stretch that much but it was painful on my cock (a little) and around the base where the skin had started to be sucked up into the tube (much more painful). I pressed the quick release valve and tried to pull it off, and discovered why having a narrow opening on a penis enlarger is a bad idea... I couldn't get the damn thing off. My member had swollen so much that I actually could not remove my penis. I was terrified, thinking it might never come off. I ended up removing the black rubber from the red plastic and stretching the rubber around my penis and spitting all over it, trying to get it wet enough to slide out. Having finally succeeded, I stared down at my penis in amazement. About half an inch from the base, it had swollen to tremendous (to me) portions. I took it in my hands and was amazed at the difference to both girth and length. Almost immediately after, I began beating off let loose a load of cum that shot out at least six feet. I actually had to wipe off my door that night for fear of unusual staining. It didn't last anywhere near as I would have liked, but it felt pretty good just jacking off with a bigger cock than normal. So I fell asleep and woke up the next morning ready to go to the bathroom, and my poor penis looked... lopsided, is the best word for it. My penis had shrunk, as they do, but the blood was still trapped in a ring around my head. For the second time in twenty four hours I was terrified I had broken my penis. And it stayed that way for a full day. It was as uncomfortable as anything I can imagine. Luckily, it returned to normal and was no worse for the wear. With subsequent uses I found a timing that fit for me personally and, luckily, didn't have any repeats of the first night's epic failures. I think that was due more to me working with the toy than to any merit the toy might have, as far as ease of use goes.

Material / Texture

I didn't experience any kind of interesting sensory experiences really. No interesting smells no weird tastes. The base is a firmer feel to it can pinch large, medium, and some small units.

Shape / Design / Size / Fit

I liked the design of the tube. It was clear and gave me the ability to see my penis expanding which is always a kinky little twist to an evening either solo or with a partner.

I would definitely figure out some other kind of opening for the entrance, maybe one that gets tighter with suction instead of staying tight from the beginning. This is an easy pump to learn on, though a little frightening for my first time with a pump and maybe not the right size for the average user. It's long, and a little unwieldy, so it can be difficult to hide from prying eyes and it takes up rather a large amount of space in a suitcase or an underwear drawer.

Functions / Performance / Controls

This toy performs just like advertised, it will give you an erection. That erection may even be slightly bigger than normal. But it won't last long and leaves your penis looking funny in the morning. You get incredible erections for a short time, with an interesting, albeit slightly painful sensation, during the actual pumping. I ended up throwing mine away because I was afraid of doing lasting damage to my penis. I never experienced it with water, but can't imagine it would work very well as the pump is an air based plunger design.

Care and Maintenance

If you come inside the toy, be prepared to spend a few minutes cleaning it up. Putting it in the dishwasher works great for the tube, but the hose, the plunger and the rubber seal all need much more attention in order to be cleaned properly. I used soap and water and got it clean with a few minutes scrubbing with an old dish towel.
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Comments
  • Maiden
    Maiden  
    Great Review! I've always wondered about these, seems a little too complicated to be fun.
  • 2BudZ
    2BudZ  
    Penith stuck inside!? Yikes! That's enough to stear me away.
  • Kmonkey
    Kmonkey  
    With further use Maiden, or maybe a different type of pump it would have been okay, this is just my experience with my very first pump.
    I'm actually really looking forward to trying again.
  • Kmonkey
    Kmonkey  
    Also 2budz, Yes, terrifying. Basically what happened is that my saliva for lube job dried up in the tube and there wasn't enough slickness or give to get me out again.
  • Maiden
    Maiden  
    Yeah, you need to buy some good lube. It makes all the difference with toys.
  • TastieStacie
    TastieStacie  
    LOL Although your experience was far from magical I couldn't help laughing. I have had toy misfortunes so I totally feel your pain. Hopefully you have better luck in the future. Great review Smile
  • Kmonkey
    Kmonkey  
    Looking back on it now I do laugh everytime I think about it.
    Maybe that should be a forum topic... toy misfortune's
  • angel142stx
    angel142stx  
    Thanks for the review
  • Jennysweets
    Jennysweets  
    good review
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