The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women - book by Cleis Press Inc. - review by P'Gell

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A Disappointing and Disturbing Read Lacking in Fact and Biased Against Men and Others

Aside from a few chapters that touched on actual orgasm, with a few good line drawings, the book does not live up to its promise to help women “become orgasmic for a lifetime.” It is biased and not factually based. There are better books on orgasm without the agenda and fierce dislike of men, misunderstanding of long term relationships and biases against heterosexuality this book betrays.
Published:
Pros:
Some good diagrams and some descriptions of different types of orgasms.
Cons:
Biased against men, heterosexual women, monogamy, anti-intimacy, not about orgasm in most places.
Rating by reviewer:
1
extremely useful review

About author

Mikaya Heart describes herself as a "writer, speaker, life coach and explorer."
    • Biased

Content / Style / Audience

One would assume that this book is about orgasms, how to have them, how to confront problems with them, how they occur and actual proven statistics about sexuality and female orgasm. One would hope this book would help women who have orgasmic difficulties with fact, promise and actual advice and evidence for that advice.

Sadly, this is not the underlying basis of the book. The crux of the book seems to be how men are poor lovers, how “only” lesbians have satisfying sex lives and how men have ruined the planet for all of us. The title does not belie any of these other agendas.

Many readers will be stunned by these insinuations and complete outward hostilities toward men in general and hostilities towards female heterosexuals by association.

Lesbian love is beautiful and I am sure quite satisfying for some women. However, to make assumptions that “only 29 percent of women in heterosexual relationships regularly have orgasms” while “83% of women in lesbian relationships have orgasms with their partners” is not only not supported by the majority of well respected data, it is a slap in the face of women who, for whatever reason, do enjoy having sex with men, and a direct assault on men in general.

The Chapter names sound good, but most do not live up to their promise. The Forward contained a lot of psychobabble reminiscent of “Women’s Encounter Groups” of the 70s, which Heart seems to idolize and frequently laments the death of.

1) Sexual Play; one of the few chapters that actually goes into detail of sex and orgasm.
2) What Works and What Doesn’t does have some good line drawings of female outer and inner sex organs, and descriptions of these body parts. But the majority of the anecdotes (and this book is full of anecdotes in place of actual researched information) describe lesbian sex, to the near exclusion of heterosexual sex. Some of the data is helpful, but little of it is actually researched beyond anecdotes and constant proclamations of what “many women” say, do or experience, with only anecdote to show for these ideas. I have no idea how exactly how many the word “many” represents or what percentage of women, and neither does anyone else. This tactic is often used when an author wants to make assumptions and has no actual number or proof of what they want to “prove.”
3) The Physical Experience of Orgasm does go into some experience of different types of orgasm, and seems to deliver what it promises, but this is the chapter where things do start to go downhill. Starting with the nearly complete dismissal of monogamous, heterosexual relationships.
4) The Energetic Experience of Orgasm contains a lot of New Age ideas and psychobabble, mixed with some helpful data. Sifting through the mix, removing the chaff from the wheat is a nearly impossible task by this point in the book.

The book then moves on to “Elusive Orgasms” which could have been a good chapter, if nearly all orgasmic difficulties hadn’t been blamed on men. Most sexual orgasm problems are simply not addressed or solved in this chapter. The chapter on early experiences and masturbation is interesting, but again the biases interrupt what could have been a good read. The chapter on relationships was so confusing, and so contradictory that this reviewer could barely get through it.
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Not for pre-orgasmic women
  • General
    [ ? ]
    Other tags that are useful and descriptive for this product.
    • Biased
    • Non-factual information presented as fact

Design

The book is soft cover with glossy paper. A picture of a nude woman lying on her back is shown, but with no breasts or genitals showing. The paper was of average paperback quality and the binding was average.
    • Diagrams / photos included
    • Soft cover

Experience

Other comments (few of them related to orgasm, as the book implies it would do) blame the male of the human species for everything from destruction of the planet to women feeling they “have to” have orgasms with their male partners or at least fake it, in many cases according to this book to avoid physical harm. I have no idea where Mikaya Heart gets her information, but it is not supported by data, research nor does the majority of the book help those who may buy the book to help them have better, stronger or more intense orgasms or to help them have orgasms at all!

A chapter on “Penetration and the G Spot” which tells us, without reservation “Penetration is not essential. With the anecdote “I had intercourse with a lot of guys and it was a real waste of time.” How insulting! Sorry, Mikaya, many don’t feel this way. She then goes on and on an on about how she (like “most” women) had to “learn” to like penetration, and it took her years, and then tells us stories of women who have such strong vaginas that they hurt men with them. The subtext and near joy of her exclamation of women sexually hurting men will not be lost on many.

By the time she gets to chapters on ejaculation, fisting, anal sex, the “purpose of orgasm” many will have either joined the author in her Man Hating Hunt or simply lost interest in this book ever being able to help them.


While both lesbians and heterosexuals need their issues addressed in a book that is supposed to be about female orgasm, this reviewer actually felt left out, by the overwhelming assumption of the author that lesbian sex is far superior to heterosexual sex. In the anecdotes which denote sexual preference, lesbian experiences are much more represented (at least 30% more of them) than heterosexual experiences. Seeing as somewhere between only 3% and 10% of the female population is lesbian, this is overwhelmingly biased against heterosexual women, not to mention their partners.

Later in the book, New Age ideas are expressed ad infinitum. “Energy” is talked about, but not really explained, to an excessive degree, while barely touching on orgasm, chakras are idolized as if medical fact, and many things which are theories are presented as if they are scientific fact. In stark contrast to this, Tantric sex is downplayed and even ridiculed. I wondered why and then realized that most Tantric sex entails heterosexual relations, which the author has serious issues with.

Heart tells us she is going to talk about “the difference between Extended Orgasms and Multiple Orgasms” and then never defines exactly what the difference between these two phenomenon are.

Heart also contradicts herself quite a bit. She seems to not only have issues with men and heterosexual relations, but also often rails against monogamy and even intimacy.

She actually says “Intimacy seems to wreck sex.” Yet a few pages later she says “’many women have unsatisfying sex lives…because they have problems relating to their partners.” She then goes on to say that most sex is better without monogamy and that “the sexual connection and pleasure may benefit from independence” meaning, from her context, and the anecdotes, she assumes and tells us that not being in a relationship makes for better sex. She also declares “All relationships are games.” She then equates all long term monogamous relationships with the “need to control one’s partner.” It is then stated as fact that “successful long term relationships usually cease to be sexual.” I have NO idea where Heart gets her ideas, but many of them are not based in fact or research.

Her personal lack of ability to have a long term relationship and obvious hatred of men should not have been turned into a book on “Orgasm.” Perhaps she could have written a manifesto, but not a book that women may look to for help, only to be insulted, made to feel inferior for simply being heterosexual, and told half truths about sex and relationships and then may walk away with their orgasm issues still unaddressed.

The book goes on like this, little said about actual orgasm, most of the book relying on anecdotes and “many women say” vagueness. Equating penetration with “giving in and wanting no more” and “not being able to take it” and making the assumptions that most women simply do not like being penetrated may be the author’s personal preference, but to present these ideas as fact is simply disingenuous.

She then says “Lesbians are more likely to have orgasms than heterosexual women.” I nearly stopped reading here. Sex is sex, no matter who one chooses for a partner. Disrespecting heterosexual love and sex, and making men the root of all evil does not belong in a book that most would assume is simply going to teach them to have easier, more reliable and more intense orgasms.

There is too much in this book that betrays Mikayla Heart’s own personal biases, and she would have done better to either leave them at the door, or to have put them in another book.

I think “many women” (a term the author uses liberally to “prove her point” again and again, with no actual numbers) will find this book disappointing and even insulting. I found myself becoming not only angry but disappointed with a book that could have helped so many, if properly written, left blame on men at the door, and relied more on research and fact than supposition and biasedly chosen anecdotes.

There are other, better books which actually spend most of their pages talking about… orgasm. This one, sadly, does not.
Follow-up commentary
I did go back and try to read portions of this book.

As I said, the few chapters on how orgasm works and the female anatomy were good. But, I knew the "agenda" was there and it made me uncomfortable to be able to continue reading it again and again.

I do wish a really great book on orgasm was released (I Love Female Orgasm is OK, but it doesn't address orgasm issues enough, nor does it even touch on the orgasms of maturing women). I think a good orgasm book would be an asset.

But, this one simply is too biased, to anti-male and anti-hetero for me to feel comfortable reading it or even giving it away to someone else.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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Comments
  • darkkitty
    darkkitty  
    Thank you for saving me time and money!
  • FruityCloudPuff
    FruityCloudPuff  
    Thank you for this really detailed review!
  • Aydios
    Aydios  
    I appreciate your honesty
  • P'Gell
    P'Gell  
    Thank you for reading and givng me you honest opinions, too.

    It kind of surprises me that many who have actually read this book didn't "get" the not so subtle anti-man, anti-hetero, anti-commitment propaganda this book so openly espouses.
  • Missmarc
    Missmarc  
    Great review, thank you!
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