Official Friday The 13th Parody by Zero Tolerance - review by Alicia

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Aaah, not the flesh eating jizz!! RUN!

If you're a fan of the actual Friday the 13th movies this movie is worth a shot. Be aware though, it's not big on the horror at all, so if you're expecting a suspenseful thriller, you'll likely be let down. Keep in mind that this is a parody and is meant to be fun, not really scary. The sex scenes are good, though not the best out there. Sara Sloane rocks it as Suzy, she was my favorite character by far!
Published:
Pros:
Fun, some decent sex scenes,
Cons:
Lacking in the horror department, some sex scenes lacked chemistry
Rating by reviewer:
3
extremely useful review


We've all heard of Friday the 13th, right? I mean who doesn’t know about Jason Voorhees and how he drowned in the lake at Camp Crystal Lake and then returned to seek vengeance by going on a murderous rampage? Of course things happen a little different in this story. See, young Jason had a problem. When he’d cum his cock wouldn’t get smaller and relax, it’d get larger and larger! Unfortunately this led to his ultimate demise as he drowned in Crystal Lake, weighed down by his massive cock. Legend is he now comes back to get his revenge by killing people with his fermented, flesh eating jizz!!

In this parody Camp Crystal Lake is a nudist camp that's been empty for a while, but now there’s a new Camp Director, Kyle, who has just inherited the camp and hired on some new recruits to get things started. I think that they might all have the wrong idea about what a nudist camp is, since they all talk about how there’s going to be orgies and fetish rooms and will be sleeping with everyone. That’s not really what Nudism is all about, but hey let’s not split hairs!

Now, I have to admit as much as I was looking forward to watching this parody I was a bit worried. I love horror and I love porn, but do I love the two together? I really wasn’t sure and was afraid of how the kill scenes might take place. I was envisioning full on gore, but there was hardly any blood at all and the kill scenes were more comedic than they were scary. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that I didn’t have blood and guts interrupting the sex scenes themselves, but I do wish that the movie had more horror to it. All you would see is the camera viewed from behind Jason’s mask and then the jizz flying at screaming naked people. I’d have liked it a lot better if they could have added some chase and then actual slasher movie style kill scenes. The sex scenes were also for the most part pretty ordinary, though I wouldn’t call them bad. They really just weren’t enough to hold my attention. I’ll briefly run through each scene to give you a break down.

Scene 1: Courtney Cummz and Mr. Pete- Courtney is clearly in charge here bossing him around and making him her slave. This scene does have an anal scene too, albeit brief. I actually did like this scene; it held my attention pretty well. There was oral for both, varying sex positions, and ends with Mr. Pete cumming in her mouth. Afterward in comes Jason and ends their after sex relaxation by spraying them with his flesh eating jizz.

Scene 2: Asa Akara and Rocco Reed- Rocco’s character is scared of bugs, and before the sex scene they show Asa rubbing him down with bug spray, sexy no? This sex scene was also kind of hot, though it did get a bit boring and predictable. They start by undressing each other; did you know Rocco doesn’t wear underpants in the woods? You’d think he would, being scared of bugs and all. I know I for one would want as much protection in that area as possible! Anyway, the two get it on; they have decent chemistry but nothing special. After Rocco cums on Asa’s stomach she decides to take a bath and Rocco lies on the mat and take a rest. Of course Jason is nearby and this is the one time he decides not to use his fermented jizz to kill. He skewers Rocco through the neck, though it is extremely quick. Blink (or look away) and you will miss it. We then switch to Asa in the bath. She’s standing in the bath and she seems nervous. She has good reason to be, because Jason is on the prowl. He comes in, and the camera turns away but you hear her scream. When the camera returns you just see blood down the drain, apparently the flesh eating jizz works quick!



Scene 3: Kagney Linn Karter and Carlo Cerrara- This scene is a flashback from the 70s, showing what happened to Jason to make him the monster he is today. Basically Kagney Linn’s character tries to pick up young Jason and he explains his situation with the ever growing monster cock. She doesn’t believe him and propositions him to show her. It's pretty tame sex, but decent; I also didn’t feel much chemistry between these two. Once they finish Kagney Linn gets to see firsthand just what Jason was talking about as his cock continues to grow.
Experience
Continued from above:

Scene 4: Brooklyn Lee, Mark Wood and Brooke Lee Adams- The threesome scene! The three are camp employees who are playing a game of “Stripopoly” and get bored and decided to just go ahead and get it on. I normally like threesome scenes but was less than blown away by this one. It had its good points, but the chemistry between the girls was seriously lacking. At one point Mark Wood is behind Brooke Lee Adams doggy-style and she’s giving Brooklyn Lee oral. Her oral is mediocre at best, and most of the time Brooklyn is taking matters into her own hands. I think the girl on girl action could have been played up a lot better here. At the end Mark cums into both of their mouths and then the three sit back and relax. In walks Jason and the three think that he wants a turn. The girls see his massive cock and are more than willing, to which I have to say “really?? Really?? I know it’s big but..Really?? That thing is decrepit!!” Jason is clearly not there for sexy time, I mean heck he’s already been jacking off and blowing his flesh eating load on campers all night! The man is tired and he’s obviously just here to kill. This is the most comedic kill scene by far.

Scene 5: Here we are back with Suzy and Kyle (Sara Sloane and Kris Slater): They’ve been talking all night and have already decided that based on the rules of Horror movies they should be ok since they haven’t had sex yet. They hear a noise and go investigate. Eventually they find Jason’s room and as they’re leaving there Jason sneaks up behind them. They go to grab a door and his massive cock gets stuck. At this point Kyle chops it off and they declare the camp saved. But come on now, if they’ve read the horror movie rules they also should know that the killer is NEVER REALLY DEAD! That’s like horror movie 101! Anyway, they decide to go celebrate and get it on. This scene is also pretty hot, and is one I’d likely watch again. It’s still primarily the standard porn sex: Oral for each, vaginal sex and Kyle cumming on Suzy’s stomach. They then relax into their blissful slumber, expecting that all is right in the world and the curse has been broken.

Has it though? Anyone who is a fan of horror movies knows that it’s not much of a spoiler to say that Jason isn’t really dead. I mean really, how many movies were there?? I’d say this was a fun, campy film. It’s not really what I would consider Horror, not even on porn standards, but I liked it.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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Comments
  • Penguin
    Penguin  
    Nice job alicia!
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