Official Basic Instinct Parody by Zero Tolerance - review by Kindred

The Official Basic Instinct Parody is a Zero Tolerance production directed by Gary Orona. This X-rated version of the original film is a dramatic, sometimes dark, parody. Breanne Benson plays the femme fatale Catherine Trammel, and Michael Vegas plays Nick Curran, the cop infatuated with her. Nick is investigating a murder in which Ms. Trammel is the prime suspect. The plot of this film mirrors that of the original; a murder is committed and the police are convinced they know the culprit. The only problem is they can’t prove it. There are twists and turns as the story evolves, and although the ending is somewhat predictable, you can’t help but wonder, “What the hell was he thinking!”

The film opens with the murder. Catherine is riding her rock star fuck partner and ties his hands to the bed frame. Without warning, she menacingly raises an ice pick over her head, much to the rocker’s surprise. Cut to the cops in the bedroom, with the dead body, talking about the case. Immediately you see that two cops, Curran and Nielson (Ryan McLane), don’t get along, and that’s putting it mildly. But they piece together that Catherine was a regular guest of the dead man. So they head over to her house (how do porns get the most beautiful houses to film in?) and question her about her whereabouts. Her “bitch,” Roxy (Lexi Belle), provides an alibi, but the cops see right through it. As the cops leave, Nick lingers outside the front door, staring at Catherine as she stands in front of him in sheer lingerie before she heads upstairs.

At seven and a half minutes in, Catherine and Roxy go at it. The first few minutes are all about fondling breasts and kissing, and then Roxy performs oral as Catherine remains standing. They switch after moving to the floor while the fingering continues on Roxy. The scene lasts almost fifteen minutes and at times drags. The sex is unimaginative and straightforward. One thing to note in this scene is the music. It consists of loud banging drums which create an anxious mood as if something is about to happen and yet nothing ever does.
Back at the police station, the tension mounts between Nick and Nielson as the two discuss the case, along with another cop Gus (Will Powers). They discover that the murder with the ice pick mimics a storyline in one of Catherine’s books. So she is brought in for questioning, and here we have the recreation of the scene Sharon Stone made famous with the spread of her legs. As she is being questioned, she gets under Nick’s skin with her looks and comments. She toys with him like a cat plays with a mouse before the kill.

Nick goes home, only to find the police psychiatrist, Dr. Beth Garner (Lyla Storm) in his living room, waiting for him. She is there to counsel him as he is being investigated himself by Internal Affairs. He is suspected of being a sex addict after fucking six girls in a week, while on duty. Nick complains to the doc that he has had an erection all day because of Catherine. She wants to see it, and at thirty-one minutes in, we have our second sex scene. She begins to dance seductively (to hard core music) and begins to strip. After three minutes, all her clothes are off and Nick is on her like a cat in heat. He begins with oral while she sits on the table, and he really sucks her clit. They switch around and she goes down on him while he is seated, then standing. There is PIV, both her on top and him from behind, and after almost eighteen minutes, he comes on her face. They talk afterwards about what got him so hot and bothered, and he mentions Catherine by name. Dr. Garner reveals she fucked her in college, and that pisses Nick off, so he kicks her out (classy).

Nielson and Curran argue again, and to blow off steam Nielson goes into an interrogation room, where he finds a prostitute (Francesca Le) waiting to be questioned. She undresses for a strip search, but Nielson rejects her advances, claiming he’s a Christian man, a good boy. She convinces him that he wants her, and for sixteen minutes, the two go at it in the most varied and entertaining sex scene of the movie. The only thing in the room is a chair and the two of them, and they definitely take full advantage of the chair while displaying great flexibility. Although there is nothing risqué or over the top in terms of sex, the two seem to have a good chemistry and are fun to watch.

Back at the station we surprisingly learn that Nielson is dead, and Nick is suspended pending an investigation into his death. He goes home and is caught jacking off to porn when Dr. Garner walks in. He reveals he wants to fuck all three suspects in the rock star’s murder; her, Catherine, and Roxy. He explains why all three are suspects, and that pisses her off, and she leaves. Back to the station, only two cops remain on duty, Gus and the Captain (Brandi Aniston). And what is there to do besides solve murders but to show each other his/her junk. Bam. She moves on him as her clothes come off. And for fifteen minutes, there is more of the same sex, basic oral and PIV. In fact, the sequence of positions is very similar to scene two, with a desk instead of a coffee table. He eventually comes on her face, and back to work they go.

A twist in the case is revealed, the murder is explained, and Catherine is no longer a suspect. The sexual tension that has been building throughout the investigation reaches a climax as Nick pays a visit to Catherine’s house and gives in to his desires. Catherine is expecting him, waiting naked on the couch. They quickly move to the bedroom, where for some reason there are no sheets on the bed. She begins by stroking his cock and continues to rub him all over, teasing him endlessly. She eventually unleashes his cock and goes down on him. He penetrates from behind, and then while she’s on top. He stands before her and after fifteen minutes, he comes on her chest. Then we see her hand move backward and grab….an ice pick (Surprise? Not!).

The title of this movie is Official Basic Instinct Parody, but when I think of parody, I think of humor. And honestly, there is nothing funny about this movie; it is dramatic and somewhat tense. Basic Instinct XXX would have been a more appropriate title. The sex itself is basic, offering nothing but straight girl on girl and four different couples having sex in much the same manner. Therefore, it becomes very repetitive, and at times boring. And I don’t know if this was intentional given the setting in the eighties, but the heavy eye make-up and slicked back hair made the actors unattractive and sleazy looking. The movie is a good attempt at retelling the original story, but as far as porn goes, it really didn’t do much for me.

There's just too much about this movie that I did not care for. I thought the acting was poor, the sex scenes were boring, and I was not turned on by the actors at all. I really don't see us watching this particular movie again.