Fifty Shades of Terrible- Spoiler

This is part one of a three-part series of poorly written BDSM novels. They follow an overpowering, control-freak millionaire and a weak, submissive, recent college graduate that engage in a Dom/sub relationship. The sexual inaccuracies and terrible characters will drive you crazy, but the glaring typos, misspelled words, and poor grammar may drive you crazy first.
Published:
Pros:
Someone gave me the series, so I didn't pay for them
Cons:
Sexual Inaccuracies
Terrible Characters
Poor grammar/spelling
Bad depiction of BDSM relationships
Rating by reviewer:
1
extremely useful review
This book, written by EL James, was a waste of time. I am thankful I'm a fast reader because I would hate to have invested more time into this trilogy than I already did. I had no interest in reading them during the initial explosion of popularity because I heard so much about them being poorly written. However, they were given to me, so I figured I would read them. I was left highly dissatisfied. Throughout the series are grammatical errors and numerous misspellings and typos, which should have been caught by the author/editor/someone/anyone.

The book starts out rather fairytale-like. Clumsy, dorky Anastasia Steele, wearing ill-fitting clothing literally TRIPS into mega-rich and handsome Christian Grey's office for an interview. She is nervous and awkward and it sounds like she butchers the interview altogether, as she was only filling in for her sick friend.

Then Grey starts showing up places where Steele is like the local hardware store where she works (creepy) where he bought things like zip-ties and rope (creepier). She sees him a few more times and he finally picks her up from a bar when she is drunk and takes her back to his hotel where he lectures her for getting drunk. This is the first big indicator of control issues.

They go to his apartment, he shows her his BDSM "playroom" and asks her if she would like to participate in the BDSM lifestyle with him. He presents her with a contract and while awkwardly discussing her limits, she reveals to him that she is a virgin and has barely ever been kissed, therefore has no idea what her limits might be. He is enraged and goes and has sex with her immediately. Twice. She cums several times. Of course. She touches a penis with her hands for the first time the next morning and then immediately jumps into oral with deep-throat. He cums almost immediately. Because she was so good at it. Riiight.

She returns home and begins to really consider the contract he has asked her to live by, which includes things like a strict diet and workout regimen, clothing requirements, her to live at his apartment on the weekends only but in her own room, etc. She starts to freak out and avoids him until she runs into him at her college graduation, where he is the guest speaker. After being reunited with him, she agrees to the contract and subsequent change in lifestyle.

It works for a short amount of time and they engage in occasional BDSM until one day she asks him how extreme the playing could get. He beats her with a belt and makes her count out loud and it leaves her devastated. She cries and he apologies and she says she is in love with him, which in turn, makes him freak out. She collects her things and leaves his apartment to return to hers. The book ends there, with Grey and Steele "broken up."
Experience
The first part of the book is very slow and boring. Steele's "inner goddess" (subconscious) appears at every turn to cheer her on or whatever the situation needs. That was very annoying. There are a lot of instances where the author uses one word sentences to try to add emphasis, ie Grey saying to Steele, "I. Want. You. So. Bad." That gets pretty old pretty quickly. The author, EL James, also rarely uses any sort of real terms for body parts...not medical terms, not regular anatomical names, not even slang. Steele refers to her vagina as "down there" and "my sex" but never simply MY VAGINA.

I have not read or seen Twilight but I understand this was Twilight fan fiction...I have no idea if they are similar or not, but other reviews I have seen indicate that they are very similar.

I did not find much of this book to be arousing, mostly because as I read, my mind was overtaken by the sexual inaccuracies. I think it's pretty rare that you climax the very first time someone touches your breasts, as you're losing your virginity and every single time after that. Or that you just put your mouth on a man's penis the very first time you ever see one and deep throat it like a "goddess," making him explode almost instantly? It's actually hard to focus because it is SO inaccurate.

What I did not like even more about this book, however, was the characters. Grey is a borderline insane control-freak with wild mood swings and Steele is an awkward, insecure, weak mouse of a human. I hate both characters. I hate him for being so overpowering and I hate her for being so weak. I think this series and these characters are horrible depictions of BDSM relationships and participants.
Follow-up commentary
Although I am an avid reader, I would not re-read this series for anything. In hindsight, I feel like the time I spent reading these poorly written books was a colossal waste of time and I have no better understanding of what the hype was all about when they first came out.
This content is the opinion of the submitting contributor and is not endorsed by EdenFantasys.com
Become a Reviewer. Get free toys. Enjoy Special Deals
Do you like this review?
Comments
  • MrsandMrbunnysoffun
    MrsandMrbunnysoffun  
    Thanks ever so much for the helpful review
  • Hallmar82
    Hallmar82  
    Tell us how you really feel, haha!
  • PeaceToTheMiddleEast
    PeaceToTheMiddleEast  
    I agree I was given this free to read online as well and I made it to chapter 8 and that is it. I have all three of them just sitting for me to read some time in the way near future. Thanks for sharing!
  • Pixel
    Pixel  
    Bwahahahaha! I loved the bluntness of your review, especially your only 'pro'. I don't plan on reading these unless I am forced at gun point, so thank you for a fabulous review to confirm that I am making the right decision.
  • Lildrummrgurl7
    Lildrummrgurl7  
    Thanks for the review.
  • misskat
    misskat  
    You're welcome everyone! Thanks for reading
Forum
Discussion Posts Last Update
50 Shades of Grey, Remind you of anything? 9
When reading 50 Shades of Grey... 20
Thank you for viewing Fifty Shades of Grey: Book One – erotic fiction review page!