I Love Female Orgasm - guides to a better sex by Marlowe&Company - review by Owl Identified

Of late, I have been screening many cliche riddled, clumsy how-to guides and everything-you-need-to-know-about manuals in search of a good introductory book for a younger sister. Something that won't intimidate her too much - for example, a book with a whole chapter evaluating the merits of a wide variety of anal plugs - but something that won't insult her intelligence. In these screenings I ask of each book the same questions. Is this information well researched, accurate and/or the most current on the subject? Is this book's tone didactic, or relatively impartial and considerate of alternative view points? Finally, is this full of practical exercises, experiments and approaches to real life issues, concerns and areas of interest, or vague conventional wisdom?

For me, these were the standards by which I have been judging (and failing) most books I've read. But I ♥ Female Orgasm really did exceed my expectations, at least as far as an Intro To Female Pleasure kind of book goes. Contrary to what the title may lead you to believe, this is not a position book full of self-proclaimed magic strokes and instant orgasms "spots". I ♥ Female Orgasm instead concisely addresses the rudiments of the female body's orgasm. The basics include: what an orgasm is, how to know when you've had one, methods of masturbation, use of toys, the difference between clitoral and G-spot orgasms (and how anal sex can compliment or enhance those forms of orgasm), heterosexual intercourse and myths regarding orgasm during the act, oral sex, anal sex, a man's role in female orgasm, STI/pregnancy prevention, and a slightly contradictory and incomplete note on the LGBT community.

All of these subjects are explained thoroughly enough to have a fundamental understanding of what they are, though certainly not enough to consider yourself "well versed" in them after reading this single book by itself. The authors do address common questions and misconceptions surrounding these subjects, and dispel some of the more popular (and toxic) myths surrounding female orgasm. This is certainly something to the authors' credit; I feel that correcting old misinformation is just as much a goal for the writers as providing useful new information. The tone is warm, conversational and encouraging - very much that of many "sex positive" 101 books that aim to ease you into a topic you may know little to nothing about. However, if you consider yourself well read on the topic of the female orgasm, this book will likely not tell you much you don't already know.

Rather than attempt to cover everything in this book, I want to touch on a few of my favorite moments and my least favorite moments (can you tell I prefer depth rather than bredth in my literature?)

Easily the few pages in the book that had me most giddy and glowing was the section on faked orgasms. Oh sure, plenty of guides will tell you how you are supposed to have one, but what about the massive number of people out there that are currently or have in the past faked them? What happens when you get stuck in a cycle of pretending something feels good when it actually doesn't, and you don't know how to correct it? There are a few pages in this that address this very honestly and directly, and to me I find them to be the most groundbreaking. It provides advice for female bodied folks in how to have dialogue with partners that care too much if they get off and therefore put too much pressure on. It advises partners in how to be gracious if they learn their partner has been faking, and how to have a productive dialogue about the faking. Heck, for this section alone I'll be glad to pass this one down to my sister. It's full of invaluable tips that so many female bodied folks can use, because there is often so much pressure to orgasm during sex and significantly less pressure for partners to actually tune in and listen to what's going on with you down there.

The second aspect of the book - which happily accounts for more than just a few pages, but rather a good chunk of the book - is learning to troubleshoot your orgasms. Maybe you're not having one at all, or maybe your plateau phase (the period during which you are approaching orgasm, the "almost there" phase) drags on and on, or maybe you can only have an orgasm in a specific position and you want to expand your repertoire. I ♥ Female Orgasm helps assess possible causes and suggests a variety of possible solutions to a wide range of orgasm related woes. It also includes a shorter period for male bodied folks who may be having issues of their own with achieving orgasm in the way they desire (or at all). Again, I appreciate this approach and this information because a good arsenal of sex know-how doesn't just include positions and body part diagrams; it includes an understanding of and means of solving a variety of associated concerns. Yet another reason why in spite of it being rather rudimentary, I still enjoyed reading this book.

Unfortunately, the book uses a somewhat clunky and limited vocabulary that assumes most of its readers will be cissexual, heterosexual female-identified folks. However, this book is titled "I ♥ Female Orgasm", not "I ♥ Cissexual, Heterosexual Female Orgasm". For this reason, many trans folks who may identify with the term "female" in some way or another, could probably use a lot of the information in this book (trans men with "female" bodies, trans women looking for insight into their cissexual female partner, etc) may feel alienated or discounted by the language. Additionally, most of the scenarios regarding partners do assume cis, hetero couples are involved. There are some brief notes on LGBT folks, but they are more parenthetical allusions than central, active players in this world of "female" orgasm. For this reason, I found the book a bit troubling. The authors claim it uses this limited vocabulary because the English language lacks "widely understood" terms that enable the inclusion LGBT folks - and that we should "bear with" them while they use clunky language. That doesn't cut it for me. Most English language cultures also lack informed, productive discourses on healthy sex, but these authors are changing that reality every day. So wile you're defining "G-spot" and "prostate", why not also define "female bodied" and put it into regular rotation in the book, instead of occasionally nodding in its general direction?

Additionally, I felt the discussion on STIs should have been much more in depth. The variety of STIs out there were described in limited detail, and the authors assumed readers did not come to this book with pre-existing STIs. If this were to be a truly stellar book, it would include a section for those wishing to have orgasms while simultaneously dealing with, for example, herpes or genital wart outbreaks. It might also include more information on what are red flags that mean you should hustle to a doctor or free clinic to get checked out. This is another topic where there was some good information, but not nearly enough.