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Innocence Lost: ToyGeek's First Porno

Having never sat down and watched a full length porn movie before, I didn't know what to expect, but I found the experience both fun and arousing, and definitely recommend this film to anyone looking for a bit of fun.
Published:
Pros:
Beautiful people, great chemistry, amusing premise, surprisingly good acting.
Cons:
Historical anachronisms.
Rating by reviewer:
5
extremely useful review
Content / Style / Audience

The Official Friday the 13th Parody from Zero Tolerance is an entertaining and sexy film geared toward heterosexual couples or individuals. The often sexually-oriented and sometimes campy humor really adds to the viewing experience. There's not quite enough plot to justify adding it to a horror movie viewing party, as sexual activity occupies a vast majority of the screen time, but there's almost enough plot to give viewers a bit of a breather between sex scenes.

As for the nature of the sex scenes, there are plenty of deliciously attractive individuals of both genders enjoying a moderate variety of sexual activity. Once the audience meets the beautiful young heroine, and learns the slightly ridiculous horror-movie premise through a bit of exposition, the first erotic scene begins.

Our first couple features a gorgeous young blonde woman dressed only in decorative chains, and her male pet, who sports a gas mask. She verbally dominates him throughout the scene, and while true BDSM fans very well might miss the inclusion of bondage or more extreme play, the couple has good chemistry, and as a viewer I found them very believable and realistic. Oral sex is exchanged, as well as both vaginal and anal sex in a variety of positions.

The next sex scene is my favorite. The characterization is nicely set up for the couple, and the guy is exactly my kind of hot. The actress is also gorgeous. While their activities are limited to oral and vaginal sex, the film makes good use of their athletic bodies, as well as the actress's flexibility. Their chemistry is incredible, and the whole scene just sizzles. It's definitely worth repeated watchings, and I'm sure it will serve me well for years to come.

Next up, the main character hears more about the legend surrounding the nudist camp, which brings about a flashback to a sex scene that happened in 1972. Personally, I was somewhat distracted by the lack of body hair on the actress, given the alleged year, and further distracted by the fact that the male actor in the scene looks nothing like the hockey-mask wearing lurker that he allegedly becomes in the future. I also spent a bit of time wondering how common labial piercings were in the 1970's. This is why they don't let me watch historical dramas, folks. Hot people having sex, and I'm distracted by potential anachronisms.

Once the history lesson ends, the film looks in two cute girls and a guy playing strip Monopoly, which seems an odd choice of activity, since they're barely wearing any clothing even before the game begins. They tire of it quickly, and proceed with the threesome. The girls don't touch each other enough for my tastes -- they're both very focused on their male companion -- but they're both hot, and there is a bit of girl on girl oral sex near the end of the scene.

The final sex scene is quite vanilla, but once again the hotness level is significantly raised by the physical beauty of the participants. The chemistry between these two matches that of the first two couples, and it's a thoroughly enjoyable scene.

Personal comments

This is the first full length porn movie I've seen in my life, and I was pleasantly surprised at the quality of the acting, as well as at the believability of the sex. The first two scenes, and the final one, all seemed like sex that just happened to end up on film, instead of being staged, and the people involved were hot. The snippets of porn I'd encountered before were nothing like this!

I'll definitely take the time to learn the names of the actors, actresses, and production company, because I want to see more of this!
Follow-up commentary
This movie is still hilarious, and the second sex scene remains the hottest. While I don't watch porn often, and have only a small collection, this one does shine above the rest. In fact, it's pretty much the only one I ever watch.

If I was less of a prude, I might even show it at a Halloween party. But alas, I'm just hopelessly shy.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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My Official Friday The 13th Parody tags
  • General
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    Other tags that are useful and descriptive for this product.
    • Hetero
    • Humorous
    • Porn
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Comments
  • bzzingbee
    bzzingbee  
    Congrats on watching your first full length porn!! I'm glad it was this one since I think it was great too. Great review!
  • Selective Sensualist
    Selective Sensualist  
    Great job on the review! We absolutely loved the second scene, too. It doesn't get any better than that, IMO!
  • ToyGeek
    ToyGeek  
    Thanks, to both of you. I'm a little less sure of myself with reviewing porn, seeing as I've seen so little.
  • Shellz31
    Shellz31  
    Great DVD to start with!!!
    Awesome review!
  • Kimbertrees
    Kimbertrees  
    Great review.
  • Jobthingy
    Jobthingy  
    Welcome to the dark side! I just got here also (writing about them, not watching them)

    Wanna cookie?
  • ToyGeek
    ToyGeek  
    @ Jobthingy -- sure, I could go for a cookie. Also, I totally have that tee shirt.

    @ everyone -- thanks for commenting!
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