Female Dominance - guides to a better sex by Citadel Press - review by Kayla

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Female Dominance

Book by Citadel Press

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On Your Knees!

Female Dominance, while being one of the only FemDom books out there, is not worth checking out. The ideas in this book are awkward at best and dangerous at worst. However, if you understand the safety of BDSM, you can read this for possible inspiration.
Published:
Pros:
Good for ideas
Cons:
Varrin acts holier-than-thou, Bad/Unsafe information, Wordy, Vampirism?, Judgmental
Rating by reviewer:
1
extremely useful review
"Female Dominance" is a Claudia Varrin how-to book. It's intended to be the sequel to "The Sensual Art of Female Dominance". Claudia Varrin writes this and a couple other FemDom books. This book is published by Citadel Press, is softcover, and includes 278 pages split into 17 different chapters. The text is very tiny in this book - it's about the size of your average romance novel. This means this book is going to take you a long time to read. It took me about 10 hours. It was ten hours of my life I'd prefer to take back.

I actually liked "The Sensual Art of Female Dominance". It seemed to explain a lot of points about FemDom that other books don't cover. It seemed a bit prissy and "Female Power!!" at times, but it still was a good resource. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for this book. Maybe it's that I've grown in experience or what, but I just can not recommend this book as an actual how-to guide.

Why? For one, it's just downright boring. Jay Wiseman, while he's a great guy and amazing with safety, usually writes in a boring fashion. This book with Varrin? It's worse. The author tends to babble on about certain points, and something that you feel was explained in the first sentence will last another three paragraphs. When it's not dragging out a point, we're also hearing about side comments about Claudia's life. They don't always apply to the topic at hand which is why this is a downside instead of an upside.

For two, this book is so far all over the place. Like, really. It's not comprehensive really; it's just all over. For example, this book covers bondage and also covers vampirism. (Yes, that's exactly why you bought a FemDom book. To learn to become a vampire.) It covers edge play like fire play and such, but it only devotes a couple paragraphs to it which I think is more dangerous than not mentioning it at all. Some of the things covered here just really needed more information to make it useful.

For another aspect, this book is just wrong. Really. For one, it says that urine is unsafe to drink. That is completely false. Urine is safe to drink "straight from the tap" although you can pick up a person's medication/drugs if you do as such. After sitting around, it does collect bacteria though. For another, it mentions that, as a punishment for a Dominant having her menstrual cycle (which she refuses to call by name. It's referenced as a "moon cycle".), the submissive should be forced to wear a tampon up his butt all day. Goodbye tampon. Hope you never wanted to see the light of day again. That's only a couple of the many examples of wrong information.

Claudia is also very judgmental. Roman Showers (vomiting) is not my cup of tea, but she says you're one "sick perverted person" if you participate in them and that no one would participate of their own free will. Yes, that's really a really accepting way to look at it in a book about tying people up.

Of course, the straw that broke the camel's back is the fact that this reads like an erotica. Not literally, but in the acts that are recommended. This book reads like I'm expected to be living in a 24/7 world where all I do is punish and pay attention to my slave all day long, and that's just not how things work. For example, things that are recommended are things like pulling out his pubic hair if he's been bad and keeping it in a jewelry box to show off. Or, if he's sorting your socks and gets a red sock in the white socks, cut up the sock and force him to eat it - provide a glass of water if you're feeling generous. The things mentioned are just really extreme, and while some people would really enjoy stuff like that, I just feel like they lend themselves better to erotic novels than real-life.
Experience
Is this book all bad? No. It does have some good aspects, but I can't, in good conscience, recommend this book to a newbie who will take all of this advice seriously. Varrin seems to be very opinionated, and it shows in the book. Some of the advice is just bad and unsafe, and some of it is extreme. However, if you are an experienced Dominant and want some ideas on how to be more extreme or take your scenes to the next level, it is worth checking out just to draw ideas from.

Of course, I'm sure you're curious what this book includes. It includes: The Domina: Role and Attributes, The Submissive: Role and Attributes, Essential Elements and Irrational Logic, The Loose Ends, Bondage, Cross-Dress for Success, Discipline, Edge Play, Fabulous Fetishists, Fetishes in the Lower Body, Humiliation, The Masochist and the Sadist, Objects of Beauty and Usefulness, Role Playing, Slaves to Sensation, Well-Trained Slaves, Vampirism, Air Water and Body (Watersports and Markings), and Sample Scenes.

If you want to, read this book with a grain of salt. It's so out there that it's hilarious at times, and Claudia Varrin oddly puts on her "I'm better than you" routine for a book directed towards a bunch of female Dominants. This book is only intended for the female Dom/male sub relationship. However, I can not, in good will, recommend this to anyone who actually wants to learn something.
Follow-up commentary
I still really, really dislike this book and can not recommend it to anyone. I actually will go out of my way to let people know not to consider this realistic. I just wish more realism was put into the book.
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Comments
  • ToyGeek
    That really sounds like a weird mix of judgment and out-of-the-box ideas. That sock thing creeps me out, personally.
  • P'Gell
    It's hard to find good kink guides, isn't it, Mistress? (As I just read and reviewed Fetish and was underwhelmed with the whole thing.)

    I agree (although I haven't read this tome and think I will not do so) that just a little info on certain BDSM acts is a dangerous thing. Not to mention untrue data and judgmentalism. All they need now is to pair it with the new "fetish" for vampirism.......Oh, they did that......

    Thanks for the warning, Mistress Kay. Maybe some of us need to get together and write our own book on Kink, including safety, Aftercare, long term relationships, facts and evidence proven data, a good chapter on toys and equipment, working it into an otherwise normal life (as most of us are quite normal) and add humor in the right doses without mocking.


    Hmm, that's a good idea........

  • P'Gell
    If My Man tried to make me eat a sock (he wouldn't) I think I'd pull a mean "Topping From the Bottom" escapade, and not a bratty cute one. (Usually, he just sighs or complains about stuff like this.)
  • Kayla
    @P'Gell - I keep thinking about writing a kink book or something, but my lack of motivation gets in the way.

    Nom nom sock?

    And I think this book was copyright 2004, so it was before Twilight and whatnot.
  • Porfiriato
    Nice review, too bad it's not very useful
  • Sir
    HA! Funny, I like this review.

    Especially how the attitude is completely the wrong approach to take if it's geared toward female Dominants.
  • darthkitt3n
    Wouldn't the tampon idea be unsafe? I know if a woman leaves one in her vag for more than 8 hours, she runs the risk of TSS.. I think I'm going to look this up. Great review!
  • TheSexista
    I love the cover of this book. If I saw it while on the market for a new book, I may would buy it just based on the book. Thanks for the honest review, because I do not think I would enjoy it at all.
  • namelesschaos
    Thanks for the warning. It can be so hard to find good books on sex especially kink.
  • P'Gell
    Sexista, the cover is beautiful! Gotta love the wet look, not to mention lace up leather.

    No, Mistress, NO Nom Nom Sock! LOL!

    The book thing, it's percolating. Always a dangerous thing.......
  • Not here
    Great review as always! Too bad this book wasn't worth the time. You should totally write I book, I would most definitely read it!
  • Destri
    Love your reviews! I will definitely stay away from this one.
  • toxie m
    Wow, this book sounds like madness! Great review
  • KatPawz2003
    Wow, and to think that I almost bought this a few years back as a gift for a friend who was new to everything kink. I gave her one of my books instead. That would have been a disaster.

    Really, cut up a sock and make them eat it. All of my subs I have had woud have gotten up and walked out and never spoken to me again had I tried anything like that.
  • Ivy Wilde
    Thanks for the review. Too bad the book is so bad. I could really use a good beginner guide to female dominance.
  • Love Bites
    thank you so much for this review. I am interested in leaning, and I was like, this looks cool. But, I trust you very much, I also know you are active on FL and such, and just drew away immediately. I'm glad you wrote this. Thank you.
  • mistressg
    Hmm...Sounds like it's not worth it. Thanks for the review.
  • Blooddragon
    Nice review, thank you!
  • corsetsaurus rex
    Great review. Sorry about the waste of ten hours, but thanks for using them to warn us!
  • Lavendar
    thanks for the review! I almost bought this!
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