Kristina Queen of Vampires Vol: 1 - book by Amerotica - review by gone77

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Reads Like a Bad Porno

Great sexy art + bad porn dialogue + barely there plot = an erotic comic book that is good for maybe one read-through.
Published:
Pros:
Excellent art
Cons:
Bad porno dialogue, not much of a plot.
Rating by reviewer:
2
extremely useful review
Kristina, The Queen of Vampires was raped and killed (via staking) by a lynch mob way back when, but her rotted corpse is miraculously revived in the present day by the blood of a criminal who got shot in a drug deal gone wrong. Kristina had been killing innocents in the century she was lynched in, and fearing another lynching, she decides to drain only criminals.

After feasting on the shot fellow, Kristina senses the guy who shot him nearby and flies off to find him.

Kristina: Say, Mister...are you a bad man?
Bad Man: Huh??
Kristina: Are you a bad man? A criminal? Do the police want you?
Bad Man: Ehrrr...well. Yes, actually, they do...but you seem to be a bad girl...wouldn't we be a perfect match! I would love to play with you for a while...can we get together?
Kristina: Yesssssssss

You can just imagine what happens to him next. Lovely dialogue, no? My eyes often rolled while reading this comic. The art is great and erotic just as it promises, but the bad dialogue kills it (ha ha) for me. And the reader isn't given any indication just what makes Kristina the queen of vampires. Is it her voracious sexual appetite? Her large breasts? Where are the other vampires she is queen of? Are they dead like she was once?

The story is heavy on sex which is what you'd expect from an erotic comic, but it's short on blood letting which you would expect from a vampire comic. The most blood shown is when Kristina is staked, once at the beginning of the story and again at the very end.

Kristina acquires a couple minions in the form of an undertaker (John) and his virgin assistant (Veronica). They seem to serve her in no other way than as sex slaves. Not that I'm complaining; I enjoyed the well drawn sex scenes.

Here's another snippet of bad dialogue after Kristina has the undertaker deflower his young assistant:

Kristina: Let me taste your dick now, John! I want to check if she really was a virgin. And Veronica can lick my pussy in the meantime!
Veronica: Oh, yes! I would love to!
Kristina (with John's bloodied penis in her hand): Ah, what a treat! You really were! This brightens up my new life!
Veronica: Thank you, Mistress. You taste like honey, if I may say so!
Kristina: Wow, Veronica! You're a natural! Go on! John will take you again while you lick me!

Wow, I lost my girl wood when I read that. Yeah, it's that bad.

There's a subplot involving a male cop and his female lover who is a coroner. It actually twists in with the main plot and leaves itself open to be explored further in the next chapter. They do battle with Kristina that ends with her staked (again!) and unanswered questions for the reader.

We do get a glimpse of four other vampires engaging in an orgy in one panel that is an obvious set-up for the second chapter. I just have no interest in reading it based on this one.
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Comments
  • Kayla
    That's horrid dialogue. Smile Great review.
  • ? Amanda ?
    Looks like a comic book lol. Nice review!
  • SydVicious
    Sorry it was terribly un-sexy, but at least maybe you got a few laughs. Great review.
  • NuMe
    Great review, thanks!
  • Sammi
    Oh, my - that does sound like bad porno dialogue! Sounds interesting in an odd way. Good review Smile
  • Jul!a
    I would almost love to see this made into a movie, just so I could do the same thing some friends and I did in high school where we would get together to watch bad pornos and laugh, lol

    Thanks for soldiering through that one for us Big smile
  • Viktor Vysheslav Malkin
    By the cover, I would have guessed it was much better. Thanks for clearing that up with your great review! Big smile
  • gone77
    Thank you all for your comments.

    Viktor: Yeah, the cover had me fooled. lol
  • freda
    Good review
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