She Comes First - guides to a better sex by Regan Books - review by ScottA

I was quite impressed by Ian Kerner's She Comes First. There is a great deal of information here – it's not merely a manual for cunnilingus, but rather is a book on female sexuality and why cunnilingus should be a integral part of a couple's sexual relationship. Of course, She Comes First also has tips on technique – giving you a well equipped bag of tricks for ensuring her ecstasy. The book starts off by debunking some myths about female sexuality, and moves on to discuss a woman's pleasure anatomy and sexual response cycle. This alone was useful, like many people in the United States my formal sex knowledge consisted predominantly of discussions of reproductive processes, contraception, and venereal diseases, with very little said about sexual pleasure. She Comes First is geared to what you didn't learn in school (it even has a section on spotting a fake orgasm, if you were wondering how).

There is no doubt in my mind after reading this book that cunnilingus is an important part of a well rounded sex life, and Ian goes on to address common fears and provide useful tips for novice cunnilinguists. Several chapters separate out recommended oral techniques by the stages of sexual arousal that they pair best with, a good feature for the non-expert. The book is well illustrated, with tasteful and informative line drawings supporting the text. An appendix adds information on other things, including how best to have oral sex during “difficult times”, such as during menstruation (it's possible without mess thanks to tampons) or pregnancy (you need to be careful of a few things, but go ahead).

She Comes First has many chapters that are also useful for those times when you are not giving her oral attention, but the main theme is definitely oral sex. I found many useful tidbits scattered throughout the book, both for cunnilingus as well as for other activities. While I haven't made it through all (or even most) of the ideas in this book, I give it 5 stars and highly recommend it for anyone who wants to learn more about women's sexual anatomy/response and cunnilingus – and I recommend all of Ian's books for couples to read together to aid their pursuit of ecstasy. While it is written from more of a F/M point of view, the gender-specific parts are mostly bemoaning the average males lack of ability and interest in giving oral sex, so it could be an asset in any relationship involving cunnilingus, unless you're a sex god or goddess.

If you have or will have a girlfriend, you should certainly consider this book. She Comes First definitely deserves a place on my Essential Sex Reference shelf, joining Marcy Michael's The Lowdown on Going Down in the cunnilingus section.