This toy was definitely designed
Wiseman makes clear from the onset that his book should only be one part of a larger information-gathering project: “Choosing whether or not to participate in SM - and to what extent - is a terribly important decision. You want to make as informed a choice as possible, and your ability to do that is hampered if your information sources are limited.” In other words, do not view this book as the Be All and End All of SM practice. See it instead as one piece of the puzzle.
So what does this one piece of the puzzle provide us?
Although I’m usually inclined to skip over the introductory materials in any handbook, Wiseman’s preface and first two chapters are wonderful for defining what SM practice is and what it isn’t. The common thread in this section is dignity - SM practice is primarily about exploring one’s sexuality in a context that maintains individual dignity. It is decidedly not about abuse and Wiseman includes a checklist that prompts you to think about the boundaries between a healthy sexuality and an abusive situation. There is also quite a bit of general information on negotiating boundaries with partners and setting a scene.
Assuming that you’ve decided SM is for you, the next section is a thorough account on how to go about finding a partner - from online ads to introducing SM into an existing relationship. It’s an overview of the pros and cons of various approaches. While quite a bit of the information here would be nothing new to anyone who has been single in the 21st century, there were a few sections that taught me quite a bit. I’ll never look at a red handkerchief the same way again. (hint: it involves sending a signal about what kind of sexual practice you’re in to)
Are you getting the impression that this book is thorough? I hope so because it certainly is.
The remainder of the book is primarily about technique: knots and more about
rope bondage than I’ve ever thought to ask;
restraining devices; giving and receiving erotic pain; what to do with instruments like
whips / floggers and clamps... in other words, more information about SM than you can shake a stick at.
My favorite section has to be the one on erotic “torture” in which Wiseman provides guidance on
sensation play. It covers everything from candle wax to masturbation. I can’t tell from the technique itself if whoever came up with “a movable fist” read a lot of Hemmingway, but I know I’ll be feeling terribly literary next time my lover pays a visit.
The writing is very matter of fact, bordering on dry. This is not a playful, lighthearted guide introducing the novice to the joys of cock bondage. Instead, it is a thoughtful, excruciatingly thorough account of the variety of practices that fall under the SM heading. Much, but not all, of the practical advice is geared towards the dominant partner, but there’s ample information available to satisfy everyone.
