The Ethical Slut review

I was given a copy of The Ethical Slut when I was 17 by a lover who was trying to convince me to engage in group sex. Because I didn’t really want to be convinced, the book left a bad taste in my mouth at the time. I think that many Americans in traditional, monogamous relationships would have a similar reaction. Now, years later I feel that I have a better perspective on the opinions this book has to offer.

The Ethical Slut explores multiple partner relationships, one night stands, commitment, and many of the psychological, emotional, and physical (read, health) barriers to these various circumstances. I appreciate that this book talks seriously about “open relationships” in realistic terms, offering thoughts and experiences of how we are affected emotionally by different types of sexual relationships.

One of the things I dislike about this book is the authors’ cavalier use of language. I don’t mean this in any sort of Puritan sense, but rather a grammatical sense with respect to the importance of how language is used. The word slut is used over and over and over until I feel if I read it again I’ll explode. The authors argue that “slut” should be reclaimed as a term of approval and endearment; that if men can be studs then women who are sluts should be approved of accordingly. I disagree. I think that our society wrongly labels sexually liberated women as naughty and that that train of thought should be reconsidered. Simply taking a derogatory word and acting like it means something different doesn’t accomplish that goal. I think it’s actually damaging to the cause of sexual liberation by giving superficial critics something to sneer at. Many people will like the title because it’s eye-catching and shocking, but I don’t think it serves the right purpose.

I appreciate the fact though that the authors of The Ethical Slut attempt to redefine how the reader thinks of “normal” sexual behavior. They also discuss jealousy, perceived ownership of individuals, love, crushes, and competition.

I do not think that The Ethical Slut is by any means the last book you’ll ever need to help you think about your sex life. I think having a little background in sex throughout history and in other cultures has helped me immensely since I’ve re-read this book. That said, this is a good resource for individuals or couples thinking about the boundaries of their relationship(s) and exploring their own sexuality.