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The Porn That Tried Too Hard

This is the epitome of mainstream porn. I was okay with it at first, but the longer I watched it, the more I more I disliked this porn. It was a repetitive testosterone plagued cinematic tragedy. I wanted to give it two stars because of the incredibly boring sex scenes, but I settled for 3/5 because they put so much work into this schlock, especially the dizzying load of extras. I tried to like this porn, but I can't.
Published:
Pros:
Manuel Ferrara scene, cool premise and extras
Cons:
ridiculous packaging, testosterone fest, too long, repetitive scenes, bad acting
Rating by reviewer:
3
extremely useful review


When this porn arrived on my doorstep I was excited. I looked at the packaging and thought, “Wow, this looks like a real movie. This might be really cool.” After watching this, I realized that this porn sucks. It was big budget, but Wicked Pictures relied way too much on flashy gimmicks.

I got really annoyed by the ridiculous amount of packaging that this damn porn has. I thought about how angry I would be if I watched porn more regularly. If you like this porn and plan on watching it in segments semi-frequently, then you should probably just get rid of the extraneous packaging. How does any porn company in their right mind think that any man (or woman) wants to go through that much fucking packaging? It's irritating, needless, and it's taking a shit on the environment.

They wanted to make everything bigger and better and they skimped on quality. Honestly, to say that I wasn’t impressed is sugarcoated understatement.

The plot was loose and crappy. Jessica Drake went to jail to cover her boyfriend Derrick Pierce who she finds out is a cheater. There’s sex parties, bike competitions, random-ass biker drama, heists, murder, painful acting, and really bad sex scenes. Oh, yeah, and there’s a lot of sexual tension between Jessica and her now ex’s friend Barrett Blade, but they don’t act upon their feelings for each other until the movie is almost over. Don’t worry. I’m not ruining the plot. I saw that hookup coming within the first 10 minutes or less.

There’s absolutely no way I can give an in-depth play by play of the scenes, but here’s a summary:

1: Alexis Texas, Brandy Blair, Derrick Pierce (oral and vaginal)

2: Alektra Blue, Angie Savage, Kayme Kai, Sophia Santi (oral and fingering)

3: Asa Akira, Kaylani Lei, Keni Styles (oral and vaginal)

4: Deep Threat, Jada Fire, Mr. Marcus, Naomi Banxxx, Misty Stone, and Prince Yashua (Three couples having sex in the same room, oral and vaginal).

5: An orgy scene including most of the cast. (Oral and vaginal mostly, DP for Jessica Drake. Tory Lane also gets it in the ass).

6. Tori Black, Jessica Drake, Manuel Ferrera (perhaps the only really good scene in this porn. Oral, vaginal, and ncludes analingus).

7. Brad Armstrong and Kirsten Price (oral and vaginal).

8. Kaylani Lei and Derrick Pierce (oral and vaginal)

9. Barrett Blade and Jessica Drake (oral and vaginal)

10. Alektra Blue and Tommy Gunn (Oral, vaginal, and lots of anal)

11. Devon Lee, Spyder Jonez and Shyla Stylez (Blowjob scene. They have sex while throwing money on themselves and pouring booze on each other. *Facepalm*).

I felt like they were trying to pack as many porn stars in every scene as possible. Overall, I feel this porn was very “copy and paste;” oral, vaginal, fake orgasms, popshot. Bam! Let’s do that 10 more times and then add anal in a few scenes. I wasn’t impressed. It essentially was like every other mainstream porn out there but with racing and bikes. I will say that the biking was cool and they have a gratuitous amount of extras, but I don't have the time or interest to watch all that. Three discs are devoted to the extras: two for behind the scenes, bloopers, extra footage, deleted scenes, and sex scenes from other movies, and the last disc was a bunch of trailers for other porns from Wicked Pictures.

Another reason I can't stand this movie? I can’t stand plastic women. Fake tits look bad and they do absolutely nothing for me but piss me off. A woman doesn’t need large breasts to be beautiful (this coming from a woman with DDs). Fake tits stick out like a sore thumb. You tell that genetics didn’t give them tits and the attempt at overcompensation doesn’t make a streamlined beauty, it makes a circus freak. I don’t find them appealing at all and I think the shear amount of makeup each woman was wearing made them look like a sad clowns in titty freak show.

I hate listening to fake female orgasms. I know the majority of them were fake. You can tell by the sounds and also if the scene is leaving me completely unaroused I doubt they’re enjoying what they’re doing.

I want my three hours back.
Experience
Just for fun, here are some other bitchy remarks I have about this film. I like to call this segment of my review, "Top 10 Things I've Learned From Watching Speed."


1. If you push a woman around enough, she will eventually submit and have sex with you.

2. All women are bisexual if in the proper environment, such as sex parties and orgies.

3. It’s okay to refer to women as bitches if you’re the man that’s fucking them.

4. People are nothing more than their gender or racial background. Every stereotype you’ve ever heard about Asians, black people, or women are entirely true.

5. Everything can be settled with sex, even though this is often the creator of problems in the first place.

6. It’s rude to decline an invitation to a sex party.

7. You can fuck your best friend’s ex-gf if he’s a big enough asshole.

8. "Taking it slow” after getting out of prison often involves getting involved in several group sex scenarios, including an orgy (My guess is that the 16 person orgy was a warm up for something even bigger).

9. It’s okay to kill the cops.

10. It’s okay to kill a guy and torture him because you don’t like him or anyone of his skin color (Take that whitey!)
Follow-up commentary
I couldn't bring myself to like this movie. Sure, it had its moments, and they put a lot of work into the extensive special features, but I just couldn't like this porn. I decided to get rid of it. I ended up selling it online. I hope the new owner is happy with it.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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My Speed tags
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Anyone
    • Couples
    • Solo
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Comments
  • sexyintexas
    sexyintexas  
    Sorry you didn't like it much. I did but there was a LOT of packaging, wondered if I would ever get to the disk itself. Great review
  • KnK
    KnK  
    Thanks. I was trying my best to do a fair review. I sometimes find it hard to censor myself when it comes to things that I'm passionate about.
  • darthkitt3n
    darthkitt3n  
    Great review! I love your list of things you learned from watching this.
  • tim1724
    tim1724  
    Great review. I'd agree with pretty much all of it. Yeah, scene 6 was the only really good scene, but I thought scenes 9 and 10 weren't bad. The rest of the scenes were either boring, annoying, or offensive. (The racial grouping of performers in some of the scenes really bothered me, eg. the black scene, the asian scene, etc.)
  • KnK
    KnK  
    @Darthkitten: Thanks. It's my favorite part.

    @tim: not all the scenes were bad, but I kinda gave up on the movie after awhile. This movie tired me...
  • digit88
    digit88  
    ty
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