The Art of Sensual Female Dominance - book discontinued by Citadel Press - review by Love Bites

OK, I need to explain something about my situation.

I'm rather familiar with the kink scene. Over the past few years I've done a lot of research, gotten to know many people from the scene, etc.; I am personally a switch in my current relationship (I top and I bottom). So keep that in mind when reading this review.

I got this book, hoping to bring out my inner Dominatrix. I love topping, being in charge, but I'm very awkward and never know what to do, beyond a certain point. I read so many wonderful reviews about this book and was excited to begin reading it. It was a huge let down.

For over a year, I've sat on this book, struggling to get past the first two or three chapters. It hasn't happened and I know that it's not going to happen. Perhaps there is something better later in the book, but I didn't get to experience any of the shining recommendations others did. I have a feeling that if I, an avid reader who loves reading up on kink and D/s relationships, couldn't read further into the book then someone with less interest or less experience probably won't either. That's very dangerous.

Why did I have such a hard time reading this? Well, let's start with labeling terms (I do have multiple teachers who are into the scene from generations past and they have never used such words as found in this book to describe others). Such terms as 'S&M is known as Sexual Magic', 'Glitterati, Fetterati, and Perverati', so on and so forth. She explains what each of these means, but I have a feeling if a new kinkster walked into a club spouting these labels, they would be looked at as though they had five heads.

The next issue I found in this book was the rambling. The author goes on and on about similar ideas, but it never seems to really get to the point for me. Along with ramblings, I found that the author seemed to make quite a few assumptions throughout her writing, which left me a in a foul mood. An author cannot know who will be reading his/her book, so addressing people in such a way isn't the best route to go.

My biggest, biggest issue with this book lies within the chapter 'Entering the world of Dominance and Submission', within the first few paragraphs. SafeWords- for those of you who don't know, safe words are words used to warn your partner when you are getting close to your limits. A safe word is something to be taken very seriously, and many people will warn you not to play with someone who doesn't allow or use safewords. The basic safe words are "Red" for stop, "Yellow" for slow down, and "Green" for it's OK. The author does touch upon these words, however she claims that the words "Mercy" and "Pity" are the go-to words for the male sub with a Mistress. I've never heard this, but I can allow it to slide. I cannot, however, condone the author for ever even mentioning this next part:

"Since your submissive is male, you may prefer to pick a word your slave will feel embarrassed saying. Why? If he is embarrassed about using the word, he will be hesitant to use it. And you can test his limits further, because of his embarrassment."

No. At this point, I became incredibly angry and refused to read the book further. The author, by mentioning this, is suggesting that such behavior is acceptable. A safeword is used to protect your bottom; they should not have to suffer, just because you take pleasure in embarrassing them. This negates the whole point of a safeword, and it's very bad advice to give when a novice could be trying to learn through reading this book.

So this book was not for me. This book is not something I would recommend to anyone, especially not a novice/beginner. There are much better books out there that will teach you a safer way to top.

I'm going to give this to my partner to rip up, as I can't condone this being donated or given to anyone else. I'm still unable to move forward with this book.