System JO glide massage oil 1oz by System JO - review by oldman

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A massage oil? Yes. Personal lubricant? Maybe. Sexual enhancer? No way.

Look elsewhere for a product of this kind. There are other, more dependable and less expensive products out there that will do the job better.
Published:
Pros:
good massage oil, airplane friendly, long lasting and covers a large area of skin for massage
Cons:
falls short on 3 out of 4 claims
Rating by reviewer:
2
extremely useful review

Use

Let's just cut to the chase, or, as my mentor, the young and virile Viktor Vysheslav Malkin, would say, "Warning: potential plot spoiler", so if you want to stop here, do so. This product is considerably inferior to similar products available on EdenFantasys and elsewhere. OK--on with the details.

System Jo Glide all-in-one Massage Oil and Lubricant claims to be a personal lubricant, unscented massage oil, tatoo and skin conditioner AND a sexual enhancer (what does that mean anyway???). Let's look at each claim separately, shall we?

Massage Oil: This product performs well as a massage oil. It's viscosity is medium-thick, as the company claims and a little bit lasts and goes far (I am not sure that 1 drop of this equals 15 drops of other oils...1 ounce of this stuff would then be equal to 15 ounces of other oils, and I doubt that claim). The Mrs. and I, not really being into long massages, tried this out for a shoulder and neck rub--both ways. We both liked the feeling, but really now, was it the actual massage or the product...or both? You should use an oil to massage because it helps the hands move around ("glide", hence the name of the product) and should leave a pleasant feeling to the skin, which this did, but I say it is right on par with other products we have used. The claim is this is long lasting, which is true, probably because it is a silicone based mixture. We used a dime sized "squirt" for each of us, and it was plenty to last for the 6 minutes (yes, we timed it--the Mrs. didn't want to work any harder than what she got back--says I can be a little lazy at times...) and the area covered (backbones up, around the neck--no strangling allowed--and down the front about 6 inches--not to include the breasts--I know, why bother if the breasts are off limits?).

Now, we have old bones and old, over used muscles, so we went gently. I liked the way I was able to easily glide my hands around the Mrs. neck/shoulder area without strangling---OOPS---(I mean) getting stuck or having to stop and apply more oil. We both liked that the oil did not drip and soaked into the area being massaged. And, if you stick your schnozola and sniff around the area massaged, it has a very slight, non-descript, scent...makes you want to linger around for awhile. So, for a massage oil, I give it 3 stars out of 5. Massages are rarely on our menu, so when needed, baby oil is our go-to. It is effective, inexpensive and discreet.

Skin/tattoo conditioner: Neither the Mrs. or I have any tattoos, but we do have skin so I'll address that while ignoring tattoos. After the massage, we rubbed our hands together to work in the residual oil. We waited 30 minutes (yes, timed!!) and felt our shoulders and hands. Again, it's a tough call. Every place we checked looked, smelled and felt like it generally would. The slight scent was no longer there. There was no greasy or sticky kind of feeling, but I can't comment if it would be as good a skin conditioner as some of the products marketed as skin moisturizing creams. It would be very pricey to use it as a skin conditioner, so for this reason, I will give it a 2 out of 5 stars. The skin felt great as a byproduct of using this stuff, but, because of price, it would not be my go-to for dry skin. Mrs. keeps a tight eye on my spending.

Personal lubricant: Now, this is where the Mrs. and I can really focus, since we both need MUCH help in the lubrication department. Both of us always look for products that are silicone based (lasts longer) and contain no glycerine (seems to dry out quickly and I hear rumors that it can increase the chances of women getting a vaginal infection--don't want the Mrs. out of use for awhile, so we take good care).

We've had this with us for 3 weeks now, so we had the opportunity to do some in-depth testing, both as a couple and solo (BTW---Mrs. won't talk about that). So, for me, as a lubricant for solo, I tried it out with my hand only. It started out fine, but after a few minutes I had the problem I do with some water based lubes,(this is a silicone lube), it started to dry and "crumble". Really. It flakes off or however you want to describe it, but the ending is that there are "crumbs" in the bed that weren't there when I started. I had to get up, wash and start over with a different silicone lubricant, by the same company, but it works for me. I didn't try the Jo Glide again because pharmaceutical research stops if a significant result, positive or negative, is established before the expected end of the study. This prevents potential problems for research participants and allows some treatments (for example, cancer drugs) to be fast forwarded so that lives can be saved. In this case, I prevented unhappy endings. I can be selfish that way.

As A couple, we tried it on 3 occasions. It worked well for penetrative, vaginal sex. There were no "crumbs" and it was long lasting. We tend to use quite a bit of lube and did so for these encounters. JO Glide didn't dribble on Mrs. thighs or on the bed, which can be a side effect of some thin lubricants. It was pretty easy for both of us to clean up after, so we had no complaints. As a vaginal/penis lubricant, for couples sex, I would rate this product a 4 out of 5 stars. Perhaps the lube, mixed with both our limited secretions, was what made it a good lube for us. We are such a good combination. I guess this is just more proof!

Sexual enhancer: Hmmm...it seems to me, that if a couple is getting lubed up and both partners are ready and willing, what enhancement is needed? I didn't notice any super errection or hightened sense of feeling. I was in position and looking forward to the experience...what else was needed? If anyone knows of something that makes sex better than I think it already is, PLEASE, PLEASE, let me know ASAP!!!! As a sexual enhancement, I will have to give this a 0 out of 5 stars. I would like to give it a 5 out of 5, but the experience just doesn't justify any stars.

The company makes available unflavored and flavored (citrus and lavendar) varieties. The "unflavored" version (which was our choice) did have a very, very light, nondescript scent that was pleasant, but not strong enough to enhance or disturb the experience. There was no taste, but I would not use lube for oral sex. Just a personal preference. No mention of safety on the bottle, but since the word "flavored" is in play, it must be non-toxic and safe for oral use. Just don't take a gulp to quench your thirst.

Anyone, single or couples, of any sex and orientation, can use this oil. It is made from chemicals, which are listed on the small bottle it comes in, so if allergies or sensitivity is a concern, please test on a small patch of skin before continuing. I would wait 24 hours, but thats really up to you. We all have our body's best interest at heart.
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Foreplay
    • Massage
    • Sex
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Bath / shower
    • Bed/room
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • All over
    • Penetraative sex

Texture / Consistency / Thickness / Viscosity

I liked the texture of the JO Glide. It was medium viscosity and in your hands, or spread on your skin, it did not have any type of sticky feeling. It left you feeling nice and smooth---like you wanted to touch and be touched. It comes in a small soft plastic bottle. The top comes off easily and the oil comes out with very little pressure, so be sure to make sure the top is secure because if it tips over you risk having an oil spill, and we all know how much trouble that can cause.
    • Smooth

Taste / Aroma

I have the unflavored JO Glide and there truly is no flavor. I cannot make comments on the lavendar or citrus flavors as I have no experience with them. There is a very light scent to the oil that is really undetectable unless you make an effort to seek it out. It neither enhances or distracts from the product.
    • Light smell
    • No taste

Performance

As a massage oil this is pretty good stuff. A little goes a long way in terms of area covered and it is long lasting, without repeat applications. As a solo lubricant for myself, it was sub-par and very unsatisfactory. It worked well, about average, as a couples lubricant for penetrative, vaginal sex--at least for us. It is touted as a tattoo/skin conditioner and I question this claim. We have ZERO experience with tattoos, but a tremendous amount of experience with skin. While it left our skin feeling soft and not sticky, the price prevents me from giving it a high rating in this category. There are products marketed specifically as a skin conditioner and I would recommend reaching for one of those rather than the JO Glide. Finally, as a sexual enhancer, well...what is that anyway?
    • Absorbs into skin nicely
    • Feels natural
    • Not compatible with all materials

Packaging

This is a 1 ounce plastic bottle of a silicone based massage oil/lube. It is small and fits in the palm of your hand. It is below the limits for liquids, so you can carry it on an airplane for travel. Nothing about it would embarrass you, no matter how much TSA inspected it, but really, how much would they inspect it? It is a typical bottle---what more can I say?
    • Can be opened with one hand
    • Easy to use / dispense
    • Travel friendly
Follow-up commentary
This is a tough call. It works well as a massage/skin conditioner and OK for masturbation. I would still give it the same 2 stars for the same reasons.
This content is the opinion of the submitting contributor and is not endorsed by EdenFantasys.com
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This review was edited by
  • Ansley Ansley
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Comments
  • Airen Wolf
    Airen Wolf  
    I LOVE your writing style! Pease don't be strangling the Mrs. anytime soon she sounds like a keeper Baby oil can be a great base for a massage oil but some people actually find that it can cause breakouts...for something really good for you and TOTALLY discreet try a high quality olive oil. Amazing stuff that! who can beat a little cookin' in the bedroom, eh?
  • oldman
    oldman  
    Is the olive oil hard to get off and does it stain the clothes and/or sheets? I hear olive oil is good for the hair also. I guess you can use the cheaper oil, not the extra virgin olive oil, or as fans of Rachael Ray call it, EVOO. Thanks for the tip.
  • Pink Jewel
    Pink Jewel  
    Thanks
  • ~LaUr3n~
    ~LaUr3n~  
    WOW, great review!
  • Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
    Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama  
    I'm sorry - but you didn't go out and get a tattoo of the Mrs. so you could try this lubricant out on it? I thought you were gonna always "take one for the team"? Or get the Mrs. to get a tattoo?

    Oh wait - I bet if you'd done that - maybe you'd have been black and blue from the Mrs. who pinches every penny it sounds like. So I guess you did ok.



    Give the Mrs. a hug from here in Texas and tell her we appreciate her help in your reviews.
  • Lucky21
    Lucky21  
    Epically fantastic review!!!
  • anonimuz
    anonimuz  
  • funny4now
    funny4now  
    I love this review.
  • Jennysweets
    Jennysweets  
  • vanilla&chocolate
    vanilla&chocolate  
    Thanks for another great review!
  • MamaDivine
    MamaDivine  
    Great Review! Thanks for sharing
  • Jenny Smith
    Jenny Smith  
    Great Review
  • RomanticGoth
    RomanticGoth  
    Great review! Thanks for sharing!
  • Mrs.Tee
    Mrs.Tee  
    Great in depth review. Thanks for sharing
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