Happy penis= unhappy me

Happy penis is a flavored, water based, oral sex aide and lubricant. It is intended to help out with oral sex by adding in some scent and flavor. But be advised that this stuff is thick, thicker than any other water based lubricant I have come cross. If you don't think that texture would bother you then you may want to give it a try. I just couldn't get over the thickness of it and how it was like licking lotion. I tried to like this stuff but I just can't.
Published:
Pros:
Smells great
Cons:
Thick
Chalky
Tingly/numbing to the mouth
Feels like licking lotion
Rating by reviewer:
1
extremely useful review

Use

Happy penis is a water based, edible, yummy smelling oral sex aide but the texture just doesn't work for me. This stuff is pretty thick. It is intended for oral sex but you could use it for lubricant if you wanted to. Those with reactions to glycerin will want to keep this away from their girly bits. It is flavored to help things along with oral if you don't enjoy giving it; this adds a bit of flavor to the mix to make things taste better. With its intended purpose, it is great for couples but again you can use it alone as well.

The ingredients are:
Water, Glycerin, Cetyl Alcohol, Stearyl Alcohol, Xanthan Gum, Mineral Oil, Steareth-21, Carbomer, Flavor, Triethanolamine, Methylparaben, Propylparaben, Sorbic Acid, Disodium EDTA, Sodium Saccharin, CHERRY also contains: Red 40 (CL 16035), Red 33 (CL 17200)MINT also contains: Blue 1 (CL42090), Yellow 5 (CL19140), PINA COLADA also contains: Yellow 5 (CL19140), Orange 4 (CL15510)

Texture / Consistency / Thickness / Viscosity

Happy penis is the thickest stuff I have used. One review stating it was like banana pudding made me dead set on getting it, however, I did not have that great of an experience with its texture. To be honest it feels like I'm licking lotion, the thick type of lotion like the kind you get at Bath and Body Works. Yuck. It a thick texture doesn't bother you, then you may possibly enjoy it.
With it being so thick it doesn't run and stays in place wherever you put it. It is smooth feeling and absorbs well into the skin. It isn't greasy or sticky at all.

Taste / Aroma

Happy penis comes in several different flavors, the one I chose was banana. I love banana and instantly go for products that smell and/or taste like it. Besides the texture, the taste of it turned me off as well. To me it tasted chalky and had that dry, thick, nasty feeling you get in your mouth after taking Pepto Bismol. To me, it slightly tasted of banana but left my tongue feeling dry and a bit tingly leaving me wishing I had a glass of water handy. The after taste was just bad.

The only thing I enjoyed about this lube was the scent. It does smell like sweet, ripe bananas but isn't overpowering or headache inducing.

Performance

Happy penis is to help make oral easier for those that have trouble giving it "raw" (without lubricant). I smoothed it over his penis and instantly I just knew the texture wasn't going to do it for me. I started to lick it but after a minute or so my gag reflex started kicking in and I just couldn't continue. I hated the way this stuff felt on my tongue and in my mouth-I had to get it out NOW! With that being said I can't comment on how long it lasts for oral and how many times you need to re-apply it because I just couldn't do it. My partner tasted it and wasn't happy with it either.

Happy penis was for us, a good hand job lubricant. With it being thick like lotion it made things easier and was different from a thinner water based or silicone based lubricant.

We didn't attempt to use this for PIV intercourse so I cannot comment on that aspect.

It is easy to clean up and comes off well with soap and water or a wipe. It also will absorb into the skin much like lotion does.

Experience

I really, really wanted to like this stuff. The reviews is what drew me in and I thought I might enjoy a thick lubricant but that just wasn't the case. I wrote my review to just let people know that this stuff really is thick so you should really consider if that would be a good thing for you before you buy it.

It added a bit of a tingly/numbing sensation but my partner didn't feel it on his penis. That feeling along with the texture just grossed me out. I was really bummed that this stuff didn't work for me because it does smell wonderful.

We've has this stuff for probably over a year now and haven't used it. It will more than likely get tossed out when we clean things out again.

I know many of the reviews on this lube are high marks and I'm kind of going against the masses here but I wanted to put my experience with it out there.
Follow-up commentary
No sense in waiting 2 months for the follow up. This stuff just completely disgusted me and we threw it out this weekend while cleaning up the room. Unless thick texture like lotion won't bother you then I suggest looking for something else. Yuck!
This content is the opinion of the submitting contributor and is not endorsed by EdenFantasys.com
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Comments
  • CountryPrincess
    CountryPrincess  
    thank you so much for your review!! Gotta admit I love the name of this LOL
  • Zombirella
    Zombirella  
    You're welcome.
  • marshmallow
    marshmallow  
    thanks!
  • PrincessZoloft
    PrincessZoloft  
    Thanks for the review! It's a lot easier to view the downsides, even though I feel like I may purchase it anyway.
  • Zombirella
    Zombirella  
    You're welcome
  • tortilla
    tortilla  
    thanks for your honesty
  • dsumrow1
    dsumrow1  
    thanks
  • EmuLove
    EmuLove  
    Great to know thank you!
  • Zombirella
    Zombirella  
    You're welcome
  • TransMarc
    TransMarc  
    Great review. Thanks for the complete ingredient list.
  • SweeTT
    SweeTT  
    Thanks!
  • HuntingPrincess
    HuntingPrincess  
    great review
  • Cat E.
    Cat E.  
    Good review!
  • wickedclowns95
    wickedclowns95  
    Thanks for the review!
  • Zombirella
    Zombirella  
    You're welcome!
  • pyratess
    pyratess  
    thanks for the review, sorry you didn't like it
  • sunflower
    sunflower  
    Licking lotion and Pepto Bismol? Ick. I will definitely pass on this. Thanks!
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