Happy penis - water based lube by Classic Erotica - review by married with children

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Satisfied Penis?

We just don't do hand jobs very often. Every once in a while while she is on her period. Other then that, this does not get used very often. It would be nice if you could use this for other sexual activities in the bedroom. But when it is strictly for hand jobs, it just wont get very much use at all here.
Published:
Pros:
it was super cheap on sale, interesting cooling feeling during a hand job.
Cons:
can not be used for anything else, have to wash off with soap and water.
Rating by reviewer:
3
extremely useful review

Use

This is best used for the combo handjob/blowjob. I would not use it for PIV or PIA sex. There are a lot of iffy ingredients in this, and would not risk using it for a sexual intercourse lube. This makes a mess, and should not be used anywhere where you can not clean up afterwards. And sorry ladies, this is marketed toward the fellas. You can use it on their penis, but it is made strictly for use on penis's. I would not use it in the shower or tub. If giving hands jobs are not one of your regular activities in the bedroom, this might not be for you.
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Massage
    • Masturbation
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • Oral

Texture / Consistency / Thickness / Viscosity

This reminds me of a hair conditioner. It is thick and creamy. It coats your hands and penis, and never really breaks down from use. It is just like conditioning your hair. It leaves your hands feeling the same way. This stays in the bottle, even when opened and turned upside down. You have to squeeze the bottle to get any out.

This was kind of a pain to get cleaned up. It wanted to stay on your hands and penis. We needed to jump in the shower to wash it completely off. The sink just did not do it. It worked for our hands, with soap and water. But not for my penis.
    • Creamy
    • Smooth
    • Thick

Taste / Aroma

Neither my wife or I tasted this, due to the questionable ingredients. But as far as the smell goes, it smells of strong peppermint. It reminds me of a mint flavored mouth wash. Or a strong mint flavored gum. The smell sticks to everything it touches. You can smell it on your hands even after washing them. You can smell the mint in the bedroom for a while after putting everything away for the night. If you are sensitive to strong smells, this might be too much for you.

I have seen reviews saying how good this tastes, and how bad the flavor is. So it seems to be hit or miss for everyone.
    • Smells good
    • Strong smell

Performance

This worked ok, nothing special. It did not quit lube my penis like a lube would. It was more like we were using one of my wife's body lotions. Or some conditioner from the shower. It was a weird feeling. I am used to feeling lube, slick wet lube. This was not that feeling. Yes, it was slick; but it did not have that lube feeling to it. It lasted long enough for me to cum. So that was a good feature. Some lubes cant even do that. This one did. I would have liked to know how it worked for sex, but with the ingredients used for this I did not want to take the chance of putting it inside her.

I did not feel any tingling feeling, like stated on the bottle. It was more of a cooling feel. But I expected to get a cooling feel, as peppermint does that. The cooling feeling was nice. But it stick with you way too long. My penis was still feeling cool 30 minutes after we wipe it off of it with water and a damp washcloth. That was not cool. I don't want to feel the cooling sensations after we get done fooling around. I can handle a few minutes afterward. But over 30 minutes, that's just too much.
    • Needs to be washed off with soap and water

Packaging

This comes in a 4 ounce bottle. On the bottle are pictures of cartoon penis's, and written above them are the words "happy penis". Not discreet at all. Luckily this is a pretty small bottle. SO it can be hidden in a drawer or bag. It most likely wont blend in on your counter top with other bottles, as it is a bright neon green color. It will stand out like a sore thumb. None of the bottles my wife has for all her bath and body stuff are bright green, or any other neon color for that matter. So it does not blend in at all.

The bottle is not that easy to open. It takes 2 hands. So if you have lube or this on your hands, good luck opening it again. Once you get it open, leave it open until you are done using it. The top is they type that you pull up on to open. The cream dispenses through a hole in the center of the lid.

There are no instructions on the bottle. All it says is that this enhances any penis play. Not that informative. They included a ingredient list and the website of classic erotica.

This is also made in the USA.
    • Does not leak
    • Easy to use / dispense
    • Not discreet

Special Features

This is supposed to tingle. I could not feel it at all. What I felt was cooling. That comes from the peppermint oil. My wife did not try tasting this, so I don't know if it would tingle your mouth. I saw reviews that have stated that this was tingly on their tongues, but not the penis it was applied to. My wife did not really like the list of ingredients, and did not want to get it in her mouth.

Ingredients: water, mineral oil, cetyl alcohol, glyceryl stearate, peg-100 stearate, cetearyl alcohol, polysorbate 60, peppermint oil, xanthan gum, carbomer, triethandamine, sodium benzoate, potassium sorbate, diazolidryl urea, sucralose, sodium saccharin, disodium edta, blue 1, yellow 5.
    • Tingling
    • Cooling

Experience

We picked this up because it was on sale and worth a try. I did not expect much out of it. And I did not get much out of it. We used it twice, and had enough to write a review on it. I doubt it will get much use after this review. It just did not add anything to hand jobs. We get much better results just grabbing a bottle of plain water based lube out of the drawer. What makes this pretty much useless for us, is that fact that it is only good for one thing. And that one thing we don't do very often. If this were good for sex, then it would add a whole new dimension to it.
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Comments
  • PeaceToTheMiddleEast
    PeaceToTheMiddleEast  
    Thanks for sharing, I am glad I gave this away as a gift then.
  • thegogofiasco
    thegogofiasco  
    Thank you for the review and warning.
  • sunkissedJess
    sunkissedJess  
    Thanks for the review. That lingering mint smell won't fly well with me. Thanks for the heads up on this one.
  • MissTwist
    MissTwist  
    thanks
  • edeneve
    edeneve  
    great review. I've found a couple cooling lubes/gels that work for me. you may want to check out my reviews about them.
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