Fizz lubricant by Topco Sales - review by Oggins

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Ugh! Don't put this anywhere near your mouth!

Yucky, Yucky, non-fizzy, non-tickly lube! It's sick! I can't say that enough! A total waste! While it is sorta slick I'm not exactly sure why they decided to flavor it because it would probably taste better un-flavored! If you buy this one thinking you are going to encourage your partner to do oral on you, think again! This one isn't going to work!
Published:
Pros:
Cute bottle.
Cons:
Horrible taste! Hard to pour a small amount!
Rating by reviewer:
0
extremely useful review
Okay, so I admit it, I mostly ordered the Fizz poppin cherry cola lubricant|Fizz lubricant by Topco because it just looked so cute! When it arrived it was just as cute as in the picture! The bottle looks sort of like a long neck miniature bottle with a bottle cap top that unscrews. The whole bottle is constructed of plastic except for the outer label/sleeve. The bottle stands about 6 3/4" tall and contains 5 fl. oz. of lube. Unfortunately on the cap, there is no little hole for the lube to be squeezed out of. Instead there is this huge hole just like on a soda bottle! Geeesh! What were they thinking?!

The bottle lists the ingredients as water(it's water based), glycerin(which can cause yeast infections), propylene glycol, flavor, sucralose, hydroxyethylcellulose, chlorhexidine, gluconate, gluconolactone, methylparaben, and sodium hydroxide. I really have no idea what most of these ingredients are or what they might do....

The bottle also states that this lube can give your sex some pop with fizzes that tickle and that it is sugar-free, water based and latex friendly for a refreshingly smooth ride. There is also a list of all six flavors of screamin orange, lickin lemon-lime, rockin rootbeer, poppin cherry cola, kissin cola and gropin grape.

There is also a goofy little nutrition facts label that says a serving size is lots a licks and the daily values are 100% total fun, 100% slickness, 0% guilt and 100% pleasure as well as a significant source of excitement and satisfaction. I warned you that it was goofy...

Now onto the lube... We've already established that this is water based and therefore latex/condom friendly and can be used on almost any toy I can think of. That's about it's only good point... The lube itself is hard to deal with because of the big opening on the bottle. You have to pour it out onto your hand and hope like hell you don't pour the whole bottle out! The lube itself was slick enough I guess but had more of a consistency of say... thin shower gel! Definitely not the slickest, smoothest lube I have tried and as far as the poppin cherry cola flavor goes... Do you really want to know? Okay then... It too kind of reminds me of shower gel! This tastes nothing at all like cherry soda! Gimme a break! It is more like a combination of shower gel and some weird cough medicine! This is the king of yuckiness here! I really have no clue what the other flavors taste like and I honestly couldn't care less because this is the only bottle of this... stuff... I am going to buy ever! If you are buying this because you don't like the taste of oral sex... I can pretty much guarantee you that you will love the taste of your partner way more than this stuff! Maybe that is the point, I'm really not sure...

Oh yeah, it's also supposed to "give your sex some pop with fizzes that tickle." Okay, they must have forgotten that ingredient with all of the other stuff they put in it because, we aren't feeling any tickle. I thought the whole name of "Fizz lubricant" meant that it would kind of fizz or something but, we got nothin!

So, basically... No, I'm not going to recommend this to anyone. I'm not buying anymore because it's a waste of money and it tastes sick so, now you know...
Experience
I poured a puddle of this out in my hand and rubbed it on my mans cock and went to town until the horrible taste set in. I then jumped up and said, ok, that's enough leaving my poor hubby with a raging hard on. He was like, HUH?! Where are you going? I then explained that this stuff tastes totally sick and couldn't take anymore. Him being a man and all had to try it out for himself to see if I was telling the truth and he too came to the same conclusion that I did. It's sick!

As far as the fizzes that tickle, neither one of us noticed this fizzy tickle and really don't care at this point. We are done with it!
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Comments
  • Dame Demi
    Heh, thanks for the warning, and a very entertaining review!  Just sorry that the entertainment value came at your expense! :(
  • Cock Wrangler
    Ugh, too bad. This just reminds me of Pop Rocks and dirty stories about those... lube makers should take inspiration from that candy if they want something with fizz.
  • Oggins
    Thanks Dame Demi!  It's okay though, you live you learn....

    I too have heard several stories about pop rocks although, I have never used them due to the sugar content and well....I'm just kinda afraid too.  HaHa!  Thanks for the comments!
  • Bulma
    I wonder if its the flavor...I have the Root Beer, and actually I love the taste.  It wasn't at all like I was expecting (no fizzes at all though).  I am really glad I didn't get the cola flavor, because I was really having a hard time deciding between the two.  What did you think of the smell?  The smell is my favorite part of the root beer flavor.  This is so weird, I want to order the cola because I am curious if its just the flavor difference or not, but frankly I'm scared to   Maybe I will try a flavor other than the cherry cola for my little test..

    Great review Oggins, and hope you find something that works better for you next time.
  • Oggins
    Thanks for the comments Bulma!  I guess it is possible that it is just this particular flavor but, I don't really care at this point to try the others because I honestly found this one to be gross!  As far as the smell goes, it's not soo bad really.  It too kind of smells soapish though.  I read the other review on the lime flavor and they didn't seem to think the flavor was all that bad on it but, I'd rather just go with the watermelon wet lubricant or maybe the H2O.  Maybe it's just the cherry flavoring I really can't say for sure but, like I've said before, I cannot find a good tasting cherry lube to save my life!
  • Jimbo Jones
    Most cherry flavored stuff tastes like cough medicine to me - even candy. I'll make sure to avoid this stuff. Thanks for the review/warning.
  • Epiphora
    Haha, ew. you got your point across, my friend. This is going off my wishlist.
  • Oggins
    Thanks for your comments!  It really is too bad on the flavor of this one.  If they improved it, it really wouldn't be so bad but, I expect a flavored lube to taste something like it claims to taste and unfortunately this one didn't even come close....
  • LimeGreen
    wow, sounds awful, sorry to hear it was such a flop!
  • Oggins
    Thanks for your comment LimeGreen! This really was a flop for us. I do hear that the "other" flavors are better but I haven't been brave enough to try any others so far. Maybe I should add that to my "to do" list...... I really doubt that I do though......
  • wondertoes
    Sorry to hear it's such a downer! Thanks for the great review...made me rethink my wish list!
  • Woman China
    Great review!!! Buy for the cool bottle. And that is about it!!! THanks!
  • xxxbluexxx
    thanks for the review!
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